11 yr old daughter being picked on at school for having hairy legs from her friends

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

My daughter is being picked on for not shaving/waxing her legs from her friends. She has very fine light hairs that you hardly notice and really doesn't need to. She has also started causing trouble at home being angry with her younger brother and sister. She has become rude and disrespectful. Any advice would be great.

Thank you.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sandra - posted on 04/20/2013

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My gosh can you imagine that they have so little to pick on...they choose hairy legs. I too would recommend asking what your daughter wants to do (and if she wants to shave.. let her). The thing is that once she shaves her legs...they will find something new to pick on, perhaps her nose....and would we then be recommending a nose job? So while shaving is an easy fix...the message might not be entirely the right direction and that is such an individual choice. If I were your daughter I think I would be asking the bully...why are her legs their obsession??? I guess I would tell her to say something like, it's kind of funny why you spend so much time talking about and looking at my legs. Then laugh it off. A bully doesn't get power from their comments unless they see that you are upset by it.
It is really sad that this kind of stuff goes on. Perhaps there are other things being said and she needs someone to confide it like a counsellor at school. Bullying is so awful and the school really doesn't do enough to stop it.
Good Luck...
Sandra

Julie - posted on 04/19/2013

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I am sorry to say this but, the teasing is bound to come for one thing or another at this age. Have you asked her if she'd like to shave? If she does, give her the heads up on the maintenance involved once she starts and then go for it. The anger and aggression towards her siblings is what I call "kicking the dog syndrome" it does not just happen from Dad to Mom, Mom to kids, but older sibling to younger sibling. If the 11 year old is being teased at school and does not know how to respond, they come home and let the emotions out (unknowingly) on others (parents, siblings animals). Our job is to help them Identify it, explain its not ok, and how to change it. It also is yes, good old hormones kicking in, which again, educating your daughter on will give her a better understanding of who she is, why she is and what she is becoming. A beautiful young lady, I'm sure :)

Enna - posted on 04/18/2013

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Let the poor kid shave her legs, if that's what she wants. I don't know of any studies that show that shaving early causes any problems. And honestly, I think a lot of kids start shaving that early. If you don't want her to use a razor, then get an electric razor. It doesn't give as close of a shave, but it works.

It sounds like your daughter is well on her way towards becoming a teenager. If my daughter can't behave, then I take away privileges (going to a party, playing on the computer or xbox, her cell phone or ipod.) I've also found that if she comes home in a really bad mood it helps if I sit with her in her room and make her tell me what's wrong. She doesn't want to sometimes, but eventually I can usually get her to talk. Then she feels better.

Vanessa - posted on 04/23/2013

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Show & teach hert how to shave her legs. If the hair is fine or barely noticable then she won't have to do it that often.

16 Comments

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Donatien - posted on 09/30/2013

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There is probably nothing more embarrassing at this age. Please let your daughter not suffer from this embarrassment any longer and let her shave. Not just her legs and underarms, but her whole body. It's the hygiene standard of today. Don't let her be embarrassed any longer and let her shave her body.

Don

Ginger - posted on 09/27/2013

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Let her shave. I started in 5th grade. Than came the makeup which was very light like a tinted lip gloss and natural makeup. I didn't grow up to be a whore or pregnant while in school due to doing those things. God I had to start wearing a training bra in 3rd grade.

Please let her shave her legs.

Deborah Ridgely - posted on 09/23/2013

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Welcome to the pre-teen years, Mom! Soon your daughter will go through puberty if she hasn't already, and that means lots of changes! We have 3 children, 2 daughters ages 17 and 12. When they asked, we taught them how to use Womens 3 blade razors to shave their legs and pits. It can be embarrassing to go to the gym locker room and have other girls see your leg hairand pit hair at that age! Don't let her continue to get put down, but let her learn to be a little lady. At her age peers take over as important, more than teens like to admit. I know quite a bit about this, seeing as We have homeschooled our children for the past 3 years, and this year they are all in public school. It is a big change, but I think very necessary for them to have peers.
Anyhow, also as hormones kick in, you will see her attitude gets PMS-ish. That can explain her attitude problems with her brother. Just be patient and help her grow with loving direction.

Rebelle - posted on 09/22/2013

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I went through this same thing at the same age. For God's sake just buy her an electric razor and let the child shave her legs. Do not make her a target over something so trivial. At 56 those are some of my most painful memories and trust me on this, fitting in at school with her peers is WAY more important to her than listening to a parent she feels doesn't care about how she feels and she will try to find a way to be accepted and fit in rather than being a target. Shaving is the MUCH lesser of the evils.

