17 year old daughter dating 24 year old emo

Diane - posted on 04/05/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter who is turning 18 in 3 months just started dating a 24 year old emo... His age worries us and the fact that he is still dressing emo (hair / clothing / face jewellery). My daughter says he doesn't cut and not into the drinking/drug scene. We haven't met him but have only seen him on Facebook and knew of him when he used to work at local grocery mart many years ago. To make matters worse... he has a child... the mother has full custody of the kid. My husband and I don't want her to date him... but she said he very nice if we could get by the image of him. But being very truthful... we cannot stand the whole emo look. It makes us quite frustrated and is causing tension. We haven't met him yet and not sure how we will even connect with him when we do.... help... any constructive advice?

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Jodi - posted on 04/06/2013

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Why not invite him over for dinner one night and get to know him? It sounds like you are judging him purely on the way he dresses, and the fact that he already has a child. Your superficial judgements are what is causing the tension here. It doesn't matter what you think about the "emo look", you are stereotyping and forming superficial judgements. I would be annoyed at you if you were my mother too - you can be bothered forming a judgement but don't bother to get to know him first.

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Christie - posted on 03/26/2015

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I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this, but your daughter is 17 and should be able to make decisions for herself. If she says he's a nice guy, then he probably is! Try to get past the emo look and get to know him for what he is inside. You may be surprised to find he's not a bad guy!

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You shouldn't judge someone on what they look like and dress. The way you just described him is very judgmental. Seriously, get over yourselves. The only thing that is weird about him is that he's 24 and dating a 17 year old. But she is almost 18 ... so.

Shelly - posted on 04/08/2013

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Since she's almost 18 not a whole lot you can do or say; she'll be able to choose to date him in 3 months anyways. The "Emo" thing --- may not be your thing; but I bet if you look back there were friends, music, etc.... that your parents couldn't stand either. I would suggest getting to know him. I am the mother of 4 daughters (20, 18, 17, 13) and 1 son (14); I've seen all sorts and usually the ones that I feel "there's no way" about are the ones that turn out to be the really nice ones that are respectful not only to my daughters but to my husband and myself as well. There's an old saying . . .Never judge a book by its cover. On another note, we fostered two sisters a few years back and the youngest would dress really nice except for Tuesdays (the day they had visitation with their mother) on Tuesdays she would dress all in black, put on black lipstick, put on fake/clip on body piercings, etc.... She was the best kid, never caused any trouble and a straight A student,. When people saw us in public on Tuesdays; we'd get looks -- but they didn't know her like we did. Get to know him, you may be surprised and it will help to keep a good relationship with your daughter as well.

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