help, my 15 year old is out of controll

April - posted on 09/25/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi! everybodie i am kinda new to this so let me start from the beginning.

my oldiest is turning 15 in less then 2 weeks but she is so out of controll that yes sometimes i feel like i have failes as a mother she gets in trouble n school and talks to me like i'm her worst enimie

she has this jacked up so called boy friend that she thinks is god. [never once said she allowed to date becouse i said 16 she did it at 14]. so at the beginning of the school year my daughter told me she thinks she ready to have sex. at first i was so madd but reality sets in and i'm glad she came to me before doing anything so i took her to the dr. and i got her on the depo shot everyone in my inner circle yes is mad at me becouse she is to young but i got pregnant with her when i was 13 and gave birth when i was 14 so this messed up circle that i have lived will not repeat it's self with my children. i have been with my husband since my daughter was 5 and my son 2 but she CANNOT stand him and it's becouse he installs rule and boundries that she cannot accept he has never put his hands on my children and has always try to be daddy just like he is with our youngest which is 9. soo the question i ask is am i to hard on her becouse i see she is going down the same path as me when i was her age. Diffrence being my mom never stopped running the streets to check me. i will and is going to check her even if it takes me locking her up am i a bad parent help me

7 Comments

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Hilary - posted on 09/30/2009

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you are a great mom because you relize thatsomebody has to love her enough to do what was right( by putting her on the pill) at the same time you have to let her know you do not approve of her having sex. And that she is worth enough not to have to seek lve through sex because thats not really love just lust. Also just keep telling her you love her even when she wont listen. Cause thats all she looking for is love.

[deleted account]

I was a teenager not toooo long ago and my mother remarried when I was twelve. We went thru hell and back. I never gave up on her eventhough in my eyes as a teenager - she made all kinds of mistakes... Now that I am a parent, I've gone out of my way to correct many of the things that as a parent I wished my mother would have done. I feel that you and your daughter need to reconnect before you totally loose her. Go to counseling if you have to. I find it that sometimes, we as grown ups don't see the things that we are doing wrong as a parent, but at least you have the right attitude. My mother and I have a very difficult relationship since I can remember. I matured enought to know that she will never change, and I set boundaries.
I think that you should have alone time with your daughter, no distractions, no interruptions, and talk to her as an individual ask her why she is behaving that way. Do listen, don't get mad, don't yell, let her talk, and let her drive the conversation, so that she can tell you what is bothering her, and let all that stem out. If you have the patience, she will tell you. Trust me, teenagers listen to parents a lot more than you think, and they just don't show it to the parent. You need to break that communication barrier! I have a 15 year old boy, and when I get totally frustrated (I am very honest with him) I tell him, hey buddy you didn't come with a manual, and being a parent is my job so let me do my job... I've won some and lost some, but we are communicating... I watch him a lot, and I noticed how he does what I want when he wants and not necesarily when I want it, so I have to give him credit when is due, and admit when I blow it. In regards to the boyfriend, follow your instincts. If he is no good for your child you need to persuade her to see that way. You need to be very tactful because if you go head on she won't budge, and will do exactly what you don't want her to do. Kids always want the parent to be a parent, and set the boundaries, even if they are yelling and kicking like a tottler. I wish you luck, be strong, persistant, and consistent.

ROLANDO - posted on 09/29/2009

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My opinion is,i think that you did the right thing, putting her on the Depo shot. Im pretty sure that she knows the importance of safe sex too!!!!! She is at that age were she feels like no one knows what they are talking about. When she get rid of that sorry ass side kick, she will be a better girll. YEAH, SHE IS GOING TO REBEL AGAINST UR RULES, BECAUSE SHE IS A KNOW IT ALL RIGHT NOW. YEARS AHEAD, SHE WILL THANK YOU FOR BEING HARD ON HER. TOUGH LOVE IS THE BEST LOVE!!!!!!

Beckie - posted on 09/26/2009

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I too, have a teenage daughter. She just turned 17 and the last couple years I have spent second guessing myself and feeling like a failure. I do check up on her - sometimes- other times I let her go and "trust" her (even though I feel that she's not telling me the truth). When she wants to drive out of town all on her own, I go crazy. Because I don't think she would know what to do if she got a flat tire or something went wrong with her car. One time she locked her keys in her car, in town, while it was running and completely freaked out and had a panic attack because neither me or her dad, brothers, gpas, aunts, friends could get to her to help her. I finally had to leave work. So I used this oppurtunity to try and talk to her about what she might have done differently and also that she was lucky she was not 2 hours away in another town.

I feel better reading some of the posts on here because it help to reassure me that we will get past this. Just so you know where I'm coming from, she has told me she hates me, she can disrespect me to no end, she has been caught sneaking out, she overdosed on sleeping pills and antidepression meds and spent the night in ICU. We have been to counseling. I have seeked counseling because I felt like such a failure. So many people tell me to stick to my guns (I am constantly caving to her). I have found that those times when I have stood my ground that when she does calm down eventually, that she is a lot more pleasant to be around. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

Rochelle - posted on 09/26/2009

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I became a mom at 17 and my daughter is now 15..They do go through a ugly age but letting them have control is not good..I was a bad kid and ran the streets only cause my mom was too afraid to disipline us and lose us as friends..we r not friends..shes my mom..that should of come first..she blew it when she did that..my daughter also came to me about sex and thats awsome what u did.I did the same..but you need to get control back..maybe seek a professional counceling for you guys so she can express herself in a non bias environment and all of you can understand where all this angers coming from..cause the behavior wont stop until understanding of why its happening is found..and your not a bad parent..sometimes we need help finding the right tools to shape our kids..

Nicole - posted on 09/26/2009

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You are not a bad parent. You are one of the best for caring about what she is doing. So many parents today do not have the time. In the end she will be glad that you did. My son just turned 13 and I had to send him to Military school. I could nt take it any more and trying to watch him 24 hours a day was taking its toll.

Karen - posted on 09/25/2009

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Hey lovey

I just read your story and I think you are doing the best you can. Go with your gut and you keep trying. Eventually she will see that you are only checking up on her for her own good. She may not thank you now but that is teenagers. But she may thank you in the future. Sorry I haven't got any other advise as I have my own issues with twin boys and a nearly 16 year old girl as well as a 10 year old girl. Keep your chin up. Pity there wasn't a manual to follow when they are born LOL

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