17 year old daughter says shes been dating her friend for a year!!

Shelby - posted on 08/02/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter has lied to me for over a year. She is 17 and played soccer and is going to play in college in just a few weeks. She had an older friend that we let her hang out with all summer, even paid for a hotel so they could check out the college. She came home and ends up telling us shes been dating her. NEVER would I have let them sleep over together or go to hotels, I feel so betrayed and taken advantage of! Now I have one week before she leaves and all heck is breaking out. She blames me for being mad because of the gay thing, believe me I'm not happy one bit about that, but the deceit and lies is whats eating me up. I do not know how to cope, ive gone through different stages each day from , crying, anger, guilt, etc. any advice

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Chet - posted on 08/03/2014

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First of all, I would try to cut your daughter a little bit of slack. What did you expect her to do?

It's very difficult to be open about alternative sexuality, especially when you're in high school. You're often afraid to tell your family, and you don't have the freedom to explore intimate relationships more publicly the way that heterosexual teens do.

It's easy to understand why a 16 year old would choose to hide her lesbian relationship behind a guise of friendship... especially a first relationship where she might have a lot of things to sort out herself before she can even attempt to explain them to her family. It's difficult to be honest and up front about something you're still trying to figure out for yourself.

This is not the end of the world. You've got a daughter who has been in the same relationship for a year. She plays varsity sports, and she got herself into college. She's got to be a mostly decent kid with her head pointing in mostly the right direction. It's understandable that this may be a rough spot for the two of your to get through, but try to keep things in perspective.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/06/2014

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Well, now you know why she hid the relationship. She was afraid that you'd respond exactly as you did.

Look inside yourself. Decide if you are a big enough person to accept your daughter's sexuality without being judgmental about it. If you are, then explain to your daughter that the sexuality is not the issue, the hiding of truth is the issue.

If you cannot accept your daughter's sexuality without being judgmental, then do both of you a favour right now. Keep your mouth shut, stop arguing with her right now, let her move on. That may save your relationship in the long run.

Being untruthful is not OK and I'm not advocating it for anyone, but for LGBT kids...its a different story. They could be in danger if they're truthful to the wrong people, unfortunately, and this includes family.

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