Help! Just found out daughter was raped.

Heather - posted on 03/08/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )




I just found out that my 13 year old was raped two years ago. She had suppressed the memories and had finally remember. I am so confused and worry. I fear that the rape may have damage her physically. We have her in counseling but I worry about aids and other STD's. She also has a boyfriend and I worry that they might be sexually active. I just don't know what to do. She doesn't eat a lot. She is 5'3 and only 93 pounds. Should I get her tested and on the pill?


Tammy - posted on 03/10/2012




I was 13. Only a few people know this. I didn't speak about it for Years. It's good that you have her in counseling.

Gretchen - posted on 03/08/2012




Poor baby! You have to take action to protect her! Statistic prove that this experience can have a long term affect on her emotions and decision making with men in her future. I have a good friend that has formed a non profit helping girls who have been sexually abused. Her name is Connie Rose and she has a facebook page called victims2survivors She is a wealth of knowledge and a survivor from sexual abuse herself. I am attaching some of her FB bio and contact info if you are interested. I have lived through this nightmare myself with someone and plead with you to get her help!

Here is Connies Bio:

We are creating an organization to transform victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse from Victims2Survivors. The possibility to give forgiveness to yourself and your perpetrator. To own your POWER ~ To Live a Guilt Free Life a Life that you LOVE. I am a survivor that lived a life of a victim of Childhood Sexual Abuse from age 2 until 16. I am the daughter of a Sex Offender who had over 75 victims I am a woman who has been in a Domestic Violence marriage. When I speak, I speak from my heart, my soul, as I have walked the road! We all know someone that has been touched by this former unspeakable abuse ~ the person standing next to you at Starbucks or in line at the Grocery store at the Movies, sitting in front of your son or daughter in the classroom or the child that just spent the night at your home ~ The reason I say former unspeakable abuse is our goal, our vision is to give them a VOICE through my VOICE!

Listen to Victims2Survivors "Breaking the Silence" One Voice at a Time! Wednesday's @ 10:00 am EST

call in # 727-329-9167

Life Improvement

Because Silence Isn't Always Golden!

The show is a VOICE and Platform for Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence. Committed to Advocacy, to creating a sense of Community and to the Restoration, of women and men who were Victims of Incest/Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence. Victims2Survivors “Breaking the Silence” One Voice at a Time, “Because Silence isn’t always GOLDEN!” is the forum for the Tampa Bay area Non Profit's, For Profit's and for all organizations and private citizens to have a VOICE ~Advocate ~ while creating a Safe meaningful community within a community where Breaking the Silence and having VOICE will make a difference. What If? Looking at The World Differently Breaks The Silence of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence! What would our world look like then?

Life Improvement call in # 727-329-9167 Victims2Survivors “Breaking the Silence” One Voice at a Time!

Wednesdays @ 10:00 am EST “Because Silence isn’t always GOLDEN!”


View replies by

Donatien - posted on 05/22/2013




I think any effort must concentrate on an as-normal-as-possible sexuality going forward, so she can still have a husband and a family that is not effected from this event.

It's good that she is dating and sexually active. That will help her overcome and forget the rape and lead a "normal" life.

A check-up at the gyn with openly offering the pill sounds like a positive way forward. I would encourage that. If you propose a test you always imply something, I would not go for that - just a normal checkup.

I would not worry about the weight. It goes up and down.

Sally - posted on 05/11/2012




Im sorry i didn't mean to press that. It happen when i was scrolling on my phone.

Heather - posted on 05/10/2012




Thank you so much for all your kind comments. We took her to see a doctor. Thankfully she doesn't have any diseases and we have her on the pill. The last two months have been harrowing. She has some emotional problems, cutting, self-loathing and starving herself. She feels like it is her fault and we are trying to tell her that no she was the victim and that she didn't ask for it. We have her in group once a week, and one on one therapy once a month. I would like her to be seen more often but that is Kaiser for you. In a few weeks I have an appointment to see if we can get her anti-depressant pills. She is very brave and has talked to two different detectives. I hope they can fine him and put him away for a long time. In California the statue of limitations is very long. The detective say we could still prosecute until her 28th birthday. Again that you for the prayers, help advice and links.

Dawn - posted on 03/09/2012




Ms. Heather, I so wish I had some advice to give but because I have not been in either shoes I feel I am not qualified to give any to you; however I will say this, there is some awesome advice already given and I hope that this will help you in this chapter of your life. Just know that God is the Great Physician and he knows the pains and hurts of your family and he is there for you and will never leave you. If its ok with you I would like to put you and your daughter on our prayer list at church. No last name just Heather and Family. Your family is in my prayers. Ms Heather I don't know you or your family but I am here for whatever you may need. Even if it's just to talk to someone who is on the outside looking in and you wish to vent to someone who would not be biased.

Praying for physical, mental and emotional healing,

In I'm,

Joshua 1:9

Nikki - posted on 03/09/2012




I just want to say how sorry I am to hear this. I was raped as a teenager and my folks didn't really speak to me about it, so I guess supporting her and being there are the best things I can suggest. Also screening.. xx

Becky - posted on 03/08/2012





I was a counselor for 15 years with kids and teens who were sexually abused. I am so sorry. I am also a survivor myself. I have a website that I created that might be helpful for you and your daughter. I will provide you with the link. You can also email me through the website if you have any questions that you would rather ask in private. It is good that you have your daughter in counseling and I agree that you might want to get some for yourself. She was very brave to tell you about it! Good for her! My prayers are with you. If I can be of any help, please let me know.

Patricia - posted on 03/08/2012




That's horrible - I'm so sorry you and and your daughter are going through this. Having her in counseling is important - and it might be good for you to go as well. I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Louise - posted on 03/08/2012




That is dreadful but you have to remember that your daughter has dealt with it alone for two years. If she has had the courage to tell you this then asking her if she is sexually active shoud be easier. Sit her down and tell her that you are there for her and that you understand why she has not told you, but now you want to help to put things right and that starts with being tested for clamidia/aids which could affect her future.

You also want to protect her future with talking to her about contraception and that she can come to you at any point and ask for help, and that you wont be judgemental but you want to know.

This is a wicked thing that has happend to your baby and I hope you can prosecute for this crime.

S. - posted on 03/08/2012




Thats terrible the poor child, seems your handling it right and getting her the right help, yes go get her tested as in any other rape situation routine test would be run!

could you not ask her if she's sexually active? Cos If she's not you maybe giving her the go a head! If she is and you put her on the pill you need her to know how important condoms are so either way you need to have a talk about it! The food thing maybe just her age my daughter has loads of friend the same in saying that I'd talk to the councillor see if they cant find out more as it could be related to the rape! Aww my heart goes out to you all growing up is heard enough with out something so awful to deal with as well x

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