Help me to feel better about my daughter wanting a sex change.

Meg - posted on 11/15/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




When I see her now, I feel ashamed as if I have damaged her in the way I have brought her up. The truth is I don't want a son - I want her to be my lovely girl, to get married, have babies, to go shopping together and do all the other things moms do with their daughters. She is 19 - I can't see that she will change her mind.

I love her and hate feeling this way.

can anyone relate to this?


Denikka - posted on 11/16/2012




I think this is quite normal given the circumstances. In essence, you are grieving the loss of your child. You're losing your daughter. It has nothing to do with gaining a son. It would be the same as having a girl and being pregnant with a boy and the girl dying. You are losing who you thought she was/was going to be.

You need to allow yourself time to grieve, and being angry and resentful, and wanting to reject the situation, is part of that. You need to get through all of that to come to some sort of acceptance.

I would suggest finding a forum for parents of transgendered children. They will be able to give you the support that someone who hasn't been through this would be unable to give. I would also suggest seeking a therapist, especially one who deals with loss and grief and/or one who has experience with the transgender community. They will be able to give you tools to move through your grief in a productive way, and be able to help you be supportive of your child as she moves through the process.

Although, if your child is moving to become male, I would highly suggest you stop using *she, her, and daughter* as descriptive words. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate being called *he, him, son, brother, etc* in reference to yourself. Respect what word your child chooses to describe their gender :)

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