Help! We have an out of control 14 year old.

Marisol - posted on 12/28/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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To think, my husband and I are both educated people who have established a nurturing, loving, fun home. In fact, I'm an educator who has given advice to parents who needed help. Now, I have one of those kids. He's fresh, not likable, not nice, not positive and mean. I honestly remind myself daily why I have to continue loving this child. Meanwhile, I have another child who is the complete opposite.

We find ourselves depressed and consumed by this one child. How can this be?

I can go on and on about my son's poor behavior, but it is something that we have had to deal with since he was 2. Now at 14, he still makes poor decisions. Decisions that we speak to him about all of the time, but that he refuses to listen to. We really feel that he will end up in a Juvenile Detention Center for making a poor decision.

Here is my son in a nutshell...

He hates me and his sister.

He hates authority and all rules set forth.

He has the biggest I don't care attitude.

He's not a likeable person, as he goes through friends like a rolodex or friends read right through his negativity.

He lies to the point where he believes in his stories and makes everyone seem delusional.

He doesn't take accountability for his own behavior and blames everyone in the family

He consistently embarrases himself to other students and adults and then wonders why he has few friends.

When in the present of the kids that do come around(they don't come back after a few visits), he targets his sister and puts her down to embarrass her, so that he looks cool. He hurts her feelings, but thank god, the kids around go to bat for her and don't end up liking him.

Extremely defiant to me, his father, his grandmother, aunts and other adults.

He is sneaky and manipulative.

When he does things that are not appropriate for his age, he doesn't apologize and acts as if he didn't do anything wrong. Meanwhile I have people calling me telling what he did.

His hateful actions are consistent. We urge him to say sorry as this world doesn't not automatically come from his mouth. We explain to him that saying sorrying means that you have to change. The next day, it's as if we are on replay and you never had a conversation about the the behavior and the consequences they bring.

You constantly repeat why he shouldn't do the things he does.

He repeatedly crosses the line and tells you that he's never going to change, so we have to live with it.

He can't wait to leave the house.

He threatens us verbally.

We have seen a therapist and he refused to speak to him. We spent 6 months driving him once a week to listen to him tell us that he's going to waste our money. He never spoke once.

We found another therapist, and he did the same thing.

We have lost friendships along the way ourselves as adults, stopped inviting people to our home or just said no to lots of invites, because we just can't trust him.

Just the other day, we visited our sister in law and we got a call, that he had done 400.00 damage to their pool table, pool rack and darts right under all of our noses. The best part is that when we spoke to him about it, he acted surprised. Doesn't a 14 year know that he shouldn't take the dart and puncture a hole through the felt????

If we are out in public, we can't enjoy ourselves, because we have to have a constant eye on him.

Where did this child come from?????

7 Comments

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Cassidy - posted on 02/23/2016

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I am living with many of the same issues and I was really hoping that if my son would agree to counseling it would make all the difference, as I really don't know what to do anymore on my own. My son refuses to see a psychologist, however, and I am realizing from your post that it might not make a difference anyway.

Jenise - posted on 02/17/2016

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Check out Turn About Ranch. They do amazing things with kids and it might be a good fit for him. Best of luck!

Zippie - posted on 12/28/2015

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I would get him enrolled in a program. At 14 you have time, when he is 17 you have very few options. Look at schools for behavior issues. He is disrupting your life and you and your family are as important as he is. He is smart and has realized he can control you. Take charge, and find a place to help him, even if he has to take a year off.

Marisol - posted on 12/28/2015

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Thanks Lorraine. We do have boundaries, but for some reason, he crosses them. We follow through on consequences and in turn, release a verbal beast. It's very challenging keeping your cool when you have a child releasing his wrath on you when you exercise tough love through consequences.

Lorraine - posted on 12/28/2015

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Can you speak to his physician and perhaps get a referral to a counselor? Perhaps he has some kind of oppositional defiant disorder or is displaying signs of narcissism. In the meantime- you might want to set some boundaries / house rules and follow through on consequences.

Marisol - posted on 12/28/2015

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Hello,

We have taken away movies dates, hang out time with friends, sleepover dates with family and have canceled events that were to occur at our home.
We have taken away his phone, Ipad and computer time unless it had to do with homework.
We have sent him to his room, heck we have even taken him out just to speak to him alone.
We have taken away his TV privileges and video games.

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