having hard time with ex husband

Doris - posted on 04/14/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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he doesn't understand the 3 kids want to do other things with their friends (aged 15, 14 and 12) eldest also doesn't want to go to house all the time, but i'm being blamed by ex and his new wife for this he lived in usa for 6yrs and only visited for week every 5 mths, they both rhyme on about how poor they are so that means he cant pay for them or give them any money and how rich i am eldest has MLD (Moderate Learning Difficulties) so ay advice gratefully received

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Alicia - posted on 04/15/2013

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This is what i ell my ex it is not my responsibility to make sure he is able to see our kids. I make the kids availanle to him but if they call & tell him that they have plans or would rather not go to his house than don't blame me. who cares what your ex & his new wife thinks it is not thier lives & if it is really getting that bad than don't talk to them unless is has to do with the kids they start goin on about you being rich or them being poor tell them do you have anything else to say about our kids if not than this conversation is over.
Hope this helps

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Doris - posted on 04/19/2013

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they only go down on a saturday afternoon his choice and back home sunday for 10am then he sees them 4 tea monday night taking them at 5pm returning them at 8.30pm trying to keep everything clear but sometimes some thing crops up ie birthday party etc but he wont change times as it doesnt suit him and then starts asking them who is more important him or there friends...but the kids say he gets angry if they say friends and now feel they have to say him...which is just not fair i think anyway as i feel they are grown up and i have to let them have their own lives and not live through theirs

Enna - posted on 04/18/2013

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Well, I'm not clear on how often they're going to his house.
My brother went to my dad's house every other weekend when he was a kid. My mom just made sure that he didn't have anything planned on the weekends he was going with my dad. If there was something special going on then they would switch weekends. At that point I was a teenager, and I had a job, so I didn't ever go to my dad's. If I wanted to go I had to schedule days off work.

I think your ex is going to have to work out a different schedule. And as the kids get older he's going to have to get used to the fact that they have their own lives now. And if he hasn't always been a big part of his life, then he probably won't be now.

Doris - posted on 04/16/2013

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thanks i have tried this but will keep trying but he can be very controlling and he doesn't seem to like that he can't control me anymore but keeps questioning kids where I'm going or who with got to the stage i just tell kids i'm going out not who with etc..just annoys me that they question kids about me. and he also says she has parental rights over our kids as she is his wife and won't/can't talk to me unless she is in the background listening and interfering as she seems to know all never mind she has only been in the kids lives for 2 yrs and only then every 4-5 mths for 1wk when they came to visit from USA

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