Adult daughter acts like an asshole

Rachel - posted on 09/25/2018 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So here we are, a few years later. I had taken some of the advice given in regards to my post a few years back. What I've come to realize is that my daughter needs counseling, medication for depression, and a serious ass kicking.

The boyfriend from her teen years is now back in her life. And just like that, she immediately turns against me. He is like a poisonous rat. Prior to this, my daughter lived with a different boyfriend when she was 18. She decided she had it all figured out, and moved out with a very nice young man. She abused him, cheated on him, quit her job and made him pay for rent, her braces, etc. When he decided to cut ties with her, she was devastated. Of course, being her mom , I felt bad for her and was there for her through her pain. My husband and I let her stay with us for awhile, and figure things out. I gave her an ultimatum, however - in three months time, she had to have a full time job, pay us rent, and help around the house. Of course that didn't happen - so when I let her know it was time to move out, as she hadn't fulfilled her end of our agreement, suddenly I was an awful parent. She then proceeded to meet random guys on Tinder, have unprotected sex, and now has Herpes. The amount of ways in which I felt like I was a shitty mom was overwhelming. Why is she like this? What did I do for her to turn out this way? My husband and I provided a stable home her entire life, always had a nice place to live, a happy environment... but if her other siblings got attention, we were in the wrong. Recently, my husbands grandparents passed away and left him a sum of money. His daughter from a previous marriage had a car handed down to her that was near exploding every time she accelerated. So, he bought her a used car. My daughter, the one I am talking about, went berserk. She had a very nice, well maintained vehicle given to her by her grandparents. She couldn't see through her jealous rage why her sister got a car from us. She called me, said I was horrible and that I shouldn't choose non-blood over blood. She said so many more awful things to me. I asked her if she felt it was ok for her sister to be driving a car that was completely unsafe. She refused to answer. Instead, continued to belittle me as a mother, and that SHE was MY daughter, and deserved things before my stepdaughter. Mind you, we just helped her out with an expensive new phone because hers broke, let her borrow money for gas and food, but apparently we don't care enough because she didn't get the most expensive material things first.

I hate saying this - but she makes me sad to think of who she has become. We've always been fair with all three of our children... always have given them individual attention, etc. My daughter had wanted to pursue a singing career, and my husband and I supported her with buying music equipment, paid for lessons, bought clothes for live performances, not to mention all the time of driving around to shows and such, all because I wanted to support her. We spent thousands of dollars on her. What did she do? Dump on it, and quit with no explanation, nothing. Then was quick to say how we never did anything for her.

The stress she causes me is unbearable. I can't take it anymore. I feel horrible, but I am out of options. Obviously what I've written here is only the tip of the iceberg. Has anyone else experienced similar issues? I feel alone with all of this, and have been in tears as I write this.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2018

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You need to step away from her and let her know that when she is willing to treat you with respect then you will resume contact.
She needs some tough love and unfortunately, they need to fall on their ass for them to realize they are in the wrong.
You need to stop paying for things and "helping her out". She is an adult and that's now her responsibility.
Treat her like the toddler she is behaving like and ignore her tantrums. Don't give in to her demands and her trying to guilt you. You don't have to give her a reason for your actions, she doesn't need to know.

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