16 yr old daughter dating a 22 yr old man

Bon - posted on 04/03/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I recently learned my 16 yr old daughter is dating a 22 yr old man. When she first told me my husband and I wrongly decided to allow it for now. However it has been killing me and I know it's the wrong decision. He's jealous, possessive and passively controlling. I know this by reading her texts and she trusts me and talks to me. I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I know this is just wrong. So I just told her today that it has to end. I had her call the guy in front of me and break it off. I also told him that I'm sure he's aware that in our state 16 is not the consensual age. He's scared to death I will have him arrested for statutory rape. I'm hoping that fear will prevent them from sneaking around. They have only been together for a month but I can see she's heart broken. She called me every name in the
book and said she would hate me forever and never speak to me about anything ever again. I know it's the right thing. I guess I'm just fearing the blowback from her. You you think it was the right thing to do?

6 Comments

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Patricia - posted on 05/05/2013

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I think you should have let her learn on her own that he was no good for her and then decide for herself to end it, rather than letting her think you would allow it and then later on changing your mind. She is your daughter, but if she doesn't tell you who to see and who to stay away from, then you shouldn't do that to her. She's not a toddler anymore and she needs to learn things for herself. You telling her what to do and how to live isn't going to accomplish anything but making her resent you

Holly - posted on 04/04/2013

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evelyn, I had the same thing, i was young 17yo, and was introduced to this waiter friend of my parents. he too, hated when i wore shorts, or skirts. he had to listen in on my phone calls, didn't matter if it were male or female, i thought it was cute that he was so jealous. i moved in with him when i was 18, because i was angry with my mother. then i was hard headed and didn't want to come back to my mother's house. he took me to clubs, bars, restaurants, snuck me alcohol. I thought i was in love... then he didn't allow me to go grocery shopping with out him or his brother. he didn't like it when i talked to my mom too much, then when i went to go do laundry, i had to be escorted by him or his brother. then when i started snooping through his wallet (because he wouldn't come home for the night, or for a few days) he found out and got so angry that he'd strike me... when i went through his car and find rolls of film, undeveloped, and get them developed... he grabbed me by my hair and slung me into the wall and get in my face and threaten me... but then later tell me i am lucky, because he isn't as bad as his friend or brother with his girlfriend... I was still too hard headed, didn't want to prove my mom right.... my dad even told him once, don't bring my daughter back (in a joking fashion). I didn't want to prove to them i made a mistake. I ended up pregnant.... and we BOTH moved back in with my parents... i was afraid to go into labor with him out drinking and unable to get to the hospital.... I was scared... after having my baby, i got the courage to get him put in jail for abusing me, the next time he did it. but then when he got bailed out, i FEARED for my life, i tought for SURE he would come after me and kill me... I still get paranoid over this.


DO NOT let his happen to your daughter!

Holly - posted on 04/04/2013

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one day this passively controlling man is going to turn into a physically abusive man, I've been there, done that.. DO NOT allow her to sneak around to see this man. she may hate you for now, but she should not be seeing a man that is jealous, possessive or controlling! you need to let her know she is young and needs to concentrate on her studies so that she can be an independent woman who does not need to depend on a man to support her in life.

Bon - posted on 04/04/2013

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She cried all night. She won't go to school this morning she's just crying. She's so heart broken. She was already in love with him. Thank you so much for your reply I really needed to hear that I was doing the right thing this morning.

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