17 yo issues

Rnfarina - posted on 10/19/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 17 yo is a quite one, don't share anything, just answer the questions asked. Yesterday when we had conversation during lunch, he said that there are issues with his relationships with me. I was very disjointed and sad to hear that he feels that way. He said I'm constantly on his back. His concerns: I text him to find out when he's gonna be home when he's out. I judge him when he tells me anything bad about someone, I tell him to keep distance with company of people who do drugs or are into bag habits. I think he's hanging out in a bad company because he changed his mind about choosing his career recently. And that I put a curfew at midnight. Am I being a strict parent?

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Gardensparrow - posted on 10/20/2015

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Well, I understand it's hard to hear that from your child. But it sounds like you're doing your best to set some boundaries with him, and have his best interest in mind. And sometimes that means you won't always be the most popular parent. But I think it's more important to be his mom than just his friend. Of course, as kids get older, you do have to change the way you parent them a bit, and gradually give them more freedom to make their own decisions. Whether your son is at this point or not would be up to your best judgment. But maybe some of the thoughts from this article (http://bit.ly/1PEQeOe) will give you some ideas on balancing connecting with him, while also setting boundaries? Just FYI!

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Corrin - posted on 10/22/2015

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Sometimes what we feel we're doing the best for our kids may not be what will work for them. Instead of making him feel distrusted because he thinks you're constantly on his back, why not tell him to inform you (in turn shows his maturity and responsibility to you in case you get worried as his mother naturally).
I had instances when boy went out with his friends without telling. Instead of putting restrictions on him, we told him that he needs to inform where he wants to go so that at least we know his whereabouts. And he does.
Approach with every child is different as well.
Agree with GardenSparrow that parenting skills have to be tweaked to their age. As they grow, we have to also learn to slowly let go while still watching their back. It's a bit-by-bit feedback loop where you tweak and improve with methods that works for both of you.

Rnfarina - posted on 10/19/2015

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So depressed :( when u think you giving your kids the best and you get to hear this in return

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