14 year freshman daughter having social problems

Molly - posted on 02/04/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter is 14 and a freshman at an all girls school. She is friendly, nice, cute (always has a smile) and well liked. The problem is doesn't socialize with these "new friends" on the weekends because she doesn't make an effort. She just hangs with her neighborhood friends (3 close ones) that all go to different high schools. She says that the new friends at school are nice to her at school and that they laugh and have fun but they don't ask her to do things on the weekends. The few times she has texted them to see if they want to do something they haven't responded. She thinks its because they have better things to do or they are too busy. Needless to say she is intimidated and afraid to organize something fun out of school with them--plans seem to fall through. We suggest all sorts of things like--make a plan to meet them at the movies, come to our house, go to the mall. She says she will do that but then never does. Her old friends in the neighborhood are becoming busy with their own things--new schools, new friends, sports. They get together once a week or so but not as much as they use to. I feel her anxiety or maybe it's my own anxiety. Anyone have a daughter going through this?

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Crystal - posted on 02/05/2013

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It does not sound like she has social problems at all. Just because girls are nice and friendly at school does not mean they would be good friends. It sounds like she has a nice set of close friends who she really trusts. That is better than hanging out with people who are not really your friends away from school just because you go to school together. It can be tough if she is drifting away from her other friends. When the right friend comes along at her new school, they will get close and hang out. Just don't push her about it. I had (and still have) a lot of friends who I am friends with but do not hang out with. This is okay. It is even harder going into a new school, especially an all girl one, where the other girls already have their close-knit groups. It does not sound like she doesn't make an effort. It sounds like the other girls she asks are not interested or have other plans. It is worse to try to make plans with someone who doesn't really want to follow through with them then to just find something to do herself.

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