17 year old son hates our family- Need advice!

App+7mnejhu - posted on 02/29/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old son has been dating a girl for 2 years. All was fine for a bit, I tried to be nice to the girl and her family because her mom treats the kids like friends instead of a parent, I saw that I was slowly losing my son to them. I used to have a good relationship with him. He has been so angry and hateful to our family, mostly me, for a little over a year. He has pulled away and will not talk to us or be involved. I decided because of this, that I would look at his texts and found out the mother and daughter were both talking about me behind my back, calling me things and saying how horrible I was. I was angry and finally spoke all the hurt feelings I have had, now he completely hates me and thinks I ruined his life. He is grounded now for saying f you to me. This has never been in his character. He says, he will not follow our rules. I am heartbroken and at at loss for what to do. I would appreciate any advice or words of encouragement!

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Tammy - posted on 04/03/2017

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That is a very difficult situation. I would tread very lightly because hr may be waiting to snap on you. He is obviously being strongly influenced by his gfs family. Hopefully he will wake up and realize how much damage he is causing. Truly hope that this goes well for you

Michelle - posted on 03/31/2017

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Debbie: This is an old thread, you would be better off starting your own conversation if you want people to help you.

Debbie - posted on 03/30/2017

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My 18 year old was failing his Senior year because he did not want to go to school so he just quit going. Therefore he has to redo his senior year. So now all he wants to do is play his x-box and stay up all night. We told him he has to get a job until August when he starts back to school. He won't get online to even look for a job. He has been grounded for 4 months and don't seem to care. Before he was very social. College is in HIS plans but I don't know if that's going to work out since he never liked school! At a loss of what to do now.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/05/2016

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While you do have the responsibility, as a parent, to monitor things such as texts, etc, if you had NOT done so before, but did so to satisfy your curiousity now, I'd say you're snooping at this point.

Kids always talk behind their parents back, just as we did.

Your mistake may have been not addressing issues immediately. You let it fester for over a year. at this point, your son is pushing adulthood, and depending on the age of emancipation in your area, he can request emancipation before he reaches his 18th birthday. Not real sure what you can do at this point, except let him know you'll always love him and accept and support (emotionally) him.

Helena - posted on 03/01/2016

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Is this the first time you've read his texts? If so, I am sure he is really really shocked and upset with you because of it. He is almost an adult and you are clearly treating him like a kid if you are reading his texts. I would suggest that you apologize to him and promise him that you will never snoop around like that again. That in the future, if you want to know something, you will just ask him. This is how one treats an adult, which is what he nearly is. I think you've already missed the boat to discipline him as if he were a child. If he were 15, that'd be another story. But at 17, he is not going to start following your rules now. Try to think of him as, say, the young teller at your bank and talk to him the way you would the young teller. You need to start forming an adult relationship with him now. Parenting is so hard. Best of luck to you.

Raye - posted on 02/29/2016

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Well, you should have been monitoring all his texts and other app/internet usage all along. At 17, he's near the age of being an adult. So, I'm not sure how much you're going to get him to change now.

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