18 year old, has been a nightmare, now is making a life choice for a BF...need help please...

Shawn - posted on 06/26/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I had posted some time ago that my daughter was in danger of not graduating HS...she had chosen a BF of which essentially caused her to fall so behind with HS that she was not going to graduate...it was a horrible situation...I knew she needed help, and I was there and got her out of this crackhouse she was living in, got her back on her feet with school and she seemed to be on a very good path for herself...the BF screwing her over helped immensely. During this whole turbulent time, my husband has been in TX for over 7 months now. We have been waiting to hear the word on relocating and during the time getting the final word, my daughter hooked up with ANOTHER BF...this time though, this kid has no job, no place to live, smokes pot, basically I really don't know what he does other than seems to roam from place to place being a hobo...this new BF my daughter knew through the last one, so that's how she met him. He kind of helped her get back here at home, they are hanging out etc., graduation comes, it's wonderful...all the while she knows we are moving to TX...fly her out there to show her just how great the opportunities are...and the biggest reason for benefiting coming with would be for school...a future...support...well, now we got the word that we are definitely going, and of course she wants to stay behind here in NM. She is 18 now. I know I cannot force her. But she has no job, no financial means, no where to live that I could think of (since new BF is essentially homeless) and well, I gave her a choice. She comes with, she can get a job, we'll cover all expenses, she has a nice home, she can get on her feet before establishing residency and thinking about what she may want to do with her education...or choose to stay behind and she fends for herself. That's it. We now have maybe 2-4 weeks before we are gone....I have wanted to sit down with her and present her with what she is facing staying behind or coming with us. She has not wanted to have the conversation. Now that I have to get our affairs in order to leave, I have felt like I am forced now to make these changes with car insurance, health insurance, etc., where she is on her own...the car she has is in my name, I have told her she needs to either come up with the cash to transfer title, or it's up for sale (as it is now). I don't have time to wait...but I know the reason why...it's the new BF. So, in giving her a deadline then to figure out her housing, a job, etc., and by July 10th, am I being harsh? She knew the deal, and she's being really crappy about it and I believe expects that we will give her money to get by. Please some advice? Just very scared...we're leaving the STATE and she will be ALONE. I thought I was a mess before...

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I think you should just leave her behind. And if she shows true interest, you could buy her a ticket to fly there. It could take leaving to scare her straight.

Jennifer - posted on 06/27/2013

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your not being mean with the deadline. You did all you really could. I would try talking too her one more time and make sure she fully grasps the situation. I mean shes 18 its her choice.

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