Daugher does not speak nor wants to see me

Allison - posted on 05/30/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter has not spoken to me in going on 5 years. she is 18 now and I have missed all her teenage life. She was ok then bam she just shut me out of her life. The pain is unbearable. All the times a mother should be there she never wanted me around. Now she is 18 and I never got to see her before her prom and graduation is next and I am not invited. The last email I got from her years ago was reasons that she was mad are just things that should just be forgiven and not reasons for shutting me out. I miss her every day and there is not a minute that goes by that I am not thinking about her. I guess I would like to know if there is any other Moms out there that have this experience and if their daughters ever came back to them. Her dad and I are still close and along with my ex inlaws. I just want her back and waiting is getting more and more difficult with each passing day. Though I can never say I can understand the pain of losing a child in death, it does feel like a loss but my child is still walking this earth.

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Olivia - posted on 12/03/2013

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Hi Allison,im on the same boat.She was 17 and I was able to attend her graduation with her long lost auntie and nana,I approached the school if I can sing on her graduation and surprised her,but principal advised me not to coz I might embarrassed her,so I did told her and was happy and surprised!because my daughter was proud of me when it comes to my singing because she was always with me when I performed in NSW,and most of them were the winners.meaning to say she knows my capabilities.Now prior to that we had a fight and I asked her to leaved the house coz she was a handful and very defiant,she got a boyfriend that doesn't have a good influence with her,and a friend that has a child on her early days she is on her late 20s I think?and shes living there now,but before here graduation she came back home but she never home,i felt sorry for her brother which is 13 years old,looking for her.I tried to reach out for her but she seemed distant to me,she always said she love me but shes got the funny way of showing it!I miss her everyday and cry on my sleep,praying that she is alright and that God will guide her whatever decision she make,All I can say on this situation is to ask Gods help.God is an awesum God.have faith!xo

Julie - posted on 01/19/2011

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Hi Alison! My daughter has had nothing to do with me since she was 11 yrs old and she is now 26. I was divorced from her dad when she was 9yrs old and he won custody. our relationship was good until he remarried then she wouldnt have anything else to do with me. Its very hard to come to terms with as you say. keep sending her cards and things and I hope she will want to see you again one day. I have now resigned myself to the fact that I will never see my daughter again but the pain never goes away. good luck xx

Melissa - posted on 01/09/2011

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I can say that you are not alone. I have not talked or see my daughter in 8 months and she is a freshman in high school. I have tried to talk to her and try to find what went wrong but she shuts down. She claims I draw more attention to my youngest( with my current husband) but them she is always asking her brother(same father as her) about him. I send cards and tell her father and brother to tell her Things like" I love her" and" miss her" and "tell her I said hi" I don't get any response. I know she loves me and thinks of me. But it is hard missing out on things. She currently even has disowned my side of the family. I have decided to continue to do what I am doing, senting cards and gifts, so she knows tha I am thinking of her and that I am here when she needs me. I hope that one day she will!

Allison - posted on 06/02/2009

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Thank you Shelly, I have talked to my ex and my x-in-laws and well nothing will change her. I tried to talk to her in the past but she just shuts me out. I have gone to some of her events such as she was captain of cheerleading squad and I went to her games, all she did was get angry I was there. Her graduation this Friday if it is outside I will go and lay low, inside you do need tickets, my ex did ask her and she said NO. I have been in therapy because there it is so hard not having her in my life and her not wanting me. The worst thing is that I do not know what I could have done that was so bad. Everyone has tried to get through to her, but she just she will not budge. I still send her cards even though her dad tells she does not open them. SHe refuses Bday gits and Xmas gifts. I have told her in person and in cards that no matter how much you hate me now, I will love you no matter what. So all I can do is still pray to my father above that there will be a day she finds forgiveness and will realize that I never gave up. Thank you for keeping us in your prayer.

Shelly - posted on 06/01/2009

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Allison,

I have never walked in your shoes but sweety the only advice I can give you is just keep trying keep the communication open keep sending the B-Day cards the just because I love you cards and as far as her graduation talk to her father and find out if you have to have tickets for it and ask your Ex if he would be willing to get you one. She doesn't need to know you are there but you can watch her walk the line and get pictures...I don't know about your graduations but at ours when you walk in they have a place were you can purchase the pictures from graduation and have it mailed to your house....And then when she decides to act like an adult and talk to you about what she's feeling and tells you you weren't there for anything in her life you can tell her that yes you were and you have the pictures to show her. Don't just through your hands in the air and say it's not my fault you need to just keep trying!!! Maybe you can talk to your ex-in-laws and see if they can mediate for you and your daughter so you can get everything out in the open...And if she agrees don't go about it as this is silly for you not to talk to me and don't try to defend what you did just let her talk and then when she is done tell her what your thinking was at the time and why you made the decitions you made...Just DO NOT give up!!! I will keep both of you in my prayers and ask he Lord to soften her heart...

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