at my whitts end

Jenny - posted on 01/31/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My almost 15 year old tells me he hates me. Calls me names sometimes. He seems so angry. What can I do to help? I am at my whitts end.

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Cecilia - posted on 01/31/2013

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First. He is a teenager. They do this. Realize that. The teenager is the toddler grown up. Ever see a toddler walk away purposely from the parents only to run back and hide behind the legs? That's what a teenager does. they want that space to walk away but then want to know that your "legs" are there to hide behind and be there for them. It's about finding the balance to allow both those needs.

Second, when he says things like he hates you, keep calm. Calmly explain that saying things like that hurts your feelings because you love him so much. Ask him why he says these things. If he says because he's angry, tell him to yell he's angry at you instead. If he says it's because he does, then say you don't believe that and that you love him.

Teenagers are in the stage of separating from parents and finding their own identity. If you try to stop this process, you might get lashed out on. Mind you i'm not saying let him run free and do what he likes. Allow things that you know won't damage him in the long run. Allow him to wear clothes you HATE. Allow him to listen to music you find appalling. Allowing some friends that you might not like but overall aren't bad people. Find some middle ground with him. Talk to him about why you make certain choices.

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