Don't know how to handle my teenage boy

PJ - posted on 01/09/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son (16yrs) and I seem to turn every conversation into an arguement. He is intelligent but lazy. When I discuss what his expectations are w/ regards to school, he just resorts to verbally belittling me, and trying to turn everything around to not be his fault. We caught him in little lies. There is too much drama surrounding girls at school, and I'm ready to tell him no girls till college. He's more worried about playing video games, hanging w/ guys, and wants to run around every wknd, and procrastinates and rushes assignments, instead of starting his college search, or even studying to get his drivers permit. He says he hates me, and I end up not sleeping and crying all night. My husband says its because I 'drill' him about what he's done on his priority list almost everyday, but he will just let stuff go and never do it, if I don't. What should I do?

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Lakota - posted on 01/09/2013

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I have people who tell me that I'm too strict also. We aren't. We want our children to be responsible, successful adults. If he rebels at 18, than he will really discover what consequences are. But, if he knows what the right choices are because of you, he will lean towards the right thing more than if he had parents who let him run wild. Good luck.

Lakota - posted on 01/09/2013

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He doesn't really hate you. I know it's very hurtful to hear and it makes you very sad. But, try to let it go in one ear and out the other. He is at the "testing" stage still and it is a "power play" to continue to say things that he knows will get under your skin. I have two boys - one is 16, the other is 13. I had some issues with my 16 year old too. He is interested in the usual teenage boy stuff too - girls, friends, going out, video games, etc. I have house rules that they both have to go by and sometimes they aren't followed. So, there are consequences to everything. Handle things with him one at a time. For example:

He doesn't want to study to get his driver's permit? Then don't drive him anywhere unless it's to school or somewhere he needs to go.

He doesn't want to work on his assignments correctly? Then he can do it instead of running around on the weekends.

Too much drama with the girls? The girls need to go.

He can't talk to you with respect? Then his video games, friends, running around will go until he realizes that you are the adult, he is the child, and he will talk to you with respect and respect what your wishes are for him.

You have the right to "drill" him within reason. Give him dead lines for when you want something completed. Tell him once. If he doesn't meet the deadline, then he needs to suffer some consequences - punishments, things taken away, etc. That way you aren't constantly on him, but, he will know that you mean business.

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Jane - posted on 01/11/2013

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When my son was about that age almost every conversation turned into an arguement. When it turns into that, just cut off the conversation or change the topic. Unfortunately I think this is common and kids are trying to be grown up and don't want to listen to a parent. As for school , This should be about his expectations and goals, not yours.Let him know that ,yes you want him to do his best, but school is his thing and he needs to take responsibility for it himself. Talk about what he needs to do if he wants to get into college. If he wants to goof off, let him deal the consequences. My son did poorly in high school partly because of ADD but partly because of not caring and goofing off. He totally turned it around in 11th grade and got into college.

Kimberly - posted on 01/09/2013

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I came on here today to post something almost exact to this. Good mom here (not honking horn but true) with hard working dad, and little brother who adores him, my son is 17 and thinks he is 50.

he has no girls but wonders why ...I think its all the video games, and the guys ........and I am in no rush so I don't tell him why!

he got caught new years drinking! he threw up all over the place and said he liked it...........
has applications out on schools and told me if he decides, he may do community college just to keep cost down, and I am against it...........

I am not the boss of him........he insists LOL


crashed his car already and had his license for 4 months......

seriously am eating my wheaties to keep up and I feel defeated.

I think its NORMAL???? if you want to say you can find NORMAL in a teenager? I D K
bless you and good luck!

PJ - posted on 01/09/2013

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Amen to that! Thanks so much. Best wishes with your 2 also. Let's keep in touch. You've been such a help - and a blessing to me today. Thank you again.

PJ - posted on 01/09/2013

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That's exactly what I think is the right thing to do also. And it looks alot easier on paper. I'm just always hearing that I'm being too strict, and that he will rebel when he's 18 and we will not have a good relationship when he is an adult. However, I can't keep going like this. My best friend says I have to get a backbone, and he will will think I am the meanest Mom around, but that's ok. Guess it's time to get tough. Thank you very much. It's good to know there are other Mom's out there w/ the same types of expectations that are running through my head. Take care.

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