Help....She's 13 and already pregnant. Prayers and positive advice, PLEASE.

Shannon - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 153 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 13 years old and pregnant. I love my child unconditionally and have been there to support her. We have had our ups and downs, more downs, but now she's put me in a position as to where I have to take care of a another child- my grandchild.

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Rachel - posted on 11/04/2012

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Oh wow!

I don't even know what to say! So young!

I started having sex at 12 and I was so very lucky I didn't get pregnant.

It's good that you are there for her and are able to help her. Good luck to you all.

Crystal - posted on 12/22/2009

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Remember, there are worse things that could happen to your 13 year old than pregnancy. I say this because I found out my 15 year old daughter was pregnant two weeks before she delivered. Yes, she lives with me. She visited her father for the summer and he didn't recognize anything. My mother and sister came to visit for the holidays and no one noticed anything. It was winter and she was wearing large sweat shirts. She even lifted her shirt (a cry for help I now realize) during a discussion with my sister and mother about body fat!!! I must say I was devistated. If not for the grace of God that embraced me so I could embrace her and her baby... I don't know what I would have done. Yes, my husband and me had to take on yet another child responsibility. She couldn't get on the system because she lived with her parents (step father). I took her to WIC, I took her and the baby's father to vial records to make sure his name was on the birth certificate. I verbally reprimanded his mother for making my child feel like she needed to do more to get her son (the father) involved. My daughter is now 24 and my precious granddaughter is 8. I have many stories, but the one I like to tell is that I told her I would help her always as long as she stayed in school. She graduated and went to college and now works at a good job. They just moved into their own apartment and gurrrrrl, I'm tired and relieved. This was not a situation where I could be her friend. I had to be the mother to her that would not steer her wrong. I had to pull the slack in helping her raise the child. She missed alot of good times with her friends. I made sure she went to the prom though. Now, most of her friends are just getting pregnant. Children are a blessing. Show your daughter to be a good mother, pray and bless the room they will share, calling on the Lord for guidance. And of course, we're all here to support you. Praying for you and yours.

Shelly - posted on 12/17/2009

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Shannon,

OK first find some place you can go and just scream...then take a deep breath and know that God don't make mistakes. Then sit down with your daughter and make her understand that she is now going to be a mom and her life is over as she knows it. She needs to be a mom to this baby not you!!! Yes you need to be there to help her out but she's the one that needs to make sure that that baby is taken care of and that there is no more just going and hanging out with friends and then I would be for finding out who the father is and go talk to his parents and let them know what is going on and that you would like to know if you can rely on them for some support not just monatarly but emotionally, and physically. Meaning are they planning on taking the baby for visits. You never know you may have an alli with the other parent so that you arent feeling like you are drownding. Have you even talk to your daughter to find out if she wants to keep this baby?? Yes I understand that this is your grandbaby but have you asked yourself what is best for this baby and your daughter??? Sweety I will keep you in my prayers and ask the Lord to give you a clear answer for all of these questions.

Julia - posted on 08/22/2011

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i was pregnant at an early age and it was the best thing that could have ever happened i learned to take care of my responsibilities and learn that there are some things that my mom could not just fix for me, i am 30 now and my son has so far had a great life i had to work hard to get him everything he needed, but he never went without.

Jessica - posted on 08/11/2011

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Not nessecarily, my mum had the exact same attitude towards me when i fell pergnant, she thought she would have to look after my baby, when its not the case atall. Your daughter may suprise you and be a brilliant mum and take responsibility. Im 16 with a baby, i live with my mum but we live seperate lives! My son is my responsibility, it will always be that way. Just have faith in her, give her a chance.. everyone deserves a chance :-)

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153 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 11/08/2012

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For starters you should figure out if you haven't who she got pregnant with. Talk with her and help her to understand that she is going to be like you a mother. Help her through this talk to her and help her get through with this. Instead of taking off all her clothes in the delivery room maybe she can just take off her bottoms as it might make her feel more secure. Get her to know the doctor so she is comfortable with him?her and try to get a female doctor if you can. I will pray for you and your daughter

Leanne - posted on 11/04/2012

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My daughter is 13 and could be pregnant. she says if she is she wants to bring it up. For mums that are in the same position as me, what are the legal implications that come with a pregnancy at such a young age i.e social services, schooling, financial support and guardianship of the baby with her being a minor.

