19 year old pregnant and ruining her life.

Amelia - posted on 12/28/2017 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 19 year old has changed after graduating high school. She started smoking pot and hanging with some losers. She had a good job but lost it who knows the real reason why. We bought her a car to get back and forth to work and for college and she has tore it up. A few months ago she met a younger bad boy loser boyfriend and ends up running off to be with him and we find out she's pregnant. He lives in a bad neighborhood with his family and has started having kids at 15 he's already got 2 and he's under 18 plus my preg. daughter. Nobody over there is working, there are family members of his that are potheads and violent. But she swears she loves him and they're going to get a place together. He likes to fight and we are worried he might hit or control her. It has all been a nightmare especially since we found out she is pregnant by him. She didn't want to keep it but he talked her into it. Nobody can get through to her to get on the right path or come home go to college or get a job. It's like she does not realize how hard it's going to be as a young mom (I was a young single mom). I have been a good parent and so has my husband she has had a good life with loving friends and family and now she doesn't even come around or talk to anyone.She is such a beautiful kind girl with dreams of being a nurse. But we have worried ourselves sick over her they don't even have food over there it's run down but she chooses to be over there.Please help.


Tracey - posted on 12/29/2017




Best you can do is let her go at it..learn the hard way.
.but if you give them money she won't have a reason to come home..you must do tough love now for her sake..
Be unavailable sometimes..if you're paying her cell phone so she can keep in touch ..please don't...stop being abused...my son is in college he disrespects me and now physically abuses me..today in fact..shutting down all joint accounts..nothing I can do about the car its in my name..but I'm shutting down the phone and I'm cutting all financial assistance unless its college related..God forgive me..but I want to be happy and I'm not letting this manipulative spoiled jerk destroy my happiness for another day


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Lisa - posted on 02/08/2018




Please google search DR Joe Carver and read his articles on what to do when your daughter is dating a loser, its actually recommended not to cut her off and continue to be there for her, if you cut her off then she will feel like the controlling boyfriend and his family is all she has for support which is what the boyfriend wants , its also important not to insult the boyfriend or their relationship as this will push her to be closer to him, so be there for her and continue being supportive and if its a bad relationship she will likely want to come home before long but you need to let her make her own choices here, I feel for you though my 2nd daughter ran away at 18 to be with her controlling boyfriend and got pregnant and pushed us and her friends away and now less then a year later she is pregnant again, we are not allowed any time with her or with our grand baby unless I am dropping off money thats the only time I get with her and her reply when we tell her it bothers us is just " I'm sorry" no explanation or anything. But we feel like its the boyfriend manipulating her not to come around us because there was a time when she wanted to come home and he would not let her, she told us he threw a tantrum like a little boy and for whatever reason she felt like she needed to stay with him after that I guess in fear for what would happen if she leaves. so its difficult but were trying to remain strong and be here if she ever needs us.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2017




Tracey has the gist of it all. Also consider her age--she is a legal adult at 18 and she is now 19 years old. You have raised her with the tools you thought important to survive in the larger world outside the home. She has made these choices of her own free will and has to learn from them. Giving her money, cars, and so forth only enable her to not want to see things for what they are and to continue on this road because she can and she does not have to make a choice other than that. No amount of pleading, crying, begging is going to get her to change. She has to want to change herself and make the efforts to do that on her own. I am sorry that this is not what you want to hear but it is that plain and simple--tough love, let her learn the hard way, and hope and pray that when the baby comes she will wake up or she will find herself having to deal with things if the baby is not taken proper care of. AS for the boyfriend, if he is as violent and controlling as you say, she may be afraid to leave him. You might offer her the phone number to a woman's shelter so she can get out of this and get the help she needs---but remember it is up to her to make that choice...not you.

Just let her know that you are there for her and will be there if she ever needs you and most important than anything that you love her.

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