17 year old daughter living with boyfriend

Rachel - posted on 09/28/2015 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My 17yr old daughter lives with her boyfriend and is making terrible choices. Uses the fact that she doesn't live under our roof to avoid ownership/responsibility for her actions. How to I guide her in the right direction?

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Rachel - posted on 10/09/2015

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Have you asked her the reasoning for wanting to attend a public school? You don't want this to turn into a power struggle either. How important is it to you that she remains in a catholic school? Honestly, as long as she is still planning to graduate I think you need to let her make that decision for herself. Count your blessings at this point. Shes still in school!!!! Maybe ask her to come over and tell her that you will support her in this decision if she is able to explain to you why it is so important to her. Lashing out is just showing you that she is not mature enough to make such an important decision and if that's the case than you won't be signing anything. As for the "stuff" it is hers. We allowed are daughter to take personal belongings such. Items such as furniture and lavish things are a privilege to residing at home.

Melissa - posted on 10/09/2015

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Are problem is school she went to a Christian school and is a sr there and she wonts us to sign papers to go to a public school were her classes won't transfer . And so that is making her a lower classman . We said no she can homeschool with her old school a graduate on time . She is pissed at us now and is demand we give her all her stuff or she will have the cops at are house we did give her a lot of stuff . But now she wonts her gurta

Rachel - posted on 10/09/2015

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That was my struggle at the beginning. I have found that tough love is what you need to do. We would offer help with boundaries. For example a situation here was drivers ed. We felt it was important and offered to pay for it as their income is limited on condition that she passed all courses. Unfortunately this didn't happen which is where tough love set in. I think you just have to put some real boundaries up. This is a choice she made. We would get suckered into buying groceries too and they would take advantage. Got to the point where we really had to say if you're starving than you're welcome to come here to eat. It is soo difficult but if you keep giving it will not help her any.

Melissa - posted on 10/09/2015

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So they ever come home ? My child is getting a big dose of the real word she is 17 and needs us for all the legal responsibility . She only wonts us if she need something . This its killing me I would t to say no I won't to say yes but the tuff mom in me says hell no your a adult . Deal with it . I am so destroyed on what to do .

Rachel - posted on 10/09/2015

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How long has your daughter been living with her boyfriend? In our situation I've come to the realization that now that she has had a real taste of living on her own she likely will not come home. So the communication we do have is focused on the positive, things such as goals that she has had for herself. For my daughter she had left home just after signing a modelling contract and bc of the lifestyle change put on some weight. So we go to the gym regularly just the two of us. Gives me time with just her and we focus on what she is passionate about. For Destiny that is her moving to Toronto and getting a loft with girlfriends while she travels the world modelling. Sounds trivial but I find it keeps her focused on herself and making some better decisions outside of the boyfriend. So my advise would be remember what it was your daughter is passionate about and keep your conversations focused on what was important to her. If she feels like your goal is to get her home she'll pull away further. At that age it is all about freedom.

Melissa - posted on 10/08/2015

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I to have the same problem I just can't deal with it . I am at a loss for words I keep telling myself that she will come back . How so you deal go on with your life's . How

Rachel - posted on 10/01/2015

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This is the delema. There is really no one that can provide any answers on how to approach the situation. I will just continue to keep lines of communication open and hope that she will find herself again. Thanks for trying

Rachel - posted on 10/01/2015

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Communication is open for sure and that does help but when her boyfriend is home(from the military) she tends to be self distructive as she isolates herself from friends/family. Everything takes a back seat to him and his agenda such as school. With that said to give you a bit of a back story she was in a relationship prior to this boyfriend who was obsessed with her and date raped her the duration of their relationship. Had attempted suicide when she finally found the courage to break it off. So she has some psychological things she was in counselling for but does not go now. As a result she suffers from an eating disorder and anxiety now. Really needs help but our hands are tied. Frustrating situation

Rachel - posted on 10/01/2015

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Ontario. Not only can she make the decision to live with her boyfriend legally but she can also ensure that the matters concerning school and medical records are private. This is why it is so difficult.

Rachel - posted on 10/01/2015

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The simple answer is because she is 16 she legally can make that choice. Legally we can not force her to live at home.

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