Chaya - posted on 07/04/2012

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God forbid your daughter miscarries, but it could happen. Any clue as to who the dad is? A classmate or another kid her age, you have less of a problem. If you don't know, ask, insist. I'm concerned the child has been abused, most kids her age kind of think sex is gross. However, I got married when I was 12. I had a good husband, but that's almost impossible to expect. A 13 year old doesn't know what she wants for next week, much less a lifetime.
When I was raising my sisters kids, I got custody of them, and told my sister she had to follow these rules, I listed them in order of importance. If she couldn't do it, I would put the children up for adoption.
I would recommend you teach your daughter the things she'll need to know for providing for the child, and insist she goes to university. Failing to provide that option or encouragement will merely exaserbate poverty, not what you want for either of them

Rebecca - posted on 07/04/2012

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Father, may this child grow up to know you. Help Shannon and her daughter to have the wisdom and energy they need.

Rebecca - posted on 06/26/2012

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Thank you Father for the gift of this child. May this child grow up in love and security. Help Shannon and her daughter to do a good job in their roles today.

Kristi - posted on 06/24/2012

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Ok, to start with you are NOT going to debate intelligence with me based on your posts, you have no merit. Second, the only thing I said is that having an unplanned baby doesn't mean they won't be loved and that was in response to your comment--"...now who (I'm guessing you meant how)would the baby feel, knowing it was never planned, thus not a wanted baby." I made it a point to neutrilize this situation to avoid a reaction like this. My thoughts and opinions are completely irrelevant to this matter because a) she did not ask me for them, b) there is no way my thoughts or opinions can change this situation in any way, c) this post is from 2009. Third, if you honestly got that I "misunderstood the point" and was "trying to tell you that age doesn't matter" based on my comment then I beg to differ as to who the ignorant one really is.

Kristi - posted on 06/24/2012

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Neither of my children were "planned." I was grown adult when I had both of them. I'm not saying this situation is acceptable or not, it is what it is now. But just because a child isn't planned, doesn't mean he/she will not be loved just as much as if they were.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

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PS No one seems to see this Mother was whatever 2 yrs past, beside her self that her 13 yr old has given her own um the responsibility "that Her Mum did not plan or ask for.

Thus in these cases Adoption is good, rather than having to be forced to feed and care for a baby that was never planned, now who would the baby feel, knowing it was never planned, thus not a wanted baby, rejection over.

And its not the worse thing been Adopted, whats worse is 13 yr olds what ever never learn, and babies suffer. They don't deserve to keep a baby, they deserve simply not to have them in the first place.

Its not a right to have babies, its a babies right to be wanted in the first place, without all this.
Se it was the GrandMother and not the 13 hyr old on here, probably as she was so young she could not even old enough to be on here! Irony.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

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Yes and just hope the baby does not walk inits Mothers foot steps. As going by all of this, History can often and does repeat itself, just another 10 yrs and that 2 yr old, can feel the same attitude thats it OK to be a child and pump out babies, children are not baby machines!

Jeeps, give Children a chance at LIFE first before they are expected or feel its even fine after the fact, to do a Adults job.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

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? as long as the article is up here and not wiped guess eh has made in for all Public to see, and also relates to many others just like her at such a child's age, I remind you she is not the only one and will not be.



how can you say, people cannot comment just because time has passed?



wow now the grand age of 15 with a 2 yr old, thats grand now aye, um At who expense though?



