Boyfriend physically pushing/shoving 16 y/o son

Stephanie - posted on 06/04/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi to all,
Seek your opinions on how to handle, as I want to be fair amidst my parental outrage.
My boyfriend of nearly 5 years got into a verbal disagreement with my 16 year old son two nights ago. It started around a social issue on which they disagreed, with my boyfriend making some disparaging remarks about a certain economic class of people - a class where my son has peers, etc.
They argued - my son kept it together pretty well, kept to the topic, no low blows. My boyfriend is not as respectful overall - he would laugh at my son, talk to him in a "you know nothing" tone (I'm not trying to disparage my boyfriend here - this is his argument tactic). In the end my son said that my boyfriend's statement offended him and that he would prefer if he not make those remarks around him. My boyfriend's reply was that he didn't care if he offended my son, that he's fought for our country and has 1st amendment rights to say and do whatever he feels, and that he won't be censored. (there were a few expletives thrown in). He said my son should just man-up...put his big-boy pants on...you get the picture I hope. At this point I told my son he should end the discussion and go upstairs. but! that didn't happen.

My son replied that he would be sure to tell my boyfriend that response next time he did something my bf didn't like. To which my bf changed tactics to threatening my son that he would embarrass him in front of his girlfriend...son replied fine then he would just look like an a$$hole. At this point he got up and walked away... To this my bf told him not to walk away from him, and when my son didn't turn around started taunting him, saying, "Run. Run away like a big baby boy. run like a big baby boy"...to which my son as he was going upstairs replied, "bye big baby bitch"

At this point my bf took off after him and met him in the hallway, and started pushing my son, saying, "so you think you're a man?", etc.

Now...my bf is a former special forces guy with all kinds of training. My son, fortunately, did nothing in return. He just stood while my bf pushed him 3 times, til I could get in between them and tell him he needed to go. My bf subsequently left the house and returned to his own home, and hasn't returned as yet.

So my question for all of you is...how to handle this. Of course I'm angry. I'm livid. In my world there's no place for physical altercations like this, nonetheless one started by a 57 year old man with a 16 year old teen. My son is not blameless - while he truly did remain respectful overall during the argument, his "bitch" comment was not ok, and what sent things truly over the edge. However I'm afraid that drawing a line with my bf really won't be enough. there was a similar argument at a restaurant two months ago, resulting in my bf telling my son that "we'll just see how much of a man you are when we get home"... My son took the upper hand on that one and after 30 min or so asked to talk to my bf outside in private, where they calmly resolved their differences.

This current situation is an escalation of that first one two months ago, and I'm afraid that from here it might get worse. Which would be a really bad thing. My bf could do a lot of damage - not that I think he would - but I don't know that with 100% assurance.

I've hardly spoken to my bf, and this morning via text I asked him if he was going to try and make things right, and his reply was, "So to get this straight, you think this is MY fault?" He typically casts blame elsewhere...would love to think he'd "man up" and try having a talk with my son with an apology that could be reciprocated by my son for his comment? however...that's a dream. So any advice you all have is greatly appreciated.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/05/2014

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Your boyfriend is a grade a asshole.

If he truly DID serve in the armed forces, he needs to man up and get himself into counseling where he can learn to manage his childish impulses to relentlessly bait a minor into a physical confrontation.

He also needs to be prosecuted for assault and battery on your minor child. This is YOUR job as the kid's mother, to protect your kid, not give an asshole another go at him.

Good luck. I hope you make the appropriate decisions to remove this baggage from your life.

Nicole - posted on 06/04/2014

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So... your bf initiated an argument and taunted a teenage boy who was trying to do the right thing. In all honesty, if the "bitch" comment from your son was his only retribution, he showed amazing restrain for a 16 year old. Your bf needs to grow up and realize that not only is taunting a minor not okay, but putting his hands on him is definitely not okay. I know you have a lot of time invested in this guy and you probably love him, but he sounds like he will only escalate and next time may throw a punch. "Serving his country" doesn't make it okay for him to be a bully, and disrespect your son or you. Get rid of this loser before he really hurts your son.

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