child opposition

Afifa - posted on 02/12/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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my three-year-old son is very opponent and against us he wants to do anything that he wants if i don't do according him he will cry , shout and says i don't love u

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Iflirty - posted on 02/14/2016

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I suggest you create a list of what you will allow your child to control. Post the list in a visible place (make a custom placemat) and review the list with your child when he is in a good/calm/happy mood. Tell you son that he can have total contol and decision making over........uh, some examples....which movie (out of 10 or so) he wishes to watch when you allow him to watch a movie, his choice in hairstyle, allow him to not eat the prepared meal whenever he pleases but his alternate meal will be of only two choices (you have to figure out the two choices and be sure to have them on hand and they should be easy to fix...like a bowl of cereal). If you think about it you will come up with a long list of what your child can control.

When your son chooses to oppose you when he does not have the luxury (or authority) you must be firm. Remind your child that "Parent Authority" is required at the time he is opposing you. Explain to your child that Parent Authority is real and necessary so that your family can be safe and function. Agree with your child that necessary activities are not always fun, but, it will be less fun if it does not get done (example....if you don't grocery shop you will not have food). Also, if you can tell your child in advance of an activity that you 'will' be doing then he will increase trust in you and should eventually transition better. Even if he cries and shouts earlier preparing him is more valuable than the discomfort of crying and shouting child. This should also teach him better communication skills (he may mimic your 'giving notice' prior to events). Preparing and giving notice....you can expand that by telling your child days in advance. Call it "sleeps" to represent passing of a day. Example, "Son, you will have two sleeps and then we go to visit Gramma at her house."

Crying and shouting ....that is pretty much what kids do. I remember my daughter asking her father if she could do or have something and he responded, "No." My daughter told her father, "I hate you". Her father ignored her and kept walking. She chased him and made her way to be in front of him and asked, "Did you hear me? I said I hate you." Her father said, "Yes, I heard you. That's okay." She was about 4 years at the time and I don't think she ever tried that game again. Many times when my children cried I told them, "cry louder, it's not going to change what needs to be or what needs to get done." It's not mean, it's realistic. Parents are adults and know what needs to get done and when; a three year old will come to understand "how it is" with your practicing showing him.

Change won't happen overnight. You must be consistent, and never threatening. As the parent you must decide when "Parent Authority" is a must and commit. You can ask your child if there is anything you can do to make what he is opposed to doing a better experience for him, that will give him control he can have (I'd pick out about three things to offer him for "better experience".....like 'bring a few toys', 'bring a snack', etc.).

When your child is cooperative (not opposed) share with him how pleased you are with his big boy behavior and how you very much enjoy sharing time with him doing what all families do in regualar daily living.

But, also, rule out any other possibilities....is he feeling well, does he have fears, etc. If there is an unknown about your child that is relevant to his behavior he may not respond to conditioning and learning appropriate behavior easily.

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