13 year old tantrums...

Leslie - posted on 10/21/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I'm a single mom of a 13 year old. He had never had tantrums like the ones he's been having lately, not even as a toddler. Last year he started middle school and barely passed the grade because he had a lot of missing homework and I got comments from some of his teachers about him not working in class. He hadn't had this problem in elementary school. In fact he got some really good grades and made it to be in the honor roll. Thing is that this new school year started and I'm having more and more complaints from his teachers about him not working. He lies to me about homework, so he doesn't do it. He doesn't take notes or anything and when he's confronted about it he just goes nuts, cussing, throwing stuff around, tearing his notebooks apart and all of this because he just doesn't want to work. His writing has become terrible, you can't read any of it. I already took away Internet privileges, his video games and of course he is grounded indefinitely... I don't know what else to do and I have no idea if all of this is normal. Just for the record, or if it has anything to do with it, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and it's possible he has it too...

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User - posted on 10/22/2013

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13 seems to be the age when they become possessed. It sounds like he's struggling to find something he can control. Its maddening for you. My daughter would lie to my face when the evidence was right in front of her. It makes no sense because its obvious to you so surely its obvious to him. Its not. It's so not and you are going to beat yourself into the ground the more you expect rationality from a teen.

IF, its something more than hormonal puberty, you have several options. I'd certainly talk to your pediatrician. He may be dealing with depression. Another thought is that he could possibly be dabbling into drugs. Your pediatrician can help you learn to look for signs, decide whether to home-drug test or possibly even see a counselor.

My oldest daughter would lie through her teeth about homework. She was tested b/c like you I thought she must have something going on. Her IQ was off the charts and she had no learning/social/mental/whatever issue. She just simply didn't like her teacher or was bored or she knew she could get me mad with crappy grades. It took a while for me to just let it happen. I paid a very heft tuition for her to attend a private school. Finally, I pulled her out which got her attention and now she couldn't be with her friends. Then she knew it was all on her and how sucky it would be if she had to repeat a year. My life got so much easier when she was in control of her grades. Fine, repeat 8th grade. I wonder who will be your friends next year.

It's so tough. Hang in there. I think it's probably just a pushback while he develops and learns how to take control of his life.

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