Does she work 8 hrs 7 days a week, each day to support a 2 yr old? did she say no to sex? Or does society owe it to al these teenagers to cough up? for promiscuity behavior, um



As she never said she was raped, then why all the Blame on Boys? So what doe she want in the first place Pity or sympathy? If not then guess there was no reason to place this on in the first place, and if the topic was not important ands she expect wow is her, then guess don't post your life away, after all this is a public forum, and not private, thus guess one can disagree and not take any sides, as the girl never ran form having sex.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

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Yes father please give unplanned babies, Mature Fathers and Mothers um and real Parents who understand the word responsibility, and teach them about biology, and that life is more than over populating the world, that would good start,um

However no matter how many prayers are throw up in the air, as long as their are teenagers, there always will be raging Hormones, just waiting to Test the Boundaries. Any prayers should be help them use the brain they have, and think after 1st Mistakes, after all all makes mistakes, but only difference is some never learn.

Marie - posted on 06/24/2012

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Adoption is great "for many babies", remember these "girls need help if their own", else they would not be pumping out baby after baby. from 12-15! goodness.



To get to the core why such young girls feel they need to have babies so young, when they are still children themselves, is very important, as 12 13 yr olds simply dont have any sense of responsibility in the first place, just because you have more and more babies, just makes you able to get pregnant, um.



Wont make a lot of teenagers more responsible just as miserable as they where before and a lot poorer n more ways that one, why should babies suffer the lack. I mean better to have X2 Mature parents that gave give Love and ll the care, than a teenager that only worries about their pimples and parties.





Their need for love most come from a selfish manner, and I need TO BE LOVED and feel of worth, thus more of a lack self esteem issue.



thus it takes Adults to raise babies and children, not children raising babies.



PS) Biology, just because one can get pregnant doe snot make them a Mother, makes them be abel to get pregnant that all. Also it takes 25 yrs for a humans brian to be at maturity, and thats with out taken Drugs and abuse of Booze.



I dont know any 12 13 yr olds who understood what family planning is, um else they would think more of t others than themselves, thus they are children! not grown woman.

Kristin - posted on 06/22/2012

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My son has said that to a girl actually. He is in no rush to have sex and he respects girls and most his friends are like that as well. They have actually had to run away from girls who have begged them to have sex with them even while they werent dating. Some girls at age 13 are giving blow jobs to boys in the bathroom, whichn is sick and are then termed sluts. Now what I dont understand, as my daughter is only 1 is how parents can let their daughters be like that? Boys dont actually like or respect easy girls so why are they like that? I plan on raising my daughter with confidence and goods self esteem so she hopefully will not feel the need to let a boy rush her into doing something she doesnt want to do. I just dont feel boys are all to blame and girsl can be just as bad. And by the way boys have the same insecurity issues as girls do and pressures. So maybe it is just a teen thing.

Kristin - posted on 06/22/2012

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Angela,
I must say i have to disagree with you about blaming it on pressure from a boy. My son is 16 and has never had sex but he knows a lot of girls who try very hard to get the boys to sleep with them. It is up to parents to discuss with their children when to have sex and to use protection. Unfortunately in todays society sex is viewed completely different as it was 50 years ago. Also, when I used to drop my son off at school dances when he was 13 14 the girls do act more mature and want to be grown up. Christ some of them wore bras as shirts and looked like they were 25 and your going to tell me that they didnt want to have sex to feel grown up? I think that it is ultimately both parties decisions and girls are just as bad as boys and it is up to the parents to realize kids are having sex at younger ages and to ensure they know all the facts and are well protected.

Marie - posted on 06/22/2012

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....13yrs is a baby, thats just had her 1st period, 13 is still a under age CHILD a child and sex wayy under age. Pretty sad, but happy if you were wise and unselfish enough to either give enough to care for it to Adopt, or brave enough to let the baby have a fairer chance to grow with Adults, the girl is way to young no matter, gezz she barley had her first periods, let alone care for a baby by her self. ANd if the Grandparents look after these under ages unplanned spare of the moment off spring, the baby may feel she has another sister, and the 13 yr old may treat her ownMum as if she w should fork out everything.um not even as IF the 13 yr old can go out and earn some money by a paper run to keep her baby, um



Been able to have babies so young does not make you a adult, having a life first does, and earning a bit of a living may help. What a sad way try to feel as IF you are a adult by having sex so very young, but still a child in body and mind.

