Found out 15 year old daughter (doing sexual things with boyfriend)

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

My daughter is 15 and I found out that prior to the boyfriend she has now, that the boy she was with had anal and oral sex with her. We reprimanded the boy and her and told them it was not appropriate at their age. I found sext messages, photos on her ipod. So, I talked to them, and they said it wouldn't happen again. Then the last time he was at our house he had anal with her again, in my home, only 2 doors down with the door off the hinges. We thought we were smart by taking the door off. Well kids these days are extremely sneaky.
My daughter is now with a different boy. He is older 19 but in High School (senior). When we met the boy we didn't know he was older as he is a little guy. None the less he is still 19. I didn't want to have them go out. I didn't want her to date anyone for that matter she is only 15. But today is different from my day. So this boy asked us for permission to date her. We said yes he and she both promised that they would not have sex of any kind. I told the boy I would write up a contract and have him sign it and have it notorized. Also for my daughter as well. I didn't have the time to do so, I was working 16 hour shifts. Well, I am now on a break and I now have time to write the contracts up. I found out that they had oral sex the day before mother's day. I confronted her and she fessed up to it. She said, at least I told you. She only told me because she was caught. She told me that her boyfriend didn't believe in pre-marital sex. I was in my glory, that was the reason why she was allowed to go out with him. He is super polite (everywhere) it is not an act. I even told him that if they had sex he could be arrested for rape. He understood, hence the contract. I know my daughter is still a virgin, as far as she says... I made a gynecology apt for her and will find out if in fact this is true. Also for my peace of mind put her on birth control (thinking depo-prevera) the shot, because pills can be forgottton. I told her I will have her checked constantly to see if she is still a virgin. If it turns out that she is not a virgin after the 1st check up after having the initial appt. That there will be trouble. (jail time for her boyfriend) Kids these days all believe in anal sex, because of the virgin thing and you can't get pregnant by having anal (they think). We asked her why she is doing these things, and she said she got carried away, not him. She said her ex-boyfriend made her this way. She said she was never like this until her first boyfriend. Well, we told her that someone can't make you this way. We believe that she is this way because she wants to be and she likes it (if it feels good do it) you know how the saying goes. I am trying to do the right thing, and get her protected and also have condoms just in case. I said that because she will have birth control doesn't mean I am giving her permission to go out and have sex. I am just making me have peace of mind. The same rules will apply with the 19 year old BF and her it will be rape as far as we are concerned. My husband has hit the roof. He thinks she is a slut. Acting like one anyway. She calls other girls whores in school, but she is acting the same way. I am beside myself, prom is this Saturday, and they are going. After that I don't know if they will be together because of the contracts I am making them sign. My husband wants to just lock her up and throw away the key. He is very very angry with her. I am trying to be openminded and in todays's teen world.
All I can do is protect her and give the tools necessary to do so. I don't know where we went wrong with raising her. She has tons of love and hugs and kisses, she gets things she wants. We have always communicated about everything. My husband and I feel like we failed as parents. Has anyone else gone through this hell? I am so upset about this whole thing. I need some kind of guidance. Thanks for listening ....
~ broken hearted mom :'(

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[deleted account]

First of all, you can't force your daughter to go to the gynecologist. Her sexual health is her business pass the age of 14. Even if you don't want your daughter to have sex, she's going to do it. You make think she isn't old enough to think for herself, but she is old enough to have made up her mind. I disagree with sex before marriage, but I made all the mistakes when I was in high school. I know my mind when I was a young teenager and it was made up. The best option for you is to love her, tell her the risks and help her be safe. Giving children materialistic things they want in't always healthy for them.

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[deleted account]

Amy, thanks for the info. My daughter has not lost her virginity. Gynogologist confirmed that. It's the fact of the sexting, pics, oral sex and anal (with the last bf) This one was oral and they were caught and told about it. They are really upset and scared that we will not let them date. I told them if they truly love one another that they can wait. They agreed. I have a contract made up and we are all going to the notary to sign it and have it notorized and then it is binding. We will see what happens. They both know that my daughter is too young to do these things. My daughter fessed up and said it was her and not him who wanted to do this. I believe it. This boy is so different than other boys. But you never know. It's not saying much about my daughter wanting to do these things. I said if you're going to act like a slut, then people will call you that and you will have a bad name for the rest of your life. I let her know we love her no matter what. She knows that. I will always stand by her, no matter how upsetting or frustrating it may get. She is still my baby and always will be. I hope she makes the right decisions from this point on. We will see. Thanks again.

Amy Nicole - posted on 05/14/2013

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I have a 15 year old daughter as well we give her alot and we make sure she's loved and she knows it she's a pretty good kid she makes a's b's sometimes a c and her conduct is good most the time expet she back talks and acts up alot as well. There prom is coming up well do you honestly think she should go? I don't if my 15 year old daughter brittney lost her virginity as a teenager and her prom was coming up i would tell her she is stuck home during it and then i would talk too her about why and i wouldn't do it out of rage but out of love.You told her No she disobeyed and there should be inforcment i know it sounds a little harsh and it is but what she did was worse and if i where too do that my mom would have taken my pants and panties down till i was bare bottomed and spanked me with a belt and still make me miss prom night and i did have that happen too me for sneaking out but we are talking about your daghters virginty loss she can't get that back. Once it's done it's done there's no getting out of it she lost her virginity she should loose her prom too and you should talk too her about it even messege me sometimes if you would like you can have her talk too me about this over email my email is :jasmine.rose_beach@yahoo.com of course brittney still has her virginity.

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