[deleted account]

PLEASE! Let your daughter shave her legs! She's probably very hurt by people teasing her at school and blames you for not letting her do it. Home is a safe place for children to get angry because she probably feels she can't respond at school even in an appropriate way. Go into the school and talk with her teacher/principal and let her shave, I can guarantee you things will get better. Also you should teach your daughter to stand up for herself. There is nothing wrong with shaving legs.

Summer - posted on 05/01/2013

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What age will you allow her to shave? I don't think 11 is out of the question, as long as you explain what a pain it is and once she starts she has to keep it up. Of course, when she does is up to you. I would explain to her your reasons, and tell her you love her. Sounds like she entering puberty, put on your seatbelt, its going to be a bumpy ride! :)

Raggedy - posted on 04/26/2013

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As parents we need to view some things from the perspective of the child. She hasn't become rude and disrespectful. She is at present being rude and disrespectful in your opinion. Behavior is temporary the statement becoming rude has the implication that SHE not her behavior IS rude or disrespectful. She cant control the hurt pain and frustration she is feeling but she CAN control her behavior.
As far as the leg shaving. Find out how your daughter feels about shaving, not how the group or her peers feel. Does she want to shave? Is it something SHE wants to do or does she want to do it to prevent others from teasing?
The system we are working under is difficult. With gang mentality it is difficult for the few children, like your daughter, who has her own mind and opinions to fit in. She is probably hurt by the comments from her friends which limits her ability to assess the situation logically. How many kids shave/wax? I am sure if you take ALL the children her age and get the numbers you will quickly find that there are more girls than your daughter that does not shave. Our kids are growing up way to fast. Try and talk to her about it. My daughter will use that same blanket statements like (all the other kids) and everyone has such and such, but that is because she has focused on a piece of the pie so to speak and not the entire class, or the entire school. The vision of children is narrow because their ONLY experience is family, friends, and school. The world is so much bigger. But my daughter will focus on the small group she considers hers as if they are the entire world and she is the ONLY one who isn't doing what they do. She discounts students not directly in her group.

As far as the behavior, let her behave in any manner she wishes for two days and keep an accurate record of the behavior and then sit down and go over what behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not. Explain behavior to her in a way that she can understand. Let her know what she does MATTERS. Her behavior MATTERS. It matters to you. it matters to your family, it matters to society. You expect from her (not overnight) but that you have faith in her that she can behave in an appropriate loving manner.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2013

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If she wants to shave let her... my 10 yr old just started bc wanted to and I had started her on shaving her armpits she up and decided to do her legs on her own. My only thing was she did a dry shave and I told her that next time I would talk her thou how to do it. Meaning putting shaving cream or soap on her legs LOL. She is in 6th grade and was the only one not shaving yet. If you daughter is not ready to shave then she should not have to. It also sounds like its time to have a conversation about how real friends act. You cant fight all her battles for her but you can take the time to help her through this stage and be there for her what ever she decides. One year in middle school I was in the counselors office a few times a week because a group of bullies thought if they took some of the bully sessions there they would get away with more of it. In some cases they were right but in the end they were also informed by the counselor that if they kept up their crap HE would call the police and have them charged with sexual harassment.

Denise - posted on 04/19/2013

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It's just leg hair, it really doesn't make a difference in the grand scheme of things whether she does or not. So just get her a razor and let her do it. The anger . . . well, do you not remember being a preteen girl?

LeiShell - posted on 04/17/2013

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Oh man, yikes. I so remember girls at that age. My parents were the same, I couldn't shave until I had armpit hair (my dad being the first to point that out, imagine the embarassment) and couldn't wear makeup til I was in highschool. I lashed out, sneaking makeup and putting it on at school. I think that age makes it hard, because some kids are allowed to and some aren't. And girls are so ruthless. The child in me says let her so she can fit in, because I remember the anguish I suffered daily from girls (once being teased horribly over my shoes in the fifth grade) and then the adult parent in me says that it is too soon. Such a tough call. I know my mom was open with me once I reached a certain age, but she doubted how much I could handle when I was a bit younger. Parents never want to think of their kids growing up. I think holding back is a good idea for now, but talk with her about changes and things that she can expect in the future...and perhaps give her an age or time you think it would be okay, I know that being teased at school greatly affected my attitude at home and I was misunderstood being the oldest of 8 siblings, 6 of them boys. I can really relate to a young girl. So take her out to lunch and treat her like a lady, tell her that you think she needs to wait to let her body fully develop and maybe give her something she can be proud of...maybe something new. I think her confidence is low.

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