19 year old daughter living at home...need advice!#-con't.

Lisa - posted on 02/28/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Sorry. I accidentally hit the "post" button before I finished. Please bear with me. Picking up where I left off...I mentioned the curfew and her disrespect for that and her unwillingness to help around the house or with my parents. I am only one women. I can only do do much. One of the things I also mentioned was the fact that she is only 19 and going out drinking and partying til all hours of the night. I'm so scared that something's going to happen to her, even though she promises they never drive around and they always have a DD. But no matter what I try, she doesn't listen. Not to mention the fact that she's underage. Another thing that worries me, or should I say SCARES me, is how she acts when I tell her no. She screams and curses at me and constantly threatens to leave and never speak to me or my family again. But that's not the worst of it. She will sit, look me in the eye, and glare at me... and it's a VERY scary glare! She has no respect for my parents, who are very religious people, and refuses to stop using the "f" when she's screaming and cursing at me. It upsets me to hear my child use that language! She has no job and is not in school (she promises almost every day to do both), sleeps until noon or 1-2 o'clock every day (unless it suits her purpose to get out of the bed sooner).
One last thing I should mention about her constant threats to leave. In 2005, I was falsely accused of a pretty bad crime which resulted in me losing my children for a time. That is the worst pain a parent can endure! So is being falsely accused of a crime you didn't commit. That's a pain I would never wish on my worst enemy. Unfortunately, I turned to prescription pain killers to "try" to escape the excruciating pain of losing them (such a cliche`). The result of that was that I wasn't able to get my children back (I also have a 10 year old son) for a much longer time, which I actually did deserve. I went to rehab and am now a very proud recovering addict with 6 years of sobriety. My daughter knows how bad the whole situation hurt (actually it almost destroyed me) and that is the reason she constantly threatens to leave and never speak to me again. That truly breaks my heart!

I desperately need advice!! I've tried absolutely everything I know to do and nothing helps. It only seems to make her more angry, hateful and threatening towards me. She refuses to get back on her meds that she DESPERATELY needs. If ANYONE could give me any advice or point me in the right direction, I would be so very grateful! Thank you so much for reading my novel of a post. Lol.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/07/2014

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She's an adult, and you can't force her to do anything. However, you CAN tell her that if she's not abiding by the contract that you have with her for living at home after graduation (you DID write a contract with her, correct?), she can leave on a specific date.

If you DID NOT write a contract, or come to some sort of agreement about her responsibilities to the household as an adult, then you need to check the laws in your area, but an adult who wishes to live in your home should be contributing to expenses, mortgage, etc, and should be abiding by a code of conduct.

If she doesn't like it, too bad...welcome to adulthood, honey.

Write up a contract. Give it to her. Tell her that if she doesn't agree, she's got 2 weeks to be completely packed and out on her own.

Kimberly - posted on 03/02/2014

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Lisa, as I told you the other day Linda Stevesson is a deranged woman. Dont read her posts and don't acknowledge her.SHE IS NUTS!!!!

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