Advice for me and my teenage daughters!

Tami - posted on 11/26/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have a 15 year old daughter who runs away from home a lot in the last few months now! I have placed Missing Persons reports on her numerous times, and as of late, the police will not take another report because she continues to do this. I don't know what to do! I can't keep her locked in the house, yet, she feels that she can do as she pleases. We recently moved to the Phoenix area when all this began. We were so tight and close but now walls, it seems, are beginning to build up as a result of her actions. Her older sister, 18 years, had done this same thing when she was 15 as well. As a result of that conflict, she chose to live with my mother and sister, who have tried for years to take my chldren from me because they think that I am psycho. They won with the courts with my oldest because of her wishes. Mt oldest daughter and my relationship is very rocky now. Even at 18, she still blames me for all the things that went wrong in her life. I do not trust my mother and sister even though they state they will never take me to court again. My youngest, 15, saw all of this occuring and has been without her older sister for years. She is lonely, I understand, and wants to visit my sister and mother, and her sister for christmas. My concern is that she won't come home. I want what is best for my daughter, but I also don't want to live without my children either. I fear losing her as I have lost my oldest daughter to a family whose only motive is to take from me, hurt me, and then get child support from me and their father. I am divorced to the girls father. He hasn't played much of a role in their lives for most of it. I have been a single mother raising both of these girls since my oldest was 5. I have given up a lot for these girls, hence, that is what a mother's love does, but I don't know what to do if I should lose another child to a family who badmouths me at any chance they see fit. At the same time, I don't want these years to haunt me as they do with my oldest thinking that I have tried to keep my children from knowing their grandmother and aunt. I am frightened. I love my kids. I have and will do anything for them, but they have little respect for me. I don't believe in hitting them, therefore, I refrain from abuse of any kind. I will admit that they both do not hold me in high regard as they should and at the slightest chance, I know that my oldest will turn on me in a second. My youngest daughter though has been very loyal up to this point. She now tells me that she feels isolated and needs to take a break from me. And in doing so, she leaves. What do I do? Also, I am totally against drugs and alcohol, and now, I am seeing that since my youngest hung out with her older sister a few months back, they got stoned and drunk together. My oldest lives 800 miles away, and since we came back home to phoenix, my younger daughter has been acting out- drinking and getting stoned with taking off as she pleases and not following the rules. A residential treatment short term is optional but undesirable. Now, she looks forward to the visit to her sister and my mother and sister, but I fear that I won't be bringing her back home from the visit. HELP!

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Kelci - posted on 11/27/2012

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If the drinking and drugs were not present at your moms I would say it is better for your daughter to have a roof over her head than for you to on and off have your daughter with you. Put her in treatment! She needs to talk to a stranger about all the distinction. She needs to start planning her future. My number one priority, if I were you, would be to get her in a situation that she will mot take off for the streets. That is more important than her living with you. I know, easy for me to say. But 3 years she will be out legally. Sometimes love is unkind and unfair, but if she gets a good future, she will be back in your life with a different attitude toward you. Do you do anything for you, yourself? You need to. I have a 18 year old that says she hates me, says I am ugly, fat. It hurts me so much, but I realize when she became mean to me, that I was doing everything to benefit her, and somehow, that is bad.

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