Any ideas on how to draw out a passive-aggressive son?

T - posted on 06/02/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My son lived with my ex-husband since he was 3. I failed him a lot as he was growing up. My ex is a workaholic and not emotionally nurturing. Their step-mother wasn't able to bond with this son. I'm not all sure what happened, although I know there wasn't physical abuse. He seemed to be happy as a child, but around 12 withdrew from everyone and became VERY passive/aggressive. He exhibits every single symptom of it. He showed up on my door step the first week of April 2013 and I've only been able to get him to talk to me twice for more than one or two sentences. It made him angry then. I know he has anger against me because of my absences in his life. We both know things will never be as they should have been, but I want to help him. He says he doesn't care about his life. He procrastinates, is irresponsible and is completely shut down emotionally. He sees a psychiatrist once a month, but I think he needs more than that. In the meantime, I'm at a loss as to how to get him to know he can trust me; that I won't fail him like I did when he was little. I've let him spend his time on the computer (hours a day) because otherwise he just gets angry. He says the only enjoyment he gets in life is playing on the computer. I've considered getting rid of it, but I need it myself. I just need some practical ideas on how to help him.

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Lakota - posted on 06/06/2013

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I think you are right. He needs counseling more than once a month. The trust thing will take time. Spend time with him, be affectionate, praise him, go out of the house and do things with him - bowling, movies, swimming, etc. If he doesn't want to go, have him go any way. He likes other things. It's just that he has gotten used to being ignored and playing on the computer is his way to stay invisible and keep his mind from thinking about things - his comfort zone. Keep at it.

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