Give the baby a chance, allow the 13yr to grow up and get a life and learn some thing other than making babies, first, and adopt the baby.

Rebecca - posted on 06/20/2012

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Father, we lift this family to you today. Help Shannon and her daughter to do a good job raising this child.

Kristin - posted on 06/20/2012

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Also, keep in mind that your daughter will not have the freedom she does now, nor will she ever have that freedom if she chooses to keep the child. It was hard for me at 16 to see all my friends go out, travel, date and all that is normal for teens to do. I couldnt go out drinking, or travel, missed my school trip to europe because i had a child to take care of. Also, it is hard to relate to other parents when your child becomes older and you are youmnger than all the other parents. These are all the things you must consider. Also, you will have to consider how the babys father's family feels about all this as well. She can not exactly ask for child support if he is still in school, and hopefully his family will be able to help with the cost of the child.

Kristin - posted on 06/20/2012

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I wish you luck with whatever you and your daughter decide to do. I had my oldest child at 16 and it is a tough road to follow. I dont care what anyone says raising a child as a teenager or young adult is hard, and maturity levels are not there. Also, as much as everyone states that the child will not be anyone elses responsibility, it is as teens and young adults are not prepared to take on the whole aspect of parenthood. My mom kicked me out when I was 8 months pregnant, and I married my sons father. However, I had my familys support as my grandma watched my son for me while i completed high school and my parents took him when they could for grad nights or whatever. I was extremely lucky that my family helped buy my son what he needed. But at 16 it is hard to be able to finacially asfford a child. My sons father wound up dropping out of school and going to work full time to support us. After i was done high school I went on to college and worked part time. I got divorced when my son was 4 and it took a lot of courage and strength and support from my family to be able to complete my degree, work sometimes 2 or 3 jobs, and raise a child. I always wondered if I was selfish to keep my son as we had some pretty tough times and he could not always get the things he wanted nor does he have much in way of a college fund as I was unabvle to start his college fund until he was 12. I also wondered if he would have been better off going to a happily married couple who could not have children. My son is now 16 and hes a pretty good kid but sometimes he feels like he made my life harder and he has some guilt issues to as he states having him made my life harder. Now dont get me wrong I love my son very much and I am glad I have him he taught me to be responsible and to grow up in a hurry, however having 2 more children when I was older I can give them more time and be a much better parent, If you feel that you can help your daughter and support another child then that is great, but please weigh your options carefully as your daughter is still such a child herself and that is a heavy burden to carry. I pray that God will guide you and your family to make the best decision for all of you.

Christina - posted on 06/20/2012

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I was pregnant when I was 12 , and now she's 2 , Im 15 . ITLL BE OKAY .
my grandma almost had a heart attack when she found out , but as long as you stay supportive and help her as much as possible , things should work out . Im 15 with a 2 year old , going into 11th grade , but im just as fine as a 20 or 30 year old mom . keep your head up :)

Lareashia - posted on 08/30/2011

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Hello,Wow its certainly a big responsibility. Adoption should be between the mother and child because she is still a minor baby or not. If she doesn't get the revelation to know that sex comes with responsibility then she will continue to have children. Please put her in counseling to find out what the root is for her having sex so young and not responsible to wear protection.
Prayers and strength to you:)

Rebecca - posted on 08/23/2011

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Father, help Shannon today to love you and her family and do what is right. Help her to rejoice in the sacrifices she makes for you.

Rebecca - posted on 08/22/2011

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Father, please help this child to grow up under your love and discipline and to know you from an early age.

Lorna - posted on 08/22/2011

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hi shannon how is your daugher and grand child hope they are fine and you are enjoying both of them

Rebecca - posted on 08/20/2011

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Father, help Shannon and her daughter to walk in ways that are pleasing to you. Help them to find their joy in you.

Rebecca - posted on 08/14/2011

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Help Shannon to do a good job of loving and supporting her family today, Father.

Rax - posted on 08/13/2011

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I'm sure GOD almighty will never leave you & your daughter...I am a single mom of 2 kids. I also have a 13 y/o turning 14 this Oct.Just continue your love for your daughter & give your full support for her with your grandchild... Its a blessing!!!

