Abuse of Pot has affected 18 year old- ADVICE NEEDED FROM FORMER USERS or moms in same situation

Myfourboys - posted on 07/13/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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18 year old son was arrested for possession of marijuana. This is the latest episode in a long, long senior year of high school. He was expelled from private school a few months before graduation (pot related), have caught him high many times, caught him dealing pot (looked at phone texts), kicked off his sports team (pot related), lost good friends, totaled a new car(he was unharmed) and more. I am heartbroken. He has so many opportunities in life but pot has taken over. He swears he's changed and wants to go away to college. I want to give him the same opportunities as his older brothers but am afraid he will make the wrong choices. Do I let him go? Are there any former pot users who can advise me what the best way to discourage him from pot use is?

***DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE DANGERS AND PYSCHOLOGICAL ADDICTION THAT POT HAS. Everybody uses- bull .... Everybody doesnt use. Thats just an excuse to justify the behaviour or enable our kids.

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Keep your son local ... At least during his first year of college. He can always transfer out of state later. I know firsthand what you are going through.

We have 3 boys and 1 daughter. All given same opportunities of college, their own apartment, all expenses paid and did Not have to work during college. All that was required was to go to school and graduate. Well, the oldest did just that. He has his masters, works full time and is now completely self sufficient.

His 2 younger brothers are 24 and 22. The 24 year old was expelled from college his sophomore year. He "graduated" from marijuana use to OxyContin and then to heroin. Using and dealing. Refused to get a job and so we cut off the money and tried the tough love route. He stole his grandmothers checkbook and recently was released from jail with a felony. We refuse to let him live with us as we still have our daughter who is a senior in high school. (Who works 2 part-time jobs & NO drugs! She doesn't want to end up like the old brother). Also..... He harasses us everyday for money and help.

The 22 year old boy is fast following the same path as his brother. He is a senior in college, on academic suspension, smoke pot and does ???? Refuses to get job. We have attempted to put him in rehab. He checked himself out within 2 days. We were told he is an "adult" and has that right. Meaning, our hands are tied. He ismon his 4th car in 4 years...from an assortment of accidents. It is extremely exhausting.

Bottom line, my advice to you...do not let your son "guilt" you into sending him away to college be ause his brothers got to go. Your son needs to be kept close and IF he has TRULY changed he can prove that by being GRATEFUL you are helping him with his education and by doing well at a LOCAL school his freshman year.

Do not cave in or let him guilt you. We have done this for years. It is called "enabling" learn from OUR mistakes. If he wants to live on campus then go ahead & try it....SECOND semester.

Good luck to you...because I KNOW it is hard! :o(

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Myfourboys - posted on 07/13/2013

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Thank you for the response. I am so sad and confused and question what I did wrong. I think we gave him TOO much and didnt hold him accountable. For that I feel guilty. We were/are involved parents but he didnt have to do too much for himself, ie; no chores, no job, bought him a car, we pay all expenses. We just expected good grades in high school- and even that was a roller coaster because of the pot smoking. Again, anybody out there who can tell me how to get him to see the evils of pot? He has to go to a drug program as part of the arrest/plea bargaining. I dont think he takes this seriously. He believes he will come out of this okay and that the past is the past. I dont believe him.
There has been too many damaging things that have happened this year.

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