2 TEEN GIRLS.....:.HELP !!!!!!!

Alicia - posted on 09/27/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Ok, here it goes, I have 2 teenage daughters 13 & 15, I have taken their phones away, that was for several different reasons, 1st time they had back-talked w/phone in hand, then it led to other things ie, misuse of the Internet, talking & textin @ night, ( they've not had them for close to 2 years now) & I've also taken their I-pods, computers, & now they basically do nothing. . However 1 of them happens 2 be in SPORTS, so she gets what seems to be more freedom than my other daughter.
They've done chores w/ me since they've been knee-high 2 a grasshopper, & they both get AMAZING GRADES. They are actually great girls and have never been in any kind of trouble.
I hate it that both of them seem 2 not have a social life and they make comments that I do want them 2 have 1.
I keep telling them once they've done their chores w/o being told for a certain period of time, that they will get ALOT of their priveledges back, & more, (not the cell phones) like going places w/ friends, having friends over, having supervised time on the Internet. As a family we've been considering turning our HUGE FAMILY ROOM into a game room for the girls. This way their friends would be able to have a safe place 2 be w/ their buddies and we'd be to rest our minds knowing that our girls and everyone ARE SAFE AND HAPPY.
They want this. However they cannot seem to do their minimal chores for 2 weeks so that we can MOVE ON...... I want my girls to have a life ! PLEASE HELP ME !
AM I BEING TOO HARD ON THEM ???
They are STUBBORN & I use to give in ALOT !




Ok, Steph, I saw that your post is a few years old but I hope you see this and can HELP ME.
Ok, here it goes, I have 2 teenage daughters 13 & 15, I have taken their phones away, that was for several different reasons, 1st time they had back-talked w/phone in hand, then it led to other things ie, misuse of the Internet, talking & textin @ night, ( they've not had them for close to 2 years now) & I've also taken their I-pods, computers, & now they basically do nothing. However 1 if them happens 2 be in SPORTS, so she gets what seems to be more freedom than my other daughter.

They've done chores w/ me since they've been knee-high 2 a grasshopper, & they both get AMAZING GRADES. They are actually great girls and have never been in any kind of trouble.

I hate it that both of them seem 2 not have a social life and they make comments that I do want them 2 have 1.

I keep telling them once they've done their chores w/o being told for a certain period of time, that they will get ALOT of their priveledges back, (not the cell phones) like going places w/ friends, having friends over, having supervised time on the Internet. As a family we've even really been considering turning our HUGE FAMILY ROOM into a game room for the girls. This way their friends would be able to have a safe place 2 be w/ their buddies and we'd be to rest our minds knowing that our girls and everyone ARE SAFE AND HAPPY.

They want this. However they cannot seem to do their minimal chores for 2 weeks so that we can MOVE ON...... I want my girls to have a life !!!!! PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!

AM I BEING TOO HARD ON THEM ???

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[deleted account]

Hi Alicia,

I have an 18 year old girl. I have been through the phase of back talk and drama. I do not wish it on anyone. So glad those days are over!!
Just a suggestion. Maybe if you start setting up that Family Room into a game room NOW...the girls would see it as motivation to do their chores & treat you w/h respect!
Sometimes people ... both Adults & Children work better with the anticipation of reward rather than punishment. Since the girls grades are not a problem they are great girls and have never been in any trouble...why NOT try "reward" versus "rebuke?" When I say "reward"...I mean they do NOT get to USE the family room UNTIL they shape up!
If the girls see the family room being transformed, they may get excited and it could very well MOTIVATE them to do BETTER.
Right now, they hear you making promises. They see no action. Nothing tangible. It is almost a "stand off" on who will act first. It is true, YOU are the adult they are the children....however, they will fast be young adults. 13 & 15 are plenty old enough to recognize the value in equal respect. On their part. And yours.
That just seems so much better than saying "because I say so!" My Daughter's Dad used to do that. I never agreed with it. I am not advocating smart mouth/back talking...however, I DO believe our teens need to "find their voice" while they are in a safe place & learn from us. Because once they are adults and in a job or college they may speak out inappropriately...simply because they never had the chance at home to voice their opinions. See?
Just my opinion...but setting up that family room NOW and "dangling that carrot" so to speak, may very well work!
Best of luck to you :o)

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[deleted account]

You have taken everything away. My goodness, with these teen girls the cell phone is their "life line!" LOL
As for adding anything. No. Not until they straighten up. Just think seeing something tangible such as the game room coming together may help. But before you go to the expense of the game room...sit the girls down and get their input. At their ages...they may be so excited they will be motivated to actually help!
Just a suggestion & I wish you well! :o)

Alicia - posted on 09/28/2013

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Sandra, thanks for your input, we will DEFINATELY give this some thought, I sure need a new approach........

So you wouldn't take anything else away ?

Or, add anything ...... ??????

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