At what age do u think teenagers should have sex..??

151 Comments

View replies by

Jennifer - posted on 01/11/2012

2

11

0

I don't think teenagers should be having sex at all, way too young & immature. Unless you plan on spending the rest of your life with that person and wouldn't mind them being the mother/father of your child, then you shouldn't be sleeping with them. and that goes for any age.

Karla - posted on 01/07/2012

1,555

48

99

Janet,
I actually think that is a critical point that you made. Even though as parents we would like our children to wait and have sex at a mature (and more rational) age, we still have the responsibility to inform them, and be open to discussions for birth control needs, and to love them.

Janet - posted on 01/07/2012

33

0

0

I think in a perfect world our teens wouldn't have sex until they were much older or married but I know I didn't wait that long and I have no regrets. My daughter started younger than I had hoped but she is in a very stable and committed relationship. I am proud of her for coming to me and discussing it and not lying and sneaking around to do it. It's a choice that she has made earlier than I had hoped but I still love her and support her nonetheless.

Karla - posted on 01/05/2012

1,555

48

99

I don’t really like the wording of the question, “At what age do you think teenagers should have sex?” There is no “should have it” with sex, it’s personal, and depends on your relationship.

I personally don’t think teens should have sex. I don’t think they are mature enough to make the decisions involved with having sex. I also believe our culture minimized the emotional aspects of having sex; it’s a much deeper emotional experience than is portrayed in the media.

About teen maturity, I once heard it put this way: Think about how much you have matured in the last year (say from the age of 14 to 15) and know that’s how much more you will mature in the next year, and the year after that. More recent studies show that full maturity is not reached until age 20 or so; which of course is crucial to making informed and logical decisions.

I believe someone having sex at an early age is due more toward the need to feel loved, than to an informed decision.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/05/2012

13,264

21

2015

@ bryanna: No assumption that this poster lied about age, they admitted (2nd response in ) that they were 14 and had sex.

They asked for an opinion, and I gave that opinion. In the very same manner that I would voice the same opinion to my own kids, should the question come up.

Actually, it DID come up, and I DID respond exactly that way, and they DID NOT have sex, understanding that they could not provide for the possible results of that action, and that an abortion would not be allowed.

So, before you call someone judgmental and rude, read everything. I responded to the posts as written. I'm a blunt person. I don't beat around the bush, and I don't sugar coat anything. Life is tough. The sooner our kids know that, and can handle it, the better.

Janet - posted on 01/05/2012

33

0

0

I don't think there is any certain age but it all depends on how mature the teen is. As mom's I don't think any of us think our teens are ready to have sex but it does happen. My daughter is 15 and became sexually active last summer. Was I happy about it? No but I have accepted it and she is on birth control and they do use condoms every time. Once they start we cannot stop them but we can guide them and support them and do everything possible to teach them about safe sex.

Jen - posted on 01/04/2012

79

17

0

People swear and kill others in hollywood movies and tv shows too...that doesn't mean its right and you should copy them.

Its not a good argument to use when justifying having sex at 14.

I can tell you right now; if you get pregnant, as the girl, you can't walk away from that. Your the one pregnant. You have to deal with it.

You'll have the baby that needs to be taken care of.

Where's the guy in this? If he's the same age as you, he's 14 year's old and having the you-know-what scared out of him because he got your pregnant.

He can walk away, he does not need to take responsibility at all for this baby. At least he may think he doesn't need too.

At 14, are you capable of making a good legal fight for him to uphold his responsibility?

Do you know how much a baby kills your social life?

You say you don't have a life unless your having sex. BS.

You won't have a life if your a teen mom.

I can't tell you to stop having sex...but take the advice from me and other moms out there....and be safe about it.

Look up what kind of STD's you can get from sex..that can ruin your life....

Look into protecting yourself at least and getting some birth control....trust me ...a baby will force you to hvae adult responsibilities a lot sooner then your ready for them. Good bye to your teenager life then!

Take it as advice, I'm not trying to get after you or yell at you. I'm offering advice.

