15 year old daughter acts very immature, disrespectful, lazy, poor social skills LONG. Sorry :)

Cindy - posted on 05/18/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My dd is 15 and in 9 th grade this year. I noticed she changed when she entered middle school. She did not fit in with most of her old friends who's interests were boys and makeup while hers was and is still cartoons and mostly kid shows. In some ways there have been improvements but in other areas all new challenges have surfaced. I just don't know how to handle her anymore. If I tell her she is being a baby is that negative reinforcement? Here are several specific examples.

Immaturity: I carpool and have to take other kids home after school and she asks me to take her home first and then drop all the other kids off after. This is completely out if the way and she knows it but she will just repeat over and over "mom I wanna go home". I tell her no but she will repeat it over and over like 15 times. And this is in front of a bunch of the middle school boys 2 years younger than her. She doesn't even care she is embarrassing herself. When I told her if she asked one more time she would be grounded, she started clicking and unclicking her seatbelt over and over just to annoy me. Until I finally had to yell at her in front of everyone.

Disrespectful: see above! Also she pitches a fit if I am cooking something for dinner that she doesn't want to try and she wants to just eat rice. (She has terrible eating habits). So she says well mom, I guess I just won't eat then since you obviously don't care about me and woNt make me something g else. I refuse to be a short order cook. So she says she just won't eat again and it is my fault. She blames everything on everyone but herself.

She won't share at all with her siblings or myself. One day I pretended to grab a chocolate from her when we were driving and she actually bit my hand!! She is 15 not 5!

Social/peer differences: she cares nothing about her appearance. She brushes her hair but when I ask her if she wants me to blow it out or help her get out the frizz (we love in Florida" she wants nothing to do with it. She dressed sloppy most of the time when not at school. She isn't into makeup or boys which is fine but she seems so far behind her peers In this ways. She doesn't make any effort to make new friends. She is at a new school this year. She comes off as completely unapproachable and the few kids that seemed to extend out an olive branch to her, she never followed through. She makes judgements in everyone. She makes blanket statements like, everyone in her school is annoying. She makes no effort to get to know anyone. I think by her thinking everyone is a jerk or annoying it is a self defense mechanism to make her feel less self conscious about not having many friends. But she honestly has no interesting in making them.

She complains constantly. For every 15 complaints your be lucky to get one positive statement. She seems to have a hard time taking positive feedback as well. Oh and she hates any physical contact. I try to tough her arm or hug her and she flings me away like I have a disease. Up until 6th grade she lived giving hugs. There is no sexual abuse. She has never even Been alone with boy or make strangers.

She could sit in her room all day. Thankfully she has finally come out of her shell and wants to get out more on weekend with friends. She would go months without returning phone calls or texts from friends. Eventually the small group if friends she did have just stopped trying. Now she finally wants to do things and she literally only has one friend who stuck around. And her friendships seems very surface lev. I dint see her having any meaningful talks about anything of substance.

I forced her to get her learners permit after 3 months if putting it off but she refuses to try to drive. Every kid I know at 15 can't wait to start learning.

LasTly she fights with her 10 yr old sister all the time. just to rile her up. My youngest is everything my teen is not. She is into fashion. Very social. Always invited to friends house. And more mature than my 15 yr old. That has to be hard on the older one. I thought it would motivate her to grow up but it seems to make her feel better putting the younger one down

I don't know what to do. Everything I do seems wrong. I know this is very long. I thought all these specific examples might help paint a better picture.

I put her on add meds this year bc her grades have plummeted over the past two years. She has no patience to sit and study at all. They are belief some but not much.

Thanks,

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Janine - posted on 04/25/2016

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I have similar issues with my 15 year old daughter. I have a call into her dr., but don't think that going to therapy or medication is the solution (btw, she is completely opposed to this as well). She sees my attempts at wanting to help her as negative comments about her and she blames me for he low confidence and self esteem. She takes things very literally, which I think is part of the immaturity. I believe it's almost like her brain is wired this way and wired more like boys, which is very tough being a teenage GIRL! I think that a lot of these things are out of her control, even though they can come off as spoiled or disrespectful. I am trying so hard and have done a lot of research and I feel like I am the only one dealing with such things so nice to have a community out there. So much I could say, but trying to keep short. I am now looking into neurofeedback. It just makes sense to me to figure out how my daughter's brain works since everyone's is unique to them and then try to train the brain to think differently and this can possibly be done without medication. I am not completely opposed to medication, but in an effort to help her in middle school I tried all the ADD meds. and they all showed other side affects like stomach pain or more significant behavior issues or anger, etc., so not sure this is the answer. I will say I didn't try for very long because it's more of trial and error approach that drs. use with these medications. I think this brain mapping QEEG can help as it can tell what is specific to how my daughter's brain works. Problem is that insurance may not cover it as this is not yet proven by medical drs. to have enough evidence that it helps, but there are many studies and it's becoming more known and accepted that it can treat many neurological disorders, help diagnose and even help to find the correct medication. I am determined and trying everything, but I must say I feel so helpless at times and it is exhausting.

Valinda - posted on 05/20/2014

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My name is Valinda White...I read like half of your statement about your 15 year old and she reminds me of my son which is 19 now...I had the same problem with my son he never like being around alot of kids his age, he never wanna leave home or he would get upset just so I can take him home, An my son enjoy cartoon at the age of 19 and he still act sometime like a 10yr old. I notice the change in my son when he was 12 it's like he was always wanting to be alone he didn't care about having friends and he always thought that people was looking at him when we go out.An when I cook dinner it is never what he want but I am the kind of parent if I cook you will eat or you go to bed hungry, Remember kids have a mind game going on inside of there head and they want to see how far they can push the parent's until we give in, I am not saying to over look any SIGNS that you may see in your child as a parent seek help first and than find out what is your next step. My son is now 19 and I took him to see a specialist when he was 14 and let me say that was the best thing that I could have done for him, But I still stand in my shoe when it comes down to being a parent so you might wanna get your child check not saying that she has problem but if she do atleast you will know the correct way of dealing with it. GOOD LUCK (by the way my son was diagnosis with ADHD an Impulsive Behavior Disorder) So now I know whats wrong and how to deal with it the right way.

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