Rebecca - posted on 08/06/2011

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Father, help Shannon and her daughter. Help them to know and do what is right.

Alisha - posted on 08/05/2011

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@JaNae I don't think adoption is the easy way out of a pregnancy, it is a very loving decision for a child.

Alisha - posted on 08/05/2011

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@JaNae I don't think adoption is the easy way out of a pregnancy, it is a very loving decision for a child.

Marta - posted on 08/03/2011

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I'd like to bring forth her perspective, if that's alright. I was a mom at 17, and although I had already made my decision before coming to my parents, they tried to force their perspective upon me. My mother is devoutly Catholic so any talk of abortion, or even adoption, was out of the question for her--mind you I had already decided to take on the responsibility myself--she was very forceful in her presentation of these views, which made me resent her in many ways. Please, when you talk to her about her decision let her come to the conclusion she feels is best. Right now she is probably very scared, and feels very much alone; just let her know that you love her, and that you will support her no matter what she chooses to do--regardless of your views (personal or spiritual). She needs to know that it's her time to take ownership of her body and in many ways her life. In the event that she chooses to keep the baby, help her care for that child until she can get a part-time job to help out with the costs involved, and encourage her to continue her education. Be open, honest, and most importantly supportive. That's what she needs from you the most right now; she needs for you to stop being "MOM" for a little while and start being her confidant and friend while retaining your authority. I hope this was helpful.

Janet - posted on 07/30/2011

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I think that your daughter is not old enough to understand the consequences of her actions- especially about something as touchy as sex. She really needs to be sat down and told by someone what the different choices are- whether that be adoption (what I would opt for), abortion or possibly even bringing up her child. Since she is a child in and of herself i think it would be impossible for her to raise her child, and if you do agree to letting her raise him, you realise that it will be your responsibility until the child is 4/5 and she is old enough to take care of him. If you think that this is out of the picture for you, don't leave it as an option! Tell her that you cannot and will not do that (for reason X) and that she then has to choose between adoption and abortion.

Rebecca - posted on 07/30/2011

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father, please protect Shannon and her family. Help them to walk closely with you.

Lauren - posted on 07/26/2011

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Wow...what a kick in the stomach!!! Sorry to hear this and pray that you will have the strength and get her through this healthy. My sister in laws were both 15 when they had children. My mother-in-law only babysat if they worked, and she home schooled them both too so they would be home to raise their babies. Find her a class to help her understand what is to come and what to expect from her changing bodies. Start there! Good Luck!!!!!

Lauren - posted on 07/26/2011

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Wow...what a kick in the stomach!!! Sorry to hear this and pray that you will have the strength and get her through this healthy. My sister in laws were both 15 when they had children. My mother-in-law only babysat if they worked, and she home schooled them both too so they would be home to raise their babies. Find her a class to help her understand what is to come and what to expect from her changing bodies. Start there! Good Luck!!!!!

Shelia - posted on 06/10/2011

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I faced that same situation, but my daughter was 16 and it turned out that she was not pregnant. However, before going to the doctor, her father and I made the decision that SHE would be the one to care for the child, not us. I think that since your daughter made the decision to have sex and it now pregnant, she must the one to face the consequences and take responsibility for the baby's care. Otherwise, she will not learn to be responsible for her own decisions and actions. If there is a school in your area for pregnant teens, send her there. They have a daycare center at those schools and the mother's can go in a feed the babies and play with them at lunch or on breaks. This would also put her is a place where there are other girls in the same situation and she will be have other teens who know how she feels and can relate to her feels. She also needs to take of the baby most of the time and not continue to go out with her friends and leave the baby for you to take care of. It is not fair to you, to have to raise this child. But, yes you do need to give her your support and advice. But remember that you are not a built in babysitter. Sure she will need a break now and then, but she should be held responsible for the majority of the care of the child. Also, the father of the child should also be held accountable and should assume his part of the responsibility as well. Too often the boys get off the hook for their part and that is not right - it takes two to tango! Have a DNA test done and go to court, if need be for that boy to be responsible for helping care for the baby. His little butt should be forced to get a summer and after school job, so that he can contribute to the financial costs of raising that baby. I would not back down on that point and take it to court if I had too. If he wants no part of the baby's life, then he should be forced to sign over all his rights as a parent. After our scare with a pregnant teenager, I had my daughter put on birth control, a patch, so that I could make sure that she had some protection. I also made sure she had condoms and knows the proper way to use them. I got a lot of criticism for that, but it I would rather her use protection that to have a child too young. I know how scary this all is for you and I am sure your daughter is scared, too. I am praying that the baby is healthy and that you figure out exactly what will work for you and your family in the coming months.