Remy - posted on 01/04/2012

24

11

2

trish what is the right parentimg? I take offense cause I raised my kids to save themselves and kept an open line of communication and instilled wholesome values...so what did my parenting do to encourage teenage sex? U r wrong in so many ways and self righteous people or judgemental people get on my nerves. Yes u hit a spot!
Sometimes the influences around your children outweigh what they KNOW is right or wrong, but maybe you are on to something...instaed of passin judgement, tell us WHAT IS THE RIGHT PARENTING? Spell it out,

Mitzi - posted on 01/04/2012

8

69

0

Not until they are old enough to handle the responsiblity of child care, and raising a child on their own terms. So as parents we need to have them in good healthy relationships to grow and enjoy life without finding themselves struggling with their own families. Encourage your children to group date, find fun activities in a group setting, know who their friends are, never allow them to go where you don't know the parents or can't contact them. Be constantly praying for them and their friends. Be the parent not a friend, right now they are looking for your guidance not your friendship.

Daphne - posted on 01/03/2012

9

44

3

I wish teenagers would wait for marriage but sadly most do not. now days there are so many STDs around and kids seem to have the thoughts that it wont happen to them. If they get pregnant n the teen years who cares for the baby? It also does change your thoughts as far as having sex with others. I also feel that anal sex and oral sex is still sex. I have talked tomany kids who start having sex at 13. I have asked them if they can name all their partners for sex and even for oral sex and some can not name them all. That breaks my heart. Your body is a temple not a trash heap. Believe me that sex will be better when you are older and can handle all the consequences of having sex. Oh and having sex and making love are tow different things, teens need to wait to be able to make love and not just be having sex.

Trish - posted on 01/03/2012

34

0

0

Why is a 14 year old on here?.....But My son and his longtime girlfriend are both virgins still and there almost 17 so it can be done with the right parenting.

Jackie - posted on 01/03/2012

267

43

31

@Roseanne,
I reread my post and never in there did i say she was a bad person or pass any judgement so why dont you chill it down ok Miss Defensive? Statistically speaking, the younger you start having sex it does increase the likelihood you will have accrued more partners than someone who waited until later in life. That is what my daughter was told by a medical professional and there have been studies done to prove it, that being said, not everyone can be included in a statistic there are exceptions. My sexual history is irrelevant and so is yours for that matter. And I would hope as well if you have a daughter that she doesnt come here for advice if i were you i would hope she come to me first. And fyi, mine did.

Nelly - posted on 01/02/2012

290

2

17

We hope that our children will wait until marriage thats the values we have taught them at the same time i hope theey wont let peer pressure influence them

Shanekia - posted on 12/31/2011

2

21

0

I have two teenage daughters and I pray that they don't have sex until they are finish with school I had my first daughter at 17 I know how hard it is to go to school and work I would advise anyone 18 and younger to wait and focus on education

Katherine - posted on 12/29/2011

440

0

33

Kathy,
If you were to get pregnant who would raise it?
Who would support the pregnancy and the baby financially- Just to remind you , you are underage,
Not old enough for a full time job, not old enough to sign up for welfare
not old enough to go to a Dr's appointment with out moms consent not old enough to drive to get diapers when the baby needs diapers.
decisions- whatever will you do.
oh right rely on your parents and the state- ( hard working americans already struggling because times are hard.) Sorry I dont want to pay for your monthly check or medicaid because you chooe to be irresponsible. I have my own kids to raise and care for. I was responsible and waited til I was married to start having a famly or to even have sex. Educate yourself before going out there and spreading your legs. becuase its not just you supporting that baby.

Katherine - posted on 12/29/2011

440

0

33

i dont feel she was in the wrong Shawnn was only sayig what needed to be said to that "child" having sex.

Rdhtina - posted on 12/29/2011

26

1

2

Having sex with someone will link you emotionally to them, there is actually a chemical change in the brain. I believe a wise creator designed us that way. So unless you are mature enough to choose someone for life, why put yourself through that. Emotionally it can be very scarring if you don't save it for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is only one reason, but for me the most profound.

