20 year old daughter making poor choices but decent grades what to do

SC - posted on 07/27/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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since starting college 2 years ago our previously "good" daughter has been found in bed in the morning obviously on some drugs/alcohol which she would not admit to taking on purpose (last summer when she was 19, we took car away for anything but going to work for rest of summer, gotten her nipple pierced, tried to get us to let her take her car on a trip that we deemed too far away by lying about where she was actually going to go (we did not let her go), is sleeping with 2 different guys (friends with benefits), comes home at all hours, runs out of gas while coming home at 5:30 am and calls us to come and bring gas.....when we got there the car is sitting in the middle of the intersection with her car door open (5:30 am), at school she is out on foot in the city at all hours...
On the good side she is going to be a junior in college 3 hours away. Has maintained (just barely) a B average that is needed to keep her state scholarship, works as a Resident Assistant in the dorms at college so she can get a housing discount in a very expensive city, works nights (at home) as a servers assistant at a white table cloth restaurant over the summer and on school breaks.

We are so worried that she is putting herself in dangerous situations on so many levels. Do we just share our concerns with her and pray that she settles down before some horrible thing happens - this is what we have done and I honestly look forward to her going back to school but at the same time dreading it since I know she will only continue to take risks that could put her life in danger.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2016

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actaully, by picking her irresponsible ass up at 5 am...you are NOT showing her consequences, but whatever.

SC - posted on 07/28/2016

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If it had been during the day we would have let her walk but I would not let her walk home, in the dark, at 5 in the morning.

We have kept out of it and let her experience the consequences of her choices - my concern is with the really dangerous actions that could put her in a position to get raped, abducted or murdered. But I do realize that I cannot keep her safe from the world we live in now that she is an adult.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/27/2016

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She is an adult, and as such, does get to make life choices. You are not going to like all of them, but the one thing you must understand is that we had to learn just like she is.

She is still in school, and if she's got a b average, she is doing well.

Be there for support if she needs you, but let her fly or fall. That's how we all learn.

I, personally would start letting her see some of the consequences of her actions. Walking home when she runs out of gas at 5am would be a good start.

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