Feeling Useless now the kids are growing up

User - posted on 09/04/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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What do I do with myself now that my 19 year old has gone off to University and doesn't need me now, she has her own life and adventures to go for, although I will always be here for her. My 12 year old has just started grade 7 in a new school and is, I am extremely proud and happy to say, making friends hand over fist. She is a very pretty, outgoing child, although is shy to start off with, so I am pleased she is making friends. She doesn't want to spend time with me, and I don't want to force her. I'm an older mum and not "cool", and I guess I can embarrass her too. I just feel so left out, sad I know, but I do. My whole life has been about putting the girls first, I forgotten about myself. What do I do now?

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Tanya - posted on 09/06/2014

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First of all congratulations to all you mom's here that have raised wonderful children, such as Ramona and Kolleen!

Kolleen it's your time now! First of all sleep in!!!! Like the others said join classes, join activities with women you age that have the same interest. Write in a journal or letters for your daughters...I always write letters to my daughter so she can have them for the future.

Have a girls dinner with your friends.

Ramona - posted on 09/05/2014

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You're still needed for the girls. Now, you have to show them how a woman handles herself after her kids are older. I am a mom to a 20 yo and 16 yo. My kids don't need mommy to make play dates or pack their lunches. But, I work a few days a week, volunteer, am in book clubs, I'm hoping to find a piano teacher that works with my schedule. I am just as busy as ever.

Chet - posted on 09/04/2014

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You take the time to do what you want to do... or to just explore your options. Take a class. Look for a job. Volunteer. Go to the info session on becoming a foster parent.

I would look for something that keeps you busy, but still available to your 12 year old. Even when kids get to be older it's still good to know their friends. And even if you don't spend a lot of focused time together it's good for teens to know that their parents are nearby, available if needed, etc.

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