Heartbroken

Susan - posted on 06/04/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )

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We have been struggling with my 13 year old son for months. I have taken a leave of absence from work to support him since September. He has been truant from school and refuses to go at all lately. I've found out he's been using drugs and today was out of control. I called the police and he was charged with assault against my husband. My son hates me right now but this was the only way to get him help since in Ontario chldren have the right to refuse counselling as of the age of 13. Every time I've tried to access help for him I have gotten that answer. My son hates me right now and is spending the night in jail. I hope I've done the right thing. Hardest decision I've ever made.

2 Comments

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JoAnne - posted on 06/08/2017

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I'm sorry that you are currently blocked from getting him therapy. Hopefully with prayer and hard work he'll relent and see that therapy would be helpful. Alternately, therapy for you might help you figure out how best to help your son. Through therapy with my daughter, I found that really looking critically at my behavior and life context helped me to parent her more effectively.

I think Lisa's tactic is sound advice. Along that idea, I recommend the books of Dr. Kevin Leman ... One of them is Have a New Kid by Friday, another is Have a New Teenager by Friday. The one I'm reading now is Have a new family by Friday and the first chapter talks about communication, similar to Lisa's tactic to asking for your son's input. It's brilliant.

I just looked at the website to get the link for you and it looks like it's been hacked. But I did find the podcasts, which may be even more convenient for you.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dr.-...

Hang in there. You made a really hard decision and that shows you have the strength to get your son thru this. I pray for guidance for you and your husband and for your son to realize he needs your help.

Lisa - posted on 06/08/2017

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Talk to him in a honest kind gentle way. ex:

It must be hard to go to school. I want to help you. Is there anything I can do? (wait for an answer) I want you to know that if there is anything I can do, I will do it. But I also wanted you to know that I do not belive that drugs are OK. Now you have a choice: would you rather go to school today or would you rather get punished for not going to school? I trust you to make the right decision. If he choses to get punished DO NOT GROUND HIM. IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL HOPELESS. Use spanking beacause from what you told me it seems like he is reckless but ultimitley he should know exactly why he is getting spanked.

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