Being alienated by friends

Irma - posted on 08/14/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 15 year old daughter, who up until now was extremely social, outgoing, confident and active. She had the confidence as the "leader of the pack." However starting around the end of her 8th grade year, one friend with a stronger personality broke from the group turning several of the other girls, against my daughter. My daughter was left confused and didn't exactly know what had happened, there wasn't an argument or anything that pin pointed a seriouse event. Now two years later, the rest of the group has turned away from my daughter. Many still talk to her, however they have betrayed her secrets and when with this other girl wil alienate her. Almost two years later, at almost 16, she is totally different person, she wants to make new friends but lacks the confidence to approach people, has decided to drop several extracuricular activities such as Band and cheer because she feels she doesn't have any friends and doesn't belong anywhere. She is left confused, unconfident and hurt. She has always been one that parents of her friends adore, and not been a problem child or drama driven. Not sure how to help her, any ideas?

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Denise - posted on 08/15/2013

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Find SOMETHING that your daughter wants to get involved in, church groups, girl scouts, sport team etc. High school goes by pretty fast, but to a girl without a group or a weekly purpose, it will drag on. She is of age to get a little job somewhere and this could be a fun to meet new people.
Girls can be a little caddy at this age. Tell her she cannot control how other people act, but she can control how she reacts and acts towards others.
Good luck and keep being supportive!

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Enna - posted on 08/15/2013

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You can put her in counselling to work on self-esteem. It sounds like a problem she's going to have to sort out. Talking to her about it is probably the only other thing you can do. You can't really confront the girls or their parents. I don't know if the teachers at school are seeing it, but unless she's being seriously bullied, they probably won't do anything. If it's possible for you, have you considered sending her to a different school? A new crowd may be just what she needs. Or try to get her involved in some sort of group outside of school that is completely away from the kids that are bothering her.

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