Help with 15 year old stepdaughter

Leesa - posted on 08/10/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi everyone,
I have posted here before but my problem is getting worst. First I will tell you the story in the shortest time possible. My 15 year old step daughter came to live with us just over 2 years ago cause the bio mum couldn't handle her and has no relationship with her at all. When she first came everything was fine, we enrolled her into private school and her grades were great. Over the last year it has gone all down hill. The school handed out iPads that are surpose to be for school work but of course my sd is addicted to social media so she uses hers only for this. She never does her assignments, homework nothing. We ask her mother for help and she just saids well take it off her which I agree with but because she has her dad wrapped around her little finger he gives in and she gets it back. The worst thing is she post everything about her bad relationship with her mother and last week a girl at school said to her no wonder your mother doesn't want you and my sd hit her and still thinks what she did was ok. I told her she has no right to hit anyone and no one would know her business if she didn't put it on the Internet. I feel she only posts everything for the attention. She also has a boyfriend who she just got back together with after he cheated on her over 4 times. She is always saying we don't do things as a family and she doesn't feel part of this family but she never wants to be here. It's Sunday here and she had Friday off school so Thursday nite she stayed at her friends house an we haven't heard from her at all. On the school holidays which was 2 weeks she spent just one dày with us and that was hiding out in her room. Their is a social media website called ask.fm which is really bad it lets anyone ask questions and hers is discussing. We told her to disable her account an if we found her on it again she would have her ipad taken away. She was off for about a day and the fight we had at school she plastered all over Internet an that's how we found out she was in the office. Her depty principal she also has wrapped around her finger. She got one day in school suspension ( her second) and she wears makeup to school even though she isn't allow to just to try and get attention. Her bio mum had said she can't have her living with her so she doesn't care she's just glad she is no longer her problem. I have 3 kids of my own here who have grown up with their stepdad and they are so respectful and they want to be here with us. Her dad even lets her sleep at her boyfriends house which makes me even madder as she will end up pregnant and it will be me that's left holding the kid. She keeps saying she doesn't want to be here but don't see where else she has to go. Makes me feel like I'm a bad parent. She has everything she could possibly want here including love an affection. I'm taking her to counciling every week and she is taking anti depression tablets ( she does when she's here but can't see her doing it when she's not) but its getting worst not better. I love my sd but ever since she arrived our whole house has suffered. She has no respect for her dad at all swears at everyone and can't even pick up after herself ( snotty tissues on the ground) which I end up picking up cause my daughter had to share a room with her. Yes she hasn't had a great up bringing with her mother, she kept her dad away even with court orders but alot of people have had a bad upbringing its what u choose your life to be but she just won't let it go. Feels like the only reason she is with us is because her dad lets her do ANYTHING she wants and I've spoken to her dad but it just ends up in fights. Her bio mums only solution is putting her into foster care and that's something we won't do. Even on the social media sites she posts I have no family only friends, when I seen it i told her dad, she claimed her best friend did it but confessed when he was going to call her and took it down. I love my hubby but I don't want my kids being brought up in this and my 12 year old daughter who loves her to death an asks me every week end if she's coming home that what she's doing is ok. Sometimes I feel like u know what my 3 kids are good so why don't I just take them and leave but due to my hubby's work accident he would never be able to look after my sd alone and it would be worst for her HELP

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Leesa - posted on 08/12/2013

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Thank you jindy,
Thank you so much for your advice I'm thinking maybe trying the not mentioning what shes done and just giving her a hug might be a good idea. We've tried the yelling and screaming thing and it doesn't work ( well her dad anyway) she is getting counciling every week at our local hospital and also through her school which is kind of helping a bit but the councillor at the hospital is a complete wanker if you ask me. For example I took her last week and he was talking about attachment and went on too say when children are born they have a strong attachment to their mother ONLY if they are breast feed but not if they are bottle feed. Made me want to have the biggest fight with him but held back because of my sd. You see for medical reasons I was not able to breast feed and that's something I feel guilty about everyday. All 3 of my kids were premature and put straight onto tube feeding and I didn't have any milk. The councillor didn't know this and I think maybe he should of thought before he spoke as I know my 3 kids are very close to me, my 12 year old daughter hates being away from me so I was and still am a bit upset by this. But like I said I was their for my sd and kept my cool ( only just) but thank u again for your advice this teenage thing is a hard thing

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