13 year old, and fraud on his report card

Infinity - posted on 08/09/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi, I hope someone out there can help me.
My son just turned 13, he is very intelligent, but is very lazy to learn and do homework, he would like rather get a 0 on projects that count for his report cards than do the project.
What happened now is his grades dropped and he panicked and actually tippexed it and changed it on his report card so his father won't see his actual grades. His father did see the changes but did not ask any questions. Me on the other hand never saw the report card (this is another story) Long story short, it came out yesterday, and his father wanted to hit him, I did not mind the spanking, what bothered me and what I tried to (and did stop) was with WHAT his dad wanted to hit him with. Now his dad pin this on me, saying I need to deal with it and its my interference making him doing things like this. I feel yes he should have get a spanking, with a belt, on the bum. Not the way his dad wanted to do it. (with his fists)
What I did in the meantime, I took away his phone, the computer, the tv. Also his chess. Still I get the feeling he don't get the urgency of what he did. How or what can I do to make it hit home? For some reason he just dont care about his school work. All this and still him being a prefect at school... I dont know what to do.

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Jeanne - posted on 08/10/2013

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My opinion is the disconnect between you and husband is a big part of the problem.
I would seek counseling for both of you so you can become a united team to help your son. Until the two of you have the same goal and same plan to reach it, it will be very difficult to have an impact on your sons behavior. I also agree that your son must be held accountable for what he has done. You need to outline your expectations for schoolwork, report cards, etc and then have a consequence assigned if those expectations are not met. Poor choices by son = bad consequence. Good choices by son = good consequence.

April - posted on 08/09/2013

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I agree his dad should not hit him. I think 13 years old is not a man like his dad is think. He is getting to the age where he thinks he knows everything like my 13 year old boy but if my husband(his dad) tried to punch him I would stop him and tell him to go cool off then talk to him. I think you , your son and his dad need to talk more about your son behavior and ask him how you can help him bring his grades up. It might be that he thinks no one cares about how he does in school or he does care and is acting out for another reason .My suggestion is do a daily progress check on him daily and keep asking him if he is doing his work. You cant really do anything but try on your part and your son has to make the effort. My guess is he hid it from you because he was scared how his dad would react.

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Infinity - posted on 08/16/2013

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April, someone real close to my family gave me the same advice, seeing my son's grades took a major dip last quarter, and is usually not bad (as it was). I had to cool my hb off, and let him cool off. Tx April.

Again a PERSONAL feeling, after a week I saw yet again, we think our children is responsible at a young age, but we see what they LET us see. I don't care who those 'know it all' parents are out there, those wif the my 13yr old kid will never do this or that and is so responsible I can leave him alone with a computer or a blackberry, I just wanna say, mistake, huge mistake, massive. They still kidz, and more intelligent than they want us to believe. They let us parents see what they want us to see. A hiding with a slipper in 1979 did the world good. Look at the world and the children now a days. (Say me with the problem). But keep in context what I say, a hiding when needed. Punishment to fit the crime. We all had it in the '70's & 80's kids behaviour towards adults and teachers are worse these days than then.

Infinity - posted on 08/16/2013

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Don't think we did not think about that. Unfortunately we had to show them the report card, but it was already thrown away 3weeks ago, by the time we needed a copy. (There is a reason I only come to find about all this after so long).

Infinity - posted on 08/16/2013

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I totally agree, my next problem is just, getting the hb to counselling. At least after a week now my son saw we are standing together on the punishment. Do I still look at his books after school like a sherrif? I suppose so as this is where the trouble started, when I stopped doing so. Thank you so much for yor insight. Just so you know, my son is not a problem child, and we're not this abused family. Just normal, one child, a problem came along, we messed up somewhere along the line, and didn't know how 2 handle this. I believe how you raise a child, his behaviour is a reflection of my/our own handy work, BUT its my OWN personal feeling. (He took a chance and thought he'd get away with it like with everything else in the past.)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/09/2013

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You took his things, but did you report the discrepancy to the school?

His father should not use anything to beat the boy, but the boy needs to answer up to consequences, both at home for lying, and at school for falsifying documents. The only way he'll figure out that it was stupid and wrong is for him to face up to the full consequences of his actions, and honestly, if I was the teacher/principal...I'd be thinking about suspension...

Infinity - posted on 08/09/2013

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I let my son know every day I am there to help. Yes I know, and he told me he was scared of his dad. I used 2 check his books on a daily then weekly basis. He started lying telling his books was taken in by the teacher so I can't check it. He used 2 be a gud student competetive, but now.... He knows he can come talk to me I will do anything to help. But ai... His father is difficult I can't talkt to him, he sees it as interfering, and making excuses for our son, and then he wud retreat totally, if I would not say anything he would go out and say the meanest things..... Even when our son would. Put a plate skew on the shelf he would start yelling and saying mean things. Once he would tell him he is a f*up. I only try to calm hom down 2 stop him from saying or doing things that can't be taken back. Then he would react in this way that I am the cuprit and the reason for my son's behaviour. And now I sit with the problem, he don't want anything to do with this issue, or my son or me. I need 2 let my son understand the urgency of the matter what he did, and get him back to the way he used 2 be around his school work.

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