Remy - posted on 12/29/2011

24

11

2

Kathy...my post was not to judge you...but to answer a question...I only gave my opinion. Yes there a re so many influences now days that teens dont know if they are coming or going, but if you love yourself, it will be easier to not allow yourself to be used and abused. This love I speak of come sthrough knowing who you are in Christ. It is not an easy road, or all sunshine and roses but in the end it can be alot healthier than doin what everybody else is. If you cannot talk to your mom, talk to God. We can all give you advice and our opinions, but what we think and feel is nothing compared to the love and forgiveness of Christ. We all make mistakes and have done things that we wish we can change, but some things cant be undone...However, there is a man named Jesus that has come to heal the broken hearted and all you have to do is accept Him into your heart and begin the process of loving yourself enough to know YOU ARE LOVED, if by no one else, by God. Once you give all your burdens , issues, and past sins to Him, you can be renewed through your faith in Him and your past can simply be your past. Forgive yourself and move on, learn from your mistakes and TRY not to repeat them. Life is hard, without Him it is impossible to make it...but He is a forgiving God and HE LOVES YOU. So stop beating yourself up and looking for validation from other mothers. Your mother must love you or she wouldnt care what you do with your body. She praobably wants what is best for you...Thats just how we are...wether or not she was successful in holding on to her virginity or not, for her baby girl to have the most wonderful experiences in life is most likely her dream, not for you to begin a series of bad decision making and ruin or impede the progress of you life....try listening to her advice, TRY to do what you KNOW is right...in moments of temptation or sin God gives us a way of escape, we just have to make the "choice" to take His hand or turn away. Either way He will forgive us, the hardest part is forgiving ourselves.
My opinion is the same...never should a child do grown up things. As mothers we cannot protect you guys if you wont listen to us...Sex will be there when you grow up, try to not continue in that path. Its hard because once we have a taste of the forbidden fruit we want more..I understand, its called being human...But give yourself a chance to enjoy being a child, because with grown up acts comes grown up resposibilities, honey.....im sure you are not a bad person, and you obviously dont feel good about the decision you made, and I know you needed some one to make you feel like there was nothing wrong with it, but that is not what you need. You need people to keep it real and tell you the truth. I have a feeling your mom thinks you are too young, she is right and any one that tells you other wise does not have your best interest at heart. I wish i could give you a hug...forgive yourself, make a decision to not give in again, pray to God for strength and wisdom, tell your mom you are sorry and get that hug you need...shes probably scared that you wont be her little girl anymore. Being a mom is hard when your little girls start to grow up and make their own decisions. Focus on school and havin fun with friends, boys will always be around and you dont want the ones that press you anyway, those will not be the ones that will stick around. Teenage boys lie (even men) to get what they want, they tell all the girls the same thing...dare to be different, love yourself

Tobie - posted on 12/28/2011

21

1

0

Kathy, if I were you, I would do my best to not have sex again until you AT LEAST graduate from high school! You will have too many other worries to deal with without having to worry about STDs or pregnancy. Concentrate on your school and being a KID! You will have plenty of time for sex and boys after you graduate.

What age is it ok for teens to have sex? In my opinion, 18. I was 15 when I first had sex...I wish I had not. I didn't get pregnant...I was really lucky. But at age 15, I wasn't mature enough to handle it.

Good luck, dear!

Kim - posted on 12/28/2011

70

8

0

@Kathy, I do not know the reaon why you decided to have sex but you did and I pray that you weren't forced into doing something against your will. I am a mother of 3 teenage girls and I would be devastated if they told me they had sex at such a young age. However, you must find your self worth. You are worth more than a quick roll in the sack with some random guy. This guy might tell his friends just so they can come after you and hope to score as well. Your body is your sacred temple and once you realize that then you will make better decisions about life. What is the relationship that you have with your parents? If it is a distant one try to repair the relationship.If you are close to your parents then talk to them about sex. Not sure if you should tell them that is up to you to decide but communication is key. I hope and pray that you haven't had sex again. If you can't talk to your parents, please find a trusted adult and talk to them. Like I tell my girls you have your whole life ahead of you to meet that special person, get married and have sex but you only have a small window to be a teen and sex should not be a part of having fun. And if a boy tells you that if you love him then you would have sex with him then tell him that if he loves you he would respect your wishes and wait for you. I wish you all the best.