Patty - posted on 06/09/2011

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Shannon, I know exactly what you're going through since I have recently been in the same situation. Unfortunately, these things happen no matter how prepared you think your daughter is. My daughter also became at 13 within the 1st month of losing her virginity , and she was on birth control. This happened when she was put on antibiotics. Months before this happened, her Dr put had her on the pill because of her unsually heavy, painful periods. We are very close and we'd had conversations about sex, and she said that she had no plans on becomming sexual active until much later. Well, that's not the way it happened. She came to me first and showed me the positive test. Of course, I was devasted, disappointed and worried for her future, but I managed to remain calm with her ( only crying at night) because I knew she was scared and needed my support. I also had no doubt that she'd have and keep the baby. Fortunately, her boyfriend was also supportive and stayed by her side throughout her pregnancy, coming over everyday as soon as he got out of school, even now. His parents have also been supportive.

She turned 14 in Dec and just had her baby 4 wks ago. She and her bf have been very hands on with the baby, not asking for much help. My grandson has brought so much joy to our home, and we are so in love with him. She really does realize how fortunate she is with all the support that she has, esp compared to other girls in her school that she attends for teen parents. She will return to school in the fall, and being a stay at home Mom, I will watch the baby most of the time, using the daycare provided at the school at her school when I am unable to. Being that I was unable to do this with my daughters since I was in the military at the time, I am more than happy to do this.

Of course you will need to consider the maturity of your daughter, and whether you are willing and able to provide for the child. If not, adoption is always an option. For us, she and I couldn't bear to give up the baby...her child and my grandchild. My husband and I even offered to adopt the baby, but neither she or her bf wanted that.

Obviously, you have a tough decision to make, and I wish you luck. I truly do feel for you. Feel free to contact me if you wish. My prayers are with you and your daughter in this difficult time.

Nancy - posted on 06/07/2011

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I know this will sound cruel, but how in the hell did she end up being pregnant?? I know that many people are feeling for the both of you, however I can not say the same! Unless she was raped I have no patience for teens who are 13 and pregnant. Teens are taught these days how to use protection so where was that protection when you 13 year old was having sex??
I won't go on on this thread because it really angers me! I can only pray to God that he takes care of all of you!

Jessicca - posted on 05/04/2011

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give that child up why not .. give it to someone who WANT a child and cant have one

Roby - posted on 02/01/2010

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Hello Shannon,
as moms we want to see our children excel in life, be happy and healthy. Your daughter is young, but with the love and support from you, the acceptance that she desperately needs for the life changing decision that will continue to affect your family, she will be strong. God loves all of us, just please let her know that other people are praying for her, her baby and of course you and the rest of your family, God bless and be strong

Nancy - posted on 01/30/2010

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Wow, I understand as I faced this when my daughter was 16. Being supportive as you are is really necessary, and as the lady in the post below me has also said, get the fathers support and the support of his family. Having said that though, no two situations or families are the same and you will have many more challenges ahead.
Please do everything you can to enable your daughter to finish her education, and get some qualifications behind her. It looks like you may be in the USA so I'm not sure what welfare help is available, but find out everything you can and make use of it. Remember you are not alone, and stay away from anyone who is judgemental or laying blame. You can't reverse what's happened. You will LOVE this grandchild, no matter what, and with God's grace, mercy and love, you will be strengthened and equipped to help your daughter be a great little mum.

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