16 year old

Lisa - posted on 09/07/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am a single mother of three at home still ~ boys 17 and 15 and daughter 10. I was in a physically abusive marriage for 15 years ~ finally found the courage and resources to leave ~ been on our own for 5 years now. Things have got progressively worse., The oldest is smoking weed ~ and i just found out from him that he has also done OXY ~ this child is miserable~rude and I am sick and tired of it filtering down to the others. I am in a quandery ~ he threatens to move to his fathers however the father hasn't paid support in over 5 yrs is on drugs and dealing so rumour has it ~ the Canadian courts even saw fit to take away his access ~ that doesn't happen without reason ~ so now I'm stuck ~ I don't want him to become another spousal abuser ~ he won't seek help ~ bottom line ~ I'm tired of being told to shut the **** up on a daily basis ~ I'm tired of crying my eyes out on a daily basis ~ I can't seem to get any of our so called community services to help. Anyone have any ideas?



Frusterated and tired of caring.

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Amy - posted on 09/07/2012

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Lisa, I'm very sorry your going through all of this.



But it sounds like you have gone from letting someone walk all over you (and physically abuse you) to letting the kids do the same thing. I'm a tough love kind of person and your going to have to buck up. If you are serious about straighten out your kids you have got to start today right now.

First how long until the 17yo turns 18? Your fifteen year old is going to walk right in his foot steps, if he hasn't already started. Does the 17yo work? Is he in school? You need to find out your rights as a parent. Start with that.



We as parents on this site are all having the same kind of problems. And we all, I guarantee, are making the same mistakes. We are giving too much. Cell phone, computers, money, etc. The kids are not earning anything. They all feel entitled. And for some strange reason, we feel bad.



That is were we have to draw the line. WE ARE NOT THIER FRIENDS!!! We are their parents and they are out of control and need us. They need our guidance.



Your son needs to respect you. He also know he has you by the balls Lisa. If shut the fuck up rolls off the tongue without a second thought, then there is a huge problem.



I can't tell you what to do, but kicking him out and letting him hit bottom and getting a reality check sounds great. If his father hasn't paid support in five years, more than likely he wont take him either. Its a gamble, but your being abused mentally, if not physically, tell him to call his dad to come get him. I doubt he will. But like I said it a gamble. He is a 17yo and can take care of himself.Let him go see what its like out there. No other parent will put up with him in their house either. Let him know the door is open if he want to come back, but things will be different, or he can go again.



If you don't make your stand the other children will follow. Everyone needs to know you mean

business. That you have control. It actually gives children comfort knowing someone is in control and cares.







Also, don't make any threats that you aren't willing to keep. EVER. It's like training a toddler, or a dog. Consistency. A toddler will try you, this is a whole new level. All of us are making the same mistake. I guarantee it. We are not consistent. We are giving too much, and not following through on punishments,because you don't want them to miss out, and it's easier then listening to the nagging. We all have to stand firm. I've even started involving other parents of my children. It's quiet humbling telling your kids friends your failing as a parent. But your will be surprised that almost everyone is going through the same thing.



Good luck Lisa. It will be another hard road. But if you stood up for yourself once you can do it again.

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