14 year old arrested for buying marijuanna. How so I punish her?

Sarah - posted on 09/19/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old was punished yesterday for buying marijuanna at school. She is suspended and possibly expelled. We have to go to court and not sure what the legal consequences will be but I am going to ask the judge to not be lenient and to scare the crap out her so she understands the seriousness of this situation. I am not sure what to do for punishment. Within the last 6 months my happy easy going little girl has turned into a disobedient and disrespectful kid I don't recognize. She snuck out of the house and had sex with a boy we didn't approve of her seeing. We then took electronics away and friends and would not allow her to see this kid who is more than bad news. He smokes pot, lives with his dad who doesn't monitor anything he does, he is 2 years older and drives and treats her very disrespectfully and she begs him not to break up with her acting desperate for this kid and he takes full advantage of her vulnerability. We then tried reverse psychology allowing her to see the boy ONLY under our total supervision not allowing her to ride in a car with him or see him alone. The hopes to this logic to let her see his true colors and have it not be so exciting since she wouldn't be sneaking around. It worked for a little while and she broke up with him for a week and now back to him being her total reason for living. She has stolen some money from me and sold some if her clothes to a consignment shop to buy him an expensive gift got his birthday without my permission. I monitor all her text messaging and Facebook use and have read her practically begging him to stop breaking up with her on a daily basis. She has gone from a "A-B" student to "C&D's". I have her seeing a counselor and psychiatrist. She is on a low dose antidepressant. What else can I do to turn this kid back around? She lives with me and my fiancé and sees her dad when he has time for her. She also has a older brother that is a high functioning autism and has been a major drain on the family. We are in the process if getting him into a group home to help him with life skills since he is almost 18 and acts like he's 10.
I don't need a PHD to realize where her struggles are coming from. Daddy not giving her attention and brother hogging lots of attention with bad behavior so she gets pushed aside sometimes so I can deal with his temper tantrums. But what do I do to help her without being her friend and remaining my mom role? How do I punish her for her behavior? I'm at the end of my rope!!!! Help???? Please????

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Lilia - posted on 09/20/2013

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Great! I am so glad that a natural consequence was for her to switch schools! What a blessing! I hope she really thrives there and that she is happy. Those years are so hard, but there is always a way if she is willing. I hope things go great for you guys! Good luck educating her and way to go for staying by her side:):):).

Sarah - posted on 09/19/2013

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Thank you so much. I just found out that due to my daughter attending a school outside of our district her "school of choice" is revoked and she will have to attend the school in our district. It's a good school I just had her attending the other school because we moved and that was her school since she was in kindergarten. I think it's a good thing. Maybe she can meet new friends and gain some confidence back. I think she needs to understand we are disappointed of her choices and make her understand the severity of her choices. I think your idea is a good one. What could be better of teaching her the consequences of doing drugs but medically to convince her where this road is going if she continues her bad decisions. Good idea. Ill Keep you posted.

Lilia - posted on 09/19/2013

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What helped me when I was young were those shows that reveal the life of people who have chosen those paths. At a very young age I decided to stay away from needle drugs because I watched about a women who was literally purple with holes all over her body. Another about a boy who huffed and pushed his friend in a fire cause he thought it was "pretty". Reality mixed with love and concern would really help. When I was her age and my aunt tried to intervene in my choices (I had no mom) I seriously wondered why she even cared. Even though the women provided for me and hung out with me. She never actually communicated to me that she was worried about me and seriously wanted me to be TRULY happy. Not just pleased for a moment.. that would lead to a life time of pain. I actually told this to my older sister. She was cheating on her husband and was angry with me for not just being happy that she was happy (because all her friends were). I told her that I loved her more then her friends because I cared more about her eternal happiness and not just her happiness for today. Hope this helps!

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