Frustrated Mom

Kristin - posted on 10/18/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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HI there I am a mother to 3 wonderful children 2 boys ages 16 and 6 and a beautiful little girl aged 1 yr. I had my 16 yr olds son when I was 16 and was a single parent from the time he was 3 to the age of 8 when I met the man I am with now and had 2 more children. My son seemed to be adjusting well until his dad came back into the picture a year ago and it all spiraled downwards. I caught him smoking pot and cigarettes so I sat him down and told him that will not be tolerated and I grounded him and took away his privledges for a month. Things seemed to be getting better and he was still an honor role student. Then a couple of months ago my son asked if he could sleep over at a friends house i said yes since i knoew who the kid was and his parents. I proceeded to go to bed next thing I know someone is banging at my door at 1 in the morning. I look to see who it is and low and behold it is the citys finest (the police) i answer the door wherre they proceed to tell me they have my son in their custody as he was wondering the streets and they confiscated his back pack in which they found a gas mask to smoke pot in, 3 bongs, 10 pipes, a digital scale, a grinder and a pack of smokes. I was shocked; they said they will leave him, with my as he had no pot on him but that if he would have had any on him they would have taken him to jail. They warned me that what they found is dealer paraphenilia and he was also around 2 known drug dealers in the city. To say I was angry was putting it mildly, I stormed down to his room where i proceded to take away his computer, his tv, his gaming systems, his phone and anything that was not deeemed a neccessity. I then put him on house arrest for 2 months. All seemed to be good again, then the school started calling saying my son was skipping classes and I drove him to school everyday. So I sat him dowen and asked him again what the problem was and how we can fix it. He stated he was bored in school and wanted to do distant learning in the outreach program. I understood and was willing to do whatever it took to get his grade 12 (I also prefered online schooling and finished 2 degrees with 4.0 GPA through online schooling). So we went to the school got him registered and got his courses, Now the agreement my son and I made was that he had to do his courses as fast as he could and I woild check every night to see what he had accomplished, he also had to do the dishwasher everyday, take the garbage out, clean his room, gp to his part time job when scheduled and babysit one hor 3 nights a week for me to go to the gym as my spouse works out of town, He was also told he had to quit smoking pot. Again all was well for up until a week ago when he decided to not come home after work and didnt call text or answer his phone until midnight when he textd me he was walking home. At this point i am worried sick and said i would pick him up but he would not tell me where he was. When he showed up at home it was 1 30 am and he was drunk and stoned, I lost it big time and the next day i made him do a drug test which came up positive for pot and trace amounts of extacy. Now my son states he cant stand me hates my rules and wants to move out. Im at my wits end as i have worked very hard to give my kids a good life where they are not lacking for anything and my son in willing to trhrow his future away for pot?? My heart breaks and I went through his phone and it scares me the pics and videos and these kids are all from good families, with nice homes loving parents. I dont get it. I dont know what to do. Does anyone have any advice on how to get my son to quit smoking pot and to quit being angry and to get his life back on track? His goal 6 months ago was to graduate school then to get a degree in psychology and then a degree in law. Now his goal is to see how much pot he can smoke. I have tried counselling and all that as well to no avail. Please any advice welcome

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Kristin - posted on 10/18/2012

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Starr,

Yes I have cut out the babysitting and limit his time alone with his siblings. I have spoken to a few of his friends parents and none of us quite know how to handle it. I mean in one video on my sons phone there is a handgun on the coffee table with the group of kids, I am so very tempted to phone the police but i also dont want my son to have a record. He is currently staying with my parents and he refuses to speak to me or see me and it has been a week since he talked to me. It really shocks me because mt son was always the smart, respectful responsible good kid. He has a part time job and at the beginning he was putting away half his pay cheques in savings for college and its all gone. We bought him a car with the stipulation that he has to pay the insurance or half of it anyways and the registration. It is still sitting in the driveway as he would rather spend his money on pot. It breaks my heart as he was such a good kid and was going so far in life. I mean he is not lacking for anything and we have a loving stable home for him, so i just dont understand why he would choose this route. Thank you for responding

Starr - posted on 10/18/2012

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Wow, I am so sorry. I don't really have much advise for you as I have never gone thru this but my first inkling is to save (maybe send them to your email) all the pictures/videos and contact the parents of the other kids you saw pictures and videos of and let them know that you've seen pictures/videos of thier children doing these things. I wouldn't necessarily get into all the things your son is doing with them but at least inform them of what their children are doing so that they can be aware and handle things from their end as well. I don't know if I would have him babysitting as he appears to not be responsible and is not a good influence at this time. Who knows what he is doing or talking about on the phone while he is babysitting your other children. You have to protect them as well so they don't get the idea that these things are okay.

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