14 year old arrested for buying marijuanna. How so I punish her?

Sarah - posted on 09/19/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old was punished yesterday for buying marijuanna at school. She is suspended and possibly expelled. We have to go to court and not sure what the legal consequences will be but I am going to ask the judge to not be lenient and to scare the crap out her so she understands the seriousness of this situation. I am not sure what to do for punishment. Within the last 6 months my happy easy going little girl has turned into a disobedient and disrespectful kid I don't recognize. She snuck out of the house and had sex with a boy we didn't approve of her seeing. We then took electronics away and friends and would not allow her to see this kid who is more than bad news. He smokes pot, lives with his dad who doesn't monitor anything he does, he is 2 years older and drives and treats her very disrespectfully and she begs him not to break up with her acting desperate for this kid and he takes full advantage of her vulnerability. We then tried reverse psychology allowing her to see the boy ONLY under our total supervision not allowing her to ride in a car with him or see him alone. The hopes to this logic to let her see his true colors and have it not be so exciting since she wouldn't be sneaking around. It worked for a little while and she broke up with him for a week and now back to him being her total reason for living. She has stolen some money from me and sold some if her clothes to a consignment shop to buy him an expensive gift got his birthday without my permission. I monitor all her text messaging and Facebook use and have read her practically begging him to stop breaking up with her on a daily basis. She has gone from a "A-B" student to "C&D's". I have her seeing a counselor and psychiatrist. She is on a low dose antidepressant. What else can I do to turn this kid back around? She lives with me and my fiancé and sees her dad when he has time for her. She also has a older brother that is a high functioning autism and has been a major drain on the family. We are in the process if getting him into a group home to help him with life skills since he is almost 18 and acts like he's 10.
I don't need a PHD to realize where her struggles are coming from. Daddy not giving her attention and brother hogging lots of attention with bad behavior so she gets pushed aside sometimes so I can deal with his temper tantrums. But what do I do to help her without being her friend and remaining my mom role? How do I punish her for her behavior? I'm at the end of my rope!!!! Help???? Please????

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Sarah - posted on 09/19/2013

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Thank you Tina. I am hoping her getting in trouble will wake her up to the road she is going down. Because she was going to a school not in district ( school of choice) she may not return to that school. She has gone there her whole life but I think it's best she go to the school that is in our district which has an excellent reputation. Hopefully she can make new friends and realize she can be happy on her own without the boyfriend. I think he will end things since she will no longer be seeing him. Just need to monitor her to make sure she doesn't sneak out. And pray ! A lot! :)

Sarah - posted on 09/19/2013

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Thank you Tina. I just found out that she will have to switch schools because she goes to a school outside our school district as school of choice and if you are suspended your school of choice is revoked. I think it is actually a good thing. Now I don't have to be the bad guy and send her to a different school which I have been wanting to do for a long time. Hopefully the boyfriend will Move on And she can make new friends that are better influences. Lots of prayer!

Tina - posted on 09/19/2013

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Its so tough knowing whaHWe took things away, grounded him and then things seem to get better then get worse again. (his father got custody at age 4) We finally ended up in court and asked that he be made to volunteer (communiyt service) along with any other decisions made by the judge. We also had to go to parenting classes for teenagers and that was embarressing enough for him to sit in a big circle with 8-10 other children who were getting in trouble also not only have to talk about himself and what he actions had been and why but he had his parents right next so he couldn't lie and then we were asked questions that we had to answer. He actually learned a lot from the other kids who had done worse things than he was acting out from. Things did eventually get better but it took us watching him every move until it changed. Good luck and I hope it gets better soon for you and your family.

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