Help! 18 year old son is getting high!

Charlene - posted on 03/08/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I really need some advice! My 18 year old son, Senior in High School is not hanging out with a very good group of kids. Now, I am not blaming my sons choices on his friends. He is a big boy and can say "No"... he just doesn't!! EVERYTIME he hangs out with his friends he gets high (weed) or drunk. I have tried talking to him about his choices and it honestly seems like he just doesn't care. I have talked to my son about drugs since middle school. My family has a strong history of drug and alcohol abuse. I personally have never even tried marijuana and never been much of a drinker. So, seeing what it has done to my family. I didn't want my son to follow in the footsteps =( That is why I was open and honest with him at a early age about what alcohol and drugs can do to you.
Since I found out he is getting high, I will not give him any money, give him rides, I only buy him what he needs, and I just suspended his cell phone. Today he wanted to go to his friends house and stay the whole weekend. He still has to ask permission ( lives under my roof ) and I told him... Sorry, I don't want you to go. I can't tell you yes when I know you are just going to be getting high and drunk all weekend. So he told me he is going regardless of what I say. I know this kids house he is staying at.. the mom lets them party. She is the " cool mom".... I just don't know what to do anymore!!! How do you give your child permission to go somewhere, when you know bad choices are going to be made? I know legally he is an adult... but he is SOOO immature. Any advice will be greatly appreciated : /

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Nancy - posted on 03/09/2013

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What a tough situation... It might be time for some tough love.. He is over 18 so you are no longer legally obligated to provide him with a home, or food or anything else.. It might be time to say fine, go to your friend's house, but don't come back and expect to still have a place to live.. I realize, of course, that it is much easier for me to suggest that than it would be for any parent to actually do it.. If that is too difficult, you can agree to let him do what he wants but, in exchange, he must pay you rent and buy his own food, You say that you have taught him about the dangers of drugs and alcohol since he was very young.. That's good - the information is still there inside of him, even if he is not using it.. Hang in there.. Let him know that you love him no matter what, but you cannot condone his behavior.. Hopefully, somewhere down the road, he will realize that he was the one who had the "cool mom" all along!!
Another thought is, if he goes to this friends house to party, call the police!! His friends "cool mom" is breaking the law by having minors partying in her home..

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