RoseAnne - posted on 12/28/2011

13

51

1

@ Jacqueline- Just because she had sex at 14 does not mean that by the time she is 30 or so she will have a high number of partners. I was 16 when I had sex the first time (and yes I agree it was too young), but I am now 32 and have only had sex with 3 people. The age you start having sex does not determine how many you have throughout your lifetime. How many sexual partners have you had? You know instead of everyone jumping this girls case, have any of you thought that she might be reaching out to people for help. I really hope that if and when my daughter feels she might need advice from people she doesn't try to get it from here, because all she will get is judgment and put downs.

RoseAnne - posted on 12/28/2011

13

51

1

@ Kathy- I agree with you. There are so many influences in the world and I know those influences are hard to resist, especially as a teen. I do not think what you did was wrong, I just think you were too young. Nobody has a right to judge you for the choices you make, especially me (believe me I have made my share of them) and so has everyone else in the world. I know you have gotten a lot of crap from moms on here, but they do not know what you have gone through and are not walking in your shoes. I do not know you or what your situation is, but I know that if my 14 yr old posted something like this and was trying to get advice from other moms, I would hope that one of those "moms" would give her some good advice, instead of judging her and putting her down. You sound like you already know that for YOU it wasn't the right time, but you can't change that now, all you can do is move forward from it and learn from it. I really do hope things work out for you hun.

Kathy - posted on 12/28/2011

30

0

1

and yes i have benn getting alot of crap from many moms but nobody understands what i mean...

Kathy - posted on 12/28/2011

30

0

1

i think that what teenagers do these days , they do it because they're influenced to..... when u watch a Holywood movie about a bunch of high school teenagers that have sex because if they don't it means they don't have a life ... and teenagers are being influenced by the society and by the ppl they know i think that i have said this earlier "I KNOW THAT WHAT I DID WAS WRONG AND I KNOW WHY BUT I WANTED TO HEAR WHAT U PPL THINK" i hope u understand what i mean ..

Remy - posted on 12/27/2011

24

11

2

the question is what age is it ok for teens to have sex? I agree with never!! ok, it may not happen like that for the majority, but there are some kids taking the less travelled road and waiting. I applaud those teens who have enough respect for themselves and their upbringing to wait. The 14 year old on here saying we dont know the circumstances is not old enoughto make decisions, let alone have sex, no matter wht the situation. If you were forced, it is not having sex it is rape! that would be the only excuse for not still being a virgin. And no matter what age I was or anyone else, it was still wrong if you did not make an informed decision. Kids are growing up too quick, saty a child...sex doesnt make you grown or prove your love for someone, sex complicates things..its out of order for any child or any unmarried adult, being out of order brings unnessecary stressors.
Yes , we need to educate our children. Talk to them, keep those lines of communication open, and explain ALL the reasons why its not ok...not just because "i said so"...it is a proven fact that if you dont teach them the streets will...we cannot protect them 24 / 7, but we can instill in them the honorable way. Yes it is 2011 almost 2012, and times have changed, but the Word has not and it is not right. We cannot control them and some parent dont care and it makes it hard for the ones who do, the influences out here are unbelievable.
I honestly believe, after 6 kids and one grandchild, that sex should be shared with the one you wish to spend your life with...only the one you marry...so whether you are 18 or 25 or 32, you are not ready until then. The consequences of sex are so serious that until you are about 30, the magnitude of can destroy you, alter your life and/ or make you into someone other that you desire to be....

