Help, my 13 year old wants more freedom

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

My 13 year old daughter is complaining that I don't give her enough freedom. She is in the 8th grade and a year younger than all her friends (she made kindergarten by one day). This all started when she wanted to walk down the street to the nearest gas station. I told her no b/c its not safe. A few months passed and I gave in a bit and said only if she was with a group of friends ( I still don't like it though, I worry alot). Then this week we let her hang at a friends house til about 6:30. She called and asked of she could go to walmart with them. I assumed she would be back in an hour. Well, an hour passed and I messaged her....she was at dinner with them. I asked where and when will she be home. all I got was before 9 pm. THEN she had the nerve to ask me if she could stay the night with them, on a school night might I add. Then argued about it in front of her friends mom. I've been really upset about that situation b/c it seems like she's only telling me half truths. She's a very good girl and we communicate alot about different things, boy, friends, drama, etc... I'm not sure what to do or say with the freedom thing. I feel like she's already getting alot for her age. I don't want her to rebel like I did and I don't want her to get in those trouble situations. She thinks I'm too strict and my family thinks I'm too easy going. Help!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/06/2013

13,264

21

2015

Lori, you have to let her fly sometime. You cannot keep her locked away from the world. To not let a 13 yo go "down the street" is, IMO, a bit overprotective.

And the thing with going to walmart with the friend and her family...did it ever occur to you that the friend's mother said "hey, I'm running to walmart, wanna ride along?" And then AFTER they'd hit the road, the other mom said, "hey, girls, do you feel like grabbing a bite to eat?" Did you ever think of assuming the role of questioner, and calling the friend's mom for confirmation of what was going to happen?

Now, the overnight on a school night, I'm with you on that. No go (unless an emergency situation occurs). And arguing with your decisions in front of other adults...definitely no go!

So...here's my recommendation. You and she sit down and figure out, together, acceptable limits on where/when she can go out, curfews, safe areas, consequences for disregarding the rules, etc. Get something that you feel comfortable with, but she also feels comfortable with. She'll be more inclined to stay your "good kid" if you treat her like the responsible young lady you expect her to be.

Rolando - posted on 02/06/2013

9

0

4

All I can say is make her work for it. Extra chores before any type of freedom.

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