13 year old wants to move out

Emily - posted on 04/21/2014 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old daughter and my husband of 4 years (her step dad) absolutely don't get along she constantly has a bad attitude towards him especially when she's not getting everything she wants and he has a bad temper. He's never physically hurt her but he has said some things to her that were not okay with me.. I told him he needs to watch his words with any child even if she is a 13 year old with a bad attitude.. we also have a child together who cries a lot because daddy and sissy won't stop fighting. My 13 year olds biological father is not in the picture and she wants to go live with my mom whom I love dearly but she's also a pushover so I don't know if I should allow it or not.. my daughter is trying to put me on a guilt trip so I will let her move. My husband says no but I'm at a loss for what to do!! Any advice would be wonderful!

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Decimus - posted on 04/23/2014

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You and her father fucked up. Kids are supposed to be raised in a safe happy home with their mom and dad and full blooded brothers and sisters. Too late for that now. Thats why people need to be really really really sure before they have kids together. The best thing you can do now is get your husband off her back. He is not her father and she will never accept him as such. Tell him he is allowed to smile say 'hi' and 'bye' and ask her 'do you want to hang out?' and thats it. He can be her friend if she wants him to, but just friends, he is not her parent. Thats your job. Doing that might solve the problem and if it doesn't then let her live with her grandmother. If you can get her father back into her life to have some kind of relationship with her that will help a lot if its possible. Whatever you do don't give her psychoactive pharmaceuticals. Doctors will rape her brain just like drug dealers selling ice and blow on the street. Everybody makes money when kids take drugs.

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Grace Garment - posted on 04/26/2014

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Give her some time away a week or two spend some time with her talk to her also talk to the stepdad if nothing else works let her live with her grandmother but be sure to go around and spend a lot of time with her

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/25/2014

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Decimus, what the fuck is it with your personal attacks? You have no right to tell ANYONE that they're doing something wrong, or that they're 'FUCKED UP" for the decisions they make.

Get help.

Emily: Get the family involved in counseling. If your husband cannot understand that he's not the primary disciplinarian, and that you & he need to be in agreement about how both children are treated, and if he cannot agree to treat your eldest the same as your youngest, the problem is HIS, not hers.

If he refuses, your FIRST responsibility is to your children, and getting your firstborn out of a hazardous situation. Hazardous to her mental and physical health.

I did NOT say you have to give in to HER every whim either, but he needs to grow up and pull his head out of his ass.

Emily - posted on 04/22/2014

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Evelyn,
Thank you for your advice I will definitely look into the counseling further and keep praying for the best!

Emily - posted on 04/22/2014

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I don't see how I f'd up I came on here to ask for advice with a troubled teen. Not to be bashed. Neither me nor my husband have done anything wrong.. We've tried to help her and be there for her but nothing seems to work. She has no respect for anyone.. I had no idea the pills were so bad and at the time I thought I was doing the best thing for my daughter but nobody tells you how bad they are... my mother called earlier and she can't control her either so I just need to figure out another avenue...

Decimus - posted on 04/22/2014

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Its a fucking mess. You fucked up. Let her live with her grandmother. Its the best thing you can do at this point. Never put her on pharmaceuticals. SSRIs can seriously fuck up your brain permanently. Smart move on your daughters part for refusing to take that shit. Google SSRIs destroyed my life and you will see what I mean.

Emily - posted on 04/22/2014

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She has had some counseling she was put on antidepressants a while back but she refuses to take them.. the counselor she was seeing at the time was the only one I've been able to find that my daughter actually clicked with and she ended up moving out of state the other counselors I've tried taking her to have all told me this is a stage she'll grow out of and there's not much they can do to help her at this point especially when she refuses to talk to them...

Emily - posted on 04/22/2014

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I would just put her on restriction and ground her from toys and tv. It seemed to work for a while but as she got older she started to get violent if I took things away from her or she would start acting out again the second she earned her priviledges back...

Emily - posted on 04/21/2014

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He has been in our lives since right before she turned 6. She calls him dad and that was by her own choice even before we were married.. my mom lives right down the street from us so she wouldn't be that far away but my husband is adamant that she stay here... he works out of state and when he's gone my daughter is constantly picking fights with me. She refuses to go to school and if I try to take things away from her for acting out she will physically and verbally attack me. I've tried counselling but she knows how to work people and I've had 3 counselors tell me that she's a normal teenager and she'll grow out of her attitude. Problem is she's had this attitude since she was 5 and it's only getting worse no matter what we do. It's now starting to cause some major problems in my marriage and our youngest daughter is suffering from it too... I really wouldn't mind if she went to live with my mom but I don't know how to address it with my husband. I've been so stressed out that it's starting to cause me to have health problems as well..

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