Being a Mom to Teens Is Lonely!

Maria - posted on 10/13/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My teenagers are getting busier and I'm alone more. Single mom whose friends are either married families or single childless girlfriends. Schedules are tough and single moms don't seem to get invited to couple events. Any advice or reassurance? I also hate going to kids events alone. Seems like I'm the only single parent there.

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[deleted account]

I am really suffering from this too. It really hurts. My daughter just turned 18 and is instantly busy ALLLLL the time now, I barely see her.
I have instantly realized that I do NOT have a life without her! Yes, it's hard for us single moms. People do not realize what it's like.
Let me tell you this- and take heed!!!! Prepare yourself socially AHEAD OF TIME before your kids move out.
My kiddo just moved out and I am completely lost! Cry a lot. I should have been preparing for it but I didn't and it's HORRIBLE. Grieving.

Sonya - posted on 10/15/2013

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Grad school would make you busy--maybe you could look into taking a class now to ease the pressure later, and get you into the scholastic mood.

Shy people, no matter how busy the activity, will sit and watch other people and wish for involvement---try to make it goal to speak to one other person--as you sit and watch your girls' game or wait for them at practice...sometimes, talking to another in a mutual 'waiting' zone.

You do have options.

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Mary - posted on 01/18/2014

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I too am experiencing the overwhelming experiece of lonliness and detached feelings of being single Mom to my 16 year old son. I would really appreciate talking with you! I always feel so guilty for nothaving it together financially, or emotionally for him. I miss his father (he died 3 years ago) Maybe we can help each other?

[deleted account]

Maria- I'm just started trying the church thing AND volunteering too. Am not finding it easy for exactly the same reasons as you stated. As I said before, prepare a year or two before they move out. This is not an easy task.

Maria - posted on 10/14/2013

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Thanks ladies. I do have a lot of hobbies. I stay busy to avoid the loneliness. Church or volunteering has been on my mind to get out there and meet new people and have more personal connections. Though I always want to be there for my kiddos when needed. I'm an independent gal and thinker so church is tough for me. I'm also shy initially so it's hard for me to get to know people well. Looks like I have some personal goals to work towards! Also thought about grad school in a few years. Whew!!

Sonya - posted on 10/14/2013

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I've found teenagers require MORE time with their activities than sometimes the toddlers. Their choices are so much more crucial.

Time--I do find more time when they get busier, paradox of what I just said.
Find a hobby. Write. Learn to draw. Do a craft. Go to a class to learn these skills. That will open the door for acquaintances that are interested in what you are doing.
Attend church--they sometimes will have classes that can help bridge your needs with what they can offer.
Take the initiative to invite your teenagers' friends over for dinner. Or maybe some neighbors. Host an icecream social for your block. Sometimes making connections---can open doors for other things that will help you feel not so alone.
It takes that extra push and shove to reach beyond yourself, but sometimes that connection is worthwhile--not just for the evening, but for the long haul.
Remember:
People can be lonely in a crowd---You must share. The old adage, Be a friend to have a friend...hard but worth it.

Maria - posted on 10/14/2013

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I have good friends but they are busy too. I posted in a down moment. Nothing is new here and I will continue on with my chin up. It's just a bummer sometimes.

Catherine - posted on 10/14/2013

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oh, no!! I have my husband but I still go to these events alone. I do sometimes bring my own friends, though, that's for sure. Have you joined meetups and such?

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