14 year old daughter refuses to listen! What kind of punishment is left that we haven't already used?

Kristina Marie - posted on 03/22/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Our 14 year old is a talented athletic girl who loves softball and plays on the high school team and a highly competitive travel ball team. However, she connects with the wrong friends at school and boyfriends. She never tells us about the boys, but through her text messages she has kissed them at school. ***sigh*** We have taken away her cell phone, ipod, ipad, NintendoDsi (everything she can get on the internet with). She had an incident with others who talked her into doing something she should have not done. She was told to stay away from them. After 1 1/2 years, she began a friendship again with one of the people.

We have been very open with her in the ways of the world and how one decision can impact her for the rest of her life! She only has friends over who we approve of and we met the parents first. She is so stubborn and gives the excuse "I wasn't thinking" or "I forgot"!!!! She knows the rules, but yet still decides to not follow them. She says we are strict and overprotective and we invade her privacy, but she has broken our trust repeatedly.

Any advice??????

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Alicia - posted on 03/28/2013

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My 14 year old daughter is very much like your daughter she plays softball & runs track. She recently started hanging out with a girl who gets to do what she wants & who tells her parents what to do. The only punishment that I have found to be in any way helpful is to treat her like a little kid I ground her to her room with no tv, no phone, no friends, no books, no sports(she hates this & so does the school but my daughter comes 1st & I think she hates this the most) no sleeping(if caught sleeping she gets an ice cold glass of water thrown on her) she only has home work & 4 walls to stare at before she gets ungrounded we have a talk with her & she doesn't get ungrounded unless she understands why she was grounded & if she accepts our talk & punishment without attitude. I know is sounds extreme but this is the only thing that i have found that helps at all & she is learning that I mean what i say. I hope this was helpful

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/28/2013

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Take her off the travel team. She is being disrespectful, dishonest, and stubborn.

The traveling team is extracurricular, and if she loves it that much, it'll kill her to lose it. When she's toeing the line again, she can be allowed to try out for that team again.

I will say this, though: The more you try to forbid her friends, the more she's going to strive to hang with them, regardless of your dislike of them. The stronger your dislike, the stronger her attraction. It works the same with boys.

She sees strict. I see you doing your job. She sees overprotective, I see you doing your job. She sees invasion of privacy, but she doesn't have any privacy (except personal, such as bathroom) until she's an adult. That's how life works when you're a kid.

So, first, I'd pull the extracurricular traveling team (and save yourself a buck or two for a few months...LOL). If that doesn't have an effect, then the HS softball team goes next. Yep, she'll hate it, but it's not necessary for her to graduate.

Alternatively, you can homeschool her, and only allow the socialization that you approve of. She could still participate in organized sports, but you'd be controlling the interactions.

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