curfew for teens

Diana - posted on 09/26/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Hello



What do u think is an appropriate curfew for a soon to be 17 year old girl on weeknights and weekends. Also, if they break curfew what should be the punishment? Right now I'm going with 10 pm on weeknights and 12 am on weekends. If she is late she goes to bed 15 mins earlier.

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Vicki - posted on 09/26/2012

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I think the curfew you have given your daughter is reasonable. However I think going to bed 15 minutes early isnt much of a punishment at this age. I feel like she should have a 15 minute window for being late anything after that is time for consenquences. In my house we hold family meetings once a week and we all come up with the consenquences for our household rules, its much calmer this way and makes our son more accountable when he breaks a rule cause he knows he contributed to the punishments.....This was a issue in our house recently so as a family we came up with this: Curfew on a school night is 10pm if your late your new curfew is 1 hr earlier for a full 5 days if your lateagain within the 5 days it goes down 1 more hr for a full 7 days. this is really working in my house since it has been set up my son was late only once and before this it was daily.

Starr - posted on 10/08/2012

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Since I myself don't like to stay up late waiting for my daughter to come home I set a little earlier limits. I have the worst anxiety over the kids being in cars. Weekends is 10 pm and it all depends on weekdays. Normally she isn't allowed to "go out" on weekdays except for maybe dinner or shopping. Really depends what it is. There is usually so much homework or practice and with getting up early that she usually doesn't want to do anything during the week anyways. Sometimes I will let her stay later on the weekend if I know they're going to a movie and it starts at say 8:30 then it would be okay to come home a little later but she has to text me always when she's on her way home. Then again mine just turned 16.

Lydia - posted on 09/30/2012

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I also give a 10 curfew on weekdays... If all homework is complete. Weekends 1230(depending where and with who) i may extend or shorten. I have zero tolerance for being late, 15 earlier bedtime isnt harsh enough in my opinion. Late... Next weekend, curfew cut 1 hour or no going out. Rules are rules. They will have many to follow ad adults so if they learn now, life will be alot better in future

Diana - posted on 09/27/2012

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Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I know I get it right and sometimes I'm off base. I think the consequences should be discussed and agreed upon and that way the she is held accountable.



It's so hard sometimes to find a balance between letting them have some freedom and reigning them in. She has proven to be difficult in other ways as well and we are working on those issues. It is getting better thankfully because I couldn't stand what was going on. Young girls?

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Sophia - posted on 02/21/2014

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I really feel that curfew is about being safe. We don't allow the young or older kids to stay out on school night. Unless they were doing something school related. Sport or studying . We don't have any money so my kids know the only way ... Is education and don't play around..... No trust fund in this family. We almost poor.

Amanda - posted on 10/17/2012

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i had during week days by 10 pm and on the weekends 11 if i was late i got everything taken away from me for about 2 weeks and in those 2 weeks i had to get picked up an baby sat the entire time... then after 2 weeks i got another chance and if i nessed up again another 3 weeks.. yeah my parents sucked..

Sara - posted on 10/08/2012

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I always said the same thing until their senior year, then I was more lenient. Granted my girls were never usually late, My thing was, if I knew where they were and knew the friends on a weekend if they called and said can i stay a little later? I would usually let them. If they were going out and they didn't want to inform me about exactly where they were going it was always 12pm weekends. If they did come in late, I would say they had to stay home the following weekend, and or 10pm curfew the following weekend. During the week, I only aloud them to attend school function such as sports games ect.

Rose - posted on 10/07/2012

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I think the curfew you chose is a good time.

With my 16 year old I allow her to stay out till 10:30 on weeknights and 12-12:30 on weekends. Usually my daughter doesn't stay out past her curfew on weeknights and I never worry about that. But on weekends she sometimes stays out till 1 or 1:30! I usually take her phone away and not let her go out for the next week. It usually straightens her up because she ends up being bored for a whole week that she stops doing it.

Vickie - posted on 09/29/2012

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My daughter's curfew is 9pm on weeknights and midnight on weekends, but if she calls me and asks to stay out later for a movie or something I will okay it because she's always with friends and adults.



My policy has always been with my kids that if they are more than a few minutes late they will be grounded 1 day for every MINUTE they are late. I will accept an "I'm going to be late but I'm on my way" phone call as long as she then comes home within a reasonable amount of time.



ETA: The policy about being late has been in affect since my kids were about 10 and hanging out with neighborhood friends. It only took one time of being grounded for them to realize I'm serious. My daughter has never missed curfew without calling beforehand.



I should also add that she's also given me no reason not to trust her and she's a straight A student (but she takes honors and AP classes, that's why the 9pm weeknight curfew, so she can keep her grades up).

ROSETTA - posted on 09/28/2012

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HEY THATS ABOUT RIGHT... WHATEVER YOUR CURFEW LAWS ARE FOR YOUR TOWN... BUT THAT IS ABOUT RIGHT... I HAVE A 17 YEAR OLD AND THOSE ARE HER HOURS

Ramona - posted on 09/27/2012

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Those hours sound fine to me. I will say, that 10 means 10, not 10:02. And there are some real chores and the loss of the use of the cars for a while for being late. 15 minutes does not seem quite enough.

Sally - posted on 09/27/2012

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An appropriate curfew depends on so many factors. How mature she is, where she goes, who she's with, if it's a special occasion, you're neighborhood, etc. If the times you have work for both of you then no one else's opinion of them matters. I would say that she should be open to negotiation if she has to be up early the next day and you should do the same if it's a special occasion though. My kids curfew changes with each activity based on where they're going, who they'll be with, and what they have to do tomorrow morning, but my kid is younger than yours and doesn't go out often yet. We may change later. I try to negotiate as much as possible so she can learn to make her own wise choices, but as the mom I get the final say.

Going to bed early is a silly punishment that just gets sillier as the child ages. It's not like you can make them sleep and why would you want them to associate something so important to their health with punishment? As natural consequences (when safe) are the best teacher, if you can't come home on time, you either start coming home earlier or don't go out at all for a while.

Good luck

[deleted account]

Diana, you are right on the money with 10 & 12 - that's what my 17 year-old's curfews are! But I have to agree with Vicki & Ariana where the punishment is concerned. 15 minutes means a lot to a child, but not to a teen. Reigning in the leads on the curfew leash, and restricting the electronic gadget usage (cell phone, computer, game systems, tv) are what will get their attention.

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