Father and teen age son fighting

User - posted on 12/16/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am writing because I am concerned with my husband and teen age sons (16 and 18) fighting. Last night our 16 year old (stronger and in better shape then my husband) was asking my husband a question and my husband made a rude comment about him being stupid. My son was sitting with a water bottle in his hand and threw it at his dad. My husband got up and grabbed him.He was swearing at him and saying your not in charge I am. Our son then pushed his dad off him and my husband swung at him. The next thing I new they were both going at it. Our 18 year old said mom get out of the room and don't watch. I was ready to call the cops and my older son told me. This was normal and he and dad went at it once and never did again. "dad just needs to get it out of his system and then he's done". How dysfunctional!!! I don't know if this is a "normal father son thing however I never saw either of my brothers fight my father....they would have been kicked out of the house. The fact that my 18 year old said it was just what had to happen was truly a huge question in my mind of; Is this just the male process? I don't agree with it and am sad and disappointed that it was so easily done with no apology from my husband to our son or our son apologizing to his dad. This morning it was as if nothing had transpired the night before. Is this "normal"?

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Trisha - posted on 12/19/2014

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I think at some point, parents, mothers and fathers, are challenged by their children. It's not unusual for teens to become outspoken, and adding physical violence, is definitely a sign of the times. Unfortunately, it happens more often, than not. It would be good for you to speak to your husband about not talking down to your son, as not to have this happen again. Teens, today, are demanding respect from EVERYONE, including their parents.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2014

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It's called "posturing", and most young people, male OR female, will do this. It is not unusual for it to become a physical confrontation, as both males are testosterone machines, and the 'young buck' is challenging the 'alpha male'.

You see it all the time in nature, why would human nature be any different?

Yes, its normal. Not easy to witness, but as long as no one was truly hurt, and both are handling it maturely, it went exactly as it should have. Your 18 YO was spot on, in both his reaction of removing you from the room, and his explanation.

but, a "sign of the times"? No...its not. Its been going on since Cain & Abel (if you want the biblical) or since the advent of human population on the planet. Humans are animals. (I don't mean that in a derogatory way) We've evolved with speech and language, but our actions can still be at the primal level.

Sonia - posted on 12/16/2014

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my god! is this the sign of the times? As i see it, i think it may have been wrong for your husband to throw the first punch (especially if he is less able to fight back). It ay have been wiser to punish your son in an alternative way (grounded, no allowance etc..?).

But tbh, it is probably much more complex than a first punch...Have they historically never bonded? Is there a history of this and now your son is fighting back...?

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