17 year old daughter thinks the whole world revolves around her!!!!

Susan - posted on 07/21/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old thinks everything revolves around her. I'm a single mom and having a hard time with my 17 year old. She does not do anything around the house. Correction she only cleans her room and her stuff, but only when she wants to do it. She refuses to learn to drive but has a job and expects me or her brother to driver back and forth to work. She sAys her pay check is hers and refuses to contribute for gas. I'm beyond pissed at her. I don't know what to do. Her father I not in the picture except to pay child support. I have to fight her every time on every thing. If I don't agree with her (which is often) she just goes in her room and stays there. She refuses to talk or respond. Yelling does not work and taking away things do not work. She does not like me having friends or boyfriends. It's like my life does not matter. I'm just here for the money and to listen to her and take her places. I can't have a different opinion or argue with her or tell her no. If I do then we have no conversation. I have told her she has to quite her job or get herself to work. I'm sick of being the bank and the cab.

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Elaine - posted on 07/22/2016

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I feel your pain! I am a single parent with teenagers! It is an emotional roller coaster, some days seem OK, other days feel like a disaster. I have one teenager that is as challenging as your daughter. Teenagers raise lots of emotion in Moms, ranging from anger to hurt to extreme frustration. I understand. You are correct, yelling does not work. If anything, it makes teenagers think they are winning because you are visibly upset. And yes, taking away privileges doesn't always work either because they are not vested in many things and often find a way around what has been denied. I understand you feel like she does not want a parent, that you only feel like a checkbook. I also understand that you feel lonely because you do not feel like you can live your life as you wish. Here is the hopeful news. It does get better and it WILL. Teenagers are naturally self-centered and very self-focused. Your daughter is no different than most kids her age. The article that Eager Beaver referenced has a lot of wisdom in it. Pick your battles and let stuff go that does not impact the well-being of the family. Might be best to not comment about her room, her clothes, etc. If she is not willing to drive, then it is not unreasonable that she pays some gas money. If she is unwilling, you may have to refuse to drive. You always remind her that you love her and want the best for her and that includes learning to be responsible for herself. You want to support her but you certainly do not want to enable her in areas that she needs to take charge of for herself. If she speaks to you disrespectfully or yells, you have every right to leave the room; simply explain that it is not OK that she speaks that way to you and when she can speak in a respectful way, you are happy to continue the conversation. She is not going to change yet, so you need to change the way you respond to her. Decide on boundaries for yourself and then implement. Limit what you disagree about, choose silence if it is not a serious issue. Teenagers often want the conflict so they can justify why they should not have a relationship with their parent and run their own lives. Take her reasons away to be angry with you! She may start to respond differently. This is a season, you can do this. Even though it seems like it will never get better right now, it will end! Assure her of your love and she will demonstrate her love for you soon enough. I wish you the best.

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Chris - posted on 08/07/2016

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Ask yourself, what does my daughter care about? Is it her job, friends, social media? If it is her job, only take her to her job after she has done some chores around the house. Or just don't driver her. She can walk, use a bus, ride a bike. Don't give her any money. She has her own paycheck. If it's social media, take away all electronics. She can earn them back. She will think your a major witch with a capital B but that is fine. It is more important that she learns to respect others, especially a parent who has given so much to get her to this point in her life. I know I need to get tougher on my 16 year old daughter. Her room is constantly trashed. I just need to take away her phone, iPod, computer until her room is clean. She will be earning it back each night. No clean room when she leaves for the day means no electronics for the day. Not always easy to stand your ground, but in the end, it is worth it.

Shondra - posted on 07/23/2016

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Eager - posted on 07/21/2016

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Hi, Susan! Whether you realize it or not, your daughter’s behavior is increasingly common and I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through with her. I feel setting appropriate boundaries with your daughter might be a good solution. A friend of mine faced a similar situation, and she found this article - http://bit.ly/2ae9vIZ - very helpful in dealing with her teenager, hope you will find it useful, as well. May God bless you with wisdom and guidance you need during this time, friend. Hugs!

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