Cannot live without my children

Debbie - posted on 10/15/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am still struggling with going through a Divorce. My husband has taken my 2 girls aged 13 and 10 years old to live with him. He has pratically bought them he flys them around the country buys thems anything their little heart desire. He gives them between R600 and R1000 at a time. He has never done that before. I see my children 2 days a week. I found out that he smokes grass. He is doing so much harm to my children. He is so scared now that i have a lawyer because of all the evidence i have against him. Our Divorce meeting with the lawyers is on Wednesday 20/10/10. Please pray that all will go well for me to get my children back with me.My husband is a very dangerous man my children are very intermidated by him. It was always his way or noway. I just want all this to end. It has been six months going through this. My kids were taken from me on 15/09/10. Jesus has carried me through the burning flames and im still standing strong.Lost alot of weight cannot sleep eat or llive been trying praying asking. Have never been so desperate for my God like now. I know his here with me and the kids all the. Just want all this to be over and be in peace.

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As a child of divorce and divorce myself children are smart and they see thru everything. My advice is be true to them and love them unconditionally and that will have more weight than anything because they will get bored with material things as that will not fill the void, and make sure that when you spend time with them keep all your divorce issue outside of their quality time.

Barb - posted on 11/04/2010

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I am so sorry to hear you are going through this rough time.

When my son's father and i divorced there were lots of threats of him taking him away and me never seeing him again. And even some actions towards doing that. But when i calmed down and spoke reasonably with him he returned the favor.

The children are half of the mother and half of the father. Although you didn't make good spouses, does that make you a bad mother or him a bad father?
Even though he might have been dangerous to you, do you think he is truly dangerous towards his own offspring?
What are his goals for the children? What does he want them to grow up to be? is it the same thing that you have in mind?
You may not have the same idea of how to get there, but if you both want your children to be happy successful independent adults, it's important for their self image to realize they are made up of a good mom and a good dad.

They didn't pick their dad, you did, and they didn't pick their mom, he did. Now it's up to you two, to put your fear, pride, judgments and differences aside for the betterment of your children.

You may not like or agree with everything he is doing, but as long as it doesn't truly hurt your children, let it go. For the love of your children, let it go.

It's not about you, and it's not about him. It always has to be about THEM.

Debbie - posted on 11/04/2010

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Thank you to all of you for wonderful advice just praying for strengh for me to carry on.

Anna - posted on 10/28/2010

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Pray! Firstly, be in good communications with your lawyer document as much as you can. Since he's dangerous to you and you're grown, try to help your lawyer to get any hospital records... Demand little from the divorce aspect, you only want the children that way its a clean break.See a therapist, with the Hippa laws in place they will get no info from this health professional. Sleep some, rest when you can. this is one of the biggest fights of your life. Eat a good meal, even alone. To stay strong,and alert. he will likely try to be deceptive in court. let him talk his way into a bad judgement. The lawyers and judge prob see this every day. Be kind generous, lady like when you can. That will speak volumes, when he's being a horses rear in court or out. Do you belong to a church, they can help with a few ladys who have been through this already. Be cautious to see if they are truly trustworthy, go with your gut on this one. If its painful at your current church its ok to be in another church. where maybe the wounds and memories aren't so fresh. The point is to build your support system. The ladies who know what this is like will be able to help you, hopefully, with a well timed casserole, and a snickers or prayer, and silence if that is what you need. don't be afraid to tell a couple that you need prayer, or to take a walk to clear your head occasionally. Then once this gets resolved you will have wonderful friends for your girls to learn from as well. I'm praying that this works in your favor. You have a lot of ladies on here who are cheering for you too :) Be Blessed.

Danielle - posted on 10/26/2010

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WOW!! Hello Debbie! I was so touched by ur post. I'm happy that u are a praying woman & GOD is going to answer your prayers. What the devil meant for evil, GOD turns it around and make it for the good! Don't worry anymore, just trust and know that GOD is able to do it for you and your daughters! Stay encouraged!

Kae - posted on 10/26/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I've a similuar situation. My daughter was given the choice and went with her dad. He made lots of promises to her about cars, etc. Constantly telling her that I was mean, evil, etc. IDK what you do in a situation like this but pray. I was never mad at God during my divorce but the day my daughter left, I was angry. I'm still praying for her to come home.

Gena - posted on 10/21/2010

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I have been through a similar struggle with a dangerous ex-husband and my prayer goes out to you. Be strong for your girls, they will someday be back in your arms. The feeling of powerlessness and watching time pass can be overwhelming when it comes to the safety of your babies. Remember to be good to yourself and possibly look for a counselor who can listen and help.

Maureen - posted on 10/20/2010

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My prayers are with you today and during this very difficult situation. I pray you are able to get your girls back and start your life out with a positive outlook! Keep the faith, your new life is going to be the best, once things have settled and you begin to move forward from this horrible man. Best wishes

Louise - posted on 10/16/2010

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Stay strong gather as much evidence as you can find and make your case on fact and not hear say. If you know for certain your kids want to be with you then ask the judge to ask them as they are old enough to have a say. Do not let your emotions cloud your judgement fight and fight hard!

Jennifer - posted on 10/15/2010

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Just want to say hang in there and dont give up. God will carry you through this. You are in my prayers

Heather - posted on 10/15/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I do pray that you are able to get your babies back. At the ages they are hopefully they can understand that what he is doing is wrong. I wish you the best of luck.

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