Jackie - posted on 12/27/2011

267

43

31

@ Shawn, I dont think you are being disrespectful at all, I know by reading your previous posts you are very passionate about the subject of teens in general. We cant control what our kids will do, we can only support them and give them information to make the best possible choices and hope they do. But they dont always. 14 is too young. Not saying its morally wrong or whatever. If that is your assumption 14 yr old "Kathy" then you tell us? Do you think it was wrong? I can tell you one thing, from experience, you will regret it. When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you will wish that you had that special gift to give to them and only them. You will wish that you wouldnt have wasted it on someone who was just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of your life, and that will be when you know, you are MATURE. There is nothing you can do about it now, its done, but you can think a little harder about it next time I hope for your sake.Think about the number of sexual partners you will have had by the time your say "30" yrs old? Will it matter to you how high that number will be? And remember having sex with 1 person is like having sex with every person that one person had sex with too and whoever they had sex with and so on, how does that make u feel?

Kim - posted on 12/26/2011

70

8

0

I'm encouraging my teens to wait until they are out of high school then the next step will be t wait until out of college then marriage. However, I'm also talking to them about importance of waiting and finding that special person. I talked to and explained to them that they have their whole life to have sex but only a short time being a teenager. Fortunately, my girls 14, 15, and 16 aren't dating and even into boys. We have an open relationship and the girls no they can come to us for anything. We have explained to them the importance of sex and the conswquences.

RoseAnne - posted on 12/26/2011

13

51

1

@ Kathy- I am not going to say having sex at 14 is wrong, but you guys are still so young. You have so much life ahead of you to live. I was 16 my first time and I got pregnant. I was 17 when I had my daughter and trust me IT WAS HARD. I couldn't do the things I wanted to with my friends because I had to stay home and take care of my daughter. There's not only the pregnancy factor, but there are so many diseases out there that cannot be cured. I have talked with my 14 yr old about having sex, teen pregnancy and STD's. At this point she is still a virgin and I could not be happier, but I know she is eventually going to have sex and I can only hope that she has listened to what we have talked about and she is smart about it, what ever age she is. It's not wrong, but like me, many people feel it's too young. Good luck in life hun and please be safe about your decisions.

Bryanna - posted on 12/24/2011

10

0

1

Shawnn lively I think your being very disrespectful and why in the world would someone lie for why to be put down by someone like you I don't think so it's not wrong you don't know how it happened so you should calm down stop putting people down and tour saying this person is not mature look at you and how you responded to their post not very mature at all

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/19/2011

13,264

21

2015

And, yes, if you are a 14 year old lying to get on this forum, I think that you have WAY more issues than you want to admit. If you truly are 14, you made an EXTREMELY poor choice, and I don't envy you the life you are going to live, by thinking that you know everything, and can make better judgement calls than an adult.

You obviously can't make a good judgement call if you decided to have sex at 14. do you have the slightest idea about how to take care of a kid? What are you going to do to support one, if that's the result? How about an STD? How are you planning on dealing with that?

Until you can answer those questions in a mature, well thought out manner, you are not old enough to have sex.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/19/2011

13,264

21

2015

Never! That being said, you better be proactive. Make sure they have the tools to be safe, both from pregnancy and std's.

Generally, though, if' you're open and honest with your kids, and tell them WHY you don't agree with the idea, they may be receptive. You don't know.

Denikka - posted on 12/19/2011

2,160

5

749

Not necessarily *wrong* per say. The smartest decision you could have made? Probably not. At 14, you aren't mature enough to truly understand the consequences of what can happen.
I don't think even at 30 you can truly understand the consequences until they actually happen. Whether those consequences are a baby, an STD/STI or even if nothing dramatic happens at all. But at least as you get older, you're more prepared to deal with whatever it happens to be.

Kathy - posted on 12/19/2011

30

0

1

i had sex in the summer like 4 month ago and now i am 14 and a half so u think that's wrong?

Denikka - posted on 12/18/2011

2,160

5

749

Never is probably not going to happen XD

I was 15 when I first had sex. I'm going to be encouraging my kids to wait until 16-18 for their first time. I think that's a reasonable age and not out of the realm of possibility.

And, obviously, they will be well informed, from a young age, as to what the dangers and consequences could be be. I'll prepare them as much as possible.

Kay - posted on 12/18/2011

4

48

1

Never? Unless it is a child over 18 & will be responsible for the consequences of